A
female
age
41-50,
*erseyncorbinsmommy
writes:So here i am back here again... not sure what to do anymore... i been with my husband off and on for 17 yeats but have only been married 6 months .... i work all the time to support our family and hes been getting upset with me cuz im not in the mood... he has recently told me that he will go get it else where.... and ive found him on many dating sites... i have told him if he cheats im gone and he says that dont scare him.... you see he dont workk and right now im working 55 hours a week.... im a waitress and work hard for my money but yet i seem to be giving him most of it for weed... if he dont have weed he calls me a cunt bitch n whore... hefights with me and becomes an ass... im not sure what to do anymore
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (12 June 2013):
Hi again. As you are not happy, and that seems pretty obvious, well then why not just tell him you are over it, and that you are leaving?
Surely, you deserve better than that - don't you think?
You are doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking.
It certainly is NOT equal in the give and take, is it?
And don't stick around, just because you are pregnant.
That doesn't mean you have to stay and put up with all this nonsense of his.
You can do way better than him, that's for sure.
You are enabling him, by supporting him financially.
He doesn't feel the need to look for work, because you are bringing in the money, and so he has no incentive to make any kind of effort.
And perhaps you haven't asked him to look for work, which doesn't help either.
If you don't feel that you can sit down with him and have an honest heart to heart chat about this intolerable situation, well then the only choice you have is to walk out.
Because, if you choose to live with this man, you need to make the relationship as good as it can possibly be in every way.
And if you can't do that, well then you have no other choice, but to move out.
And then he HAS to look for work, or else join the unemployment queue to get social security payments to support himself.
You do have to find some way of making this work, especially if you are going to stay with him.
And it has to be a mutual agreement.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): Seriously, you have a dead beat on your hands. If he is not working, where is he getting the money for pot? This man's job is to find a job until he has one. Not sitting at home looking on dating websites or anywhere else for sex. He's threatening you with finding someone else? This guy's a loser and you need to kick him to the curb.
As far as being too tired for sex...well, perhaps you need to take care of yourself, health wise. You are working full time, and you are so tired by the end of the day because you need to get more exercise worked into your daily routine. You will soon find you have a lot more energy and feel differently about a lot of things.
Mentally, I would not be feeling the sex thing if I had a man with no sense of adult responsibility, hanging around doing nothing but smoking pot and on the verge of, or cheating on me.
I know you have a lot of time invested in this guy, but what are you getting out of it? I would highly suggest the two of you get into marriage counseling if what you really want to do is save this marriage. Just make an appt and go. If he doesn't go with you, you can still work on stuff and try to get him to go the next week. And find a male counselor. He will feel less threatened by the whole thing.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 June 2013):
 How flagrantly does this guy have to use and abuse you before you call "Time out" .... and let him know that you've had your fill of him.... and that you're leaving.... and that there's no looking back???????
The person you described as living with you... and being married to you... is not an adult. He is a wayward, misbehaving child... who happens to have a girlfriend/wife who believes that doting upon him - and never asking him to grow up - is OK... It's not...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (9 June 2013):
Hi there. You have said you work 55 hrs a week, to support "our family", and so there are some children?
Did I assume this right?
Or, are you referring to your mum and dad, and his mum and dad?
Well anyway, it probably doesn't really matter, I guess.
It seems that his habit of smoking "weed" is because he is bored with so much time on his hands by not working, and it is his escape.
Is he actively seeking work?
Because, if he was, it would certainly take the burden off you - a LOT.
Because then, you could reduce your hours worked to something more like 15-20 hours a week, which is much more reasonable.
And are you renting?
Or, are you paying off a mortgage?
Because, a mortage is yet another HUGE financial burden on you, being the only wage earner at the moment.
I really think that the only way you could possibly work less hours in a week, is if he does find himself at least SOME work - even if it is only casual.
Some work each week is certainly much better than no work at all.
And I really see this as the only solution to you feeling tired all the time, and you can then spend some time together.
By him not working and maybe not looking for work, it is simply prolonging the situation.
It seems like what he needs most from you - is your company.
And so the sooner he finds some work, the rest will just automatically resolve itself, practically without much effort at all.
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A
female
reader, jerseyncorbinsmommy +, writes (9 June 2013):
jerseyncorbinsmommy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Truthfully this is all i've known... everyone i been with treats me like this and i thought it was just me... before we got married he wasnt smoking weed or he was hiding it well... i am not as big as i used to be im down to 154 lbs and its a weight im comfortsble with even being pregnant... i tried and asked about counselling but he shruggs it off like its all normal... i just dont know anymore
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2013): I hope this doesn't come off as offensive. That is not what I'm trying to do, but you are a big girl and I'm simply being straightforward. I don't know how long your husband have been out of work, but I'm quite sure after 17 years on and off, you are well aware of his behavior. He didn't just start smoking weed, his verbal abuse, and cheating ways when you said I do. This has been going on for years. That's Why it's been back and forward for so long. What you need to do is seek out some counseling to understand Why you continue to accept this behavior and think that this is all you deserve. Honestly speaking you are already headed for a divorce unless the Two of you get help to salvage your marriage. As for you, you have to take responsibility for your part in this. I realize that you don't want to be cheated on, providing all the financial responsibility nor be abused, but you let him know it's okay to treat you like this because you ALLOWED him to. You keep taking him back over and over again thinking that this time is going to be different. That says something about your character. No offense, but that isn't normal. You really need to talk to a professional to figure that out. You didn't mention children, but if there are any, you really need to figure this out. Children learn by what you DO not by what you SAY. This is not healthy environment to raise children in. They will emulate the behavior that they see everyday. This is what the TWO of you are teaching them. I have to honestly say that you need to get out now before you invest anymore into this marriage. It's not worth it. I wish you the Best.
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A
male
reader, xgod +, writes (8 June 2013):
 Being on the cold, frigid end of a wife who is sick of sex or exhausted all the time from work, or stressed about things, my solution has been to visit ADAM & EVE website (adameve.com) and buy a pocket toy. The realistic ones are fine, and - depending on his size - you need to ask him what he'd like. Present him with a gift card or something.
Giving him something fun to play with while you are too tired to deal with his desires will make life easier and take the stress out of this over-inflated balloon before it pops.
My preference of material is called "Cyber-skin" and is fun to play with.
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