A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please can somebody help me make a decision on this one...';ast year me and my boyfriend broke up for a week or so and i actually did think that things were done between us spo i put a large deposit down on an expensive holiday for me and my child.the holiday will be upon us in the next few months and i cant decide whether to go or not because i know my boyfriend won t come with us- he really isnt reliable at all and even if he paid to come with us i doubt he actually would.the reason im thinking about not going is because im scared of what he will get up to while im away- he has cheated in the past and also his ex who he has kids with is pestering him to go back to her. im worried that 2 weeks apart will give her ample oppurtunity to persuade him.to be perfectly honest, i dont know whether i stay with him because i am madly inlove with him or simply just scared to go it alone. we are close-very close, best friends so to lose him would cause a lot of pain.please someone help me on this one.
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best friend, broke up, his ex, on holiday Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): If you're afraid (and with good reason) that he will have an affair or leave you unless you're physically there to intervene, then your relationship is actually already over. the only question is why you're still grasping at straws trying to pretend it isn't.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2012): no you're not that close or best friends. if you were, he wouldn't have cheated on you and you wouldn't be so afraid of what he will do the minute your back is turned. if the only thing stopping him from cheating is the danger of you catching him, that means you don't actually have a real relationship.
you shouldn't give up your vacation just to monitor him or be an obstacle to his cheating. Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? the minute your back is turned he's off with someone else, or even if not you're too afraid to ever take an eye off him for even a second? that's no way for you to live. if you can't trust him then you shouldn't be with him. And yeah, with his track record I would say that you can't trust him.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (17 December 2012):
Is your child looking forward to going on holiday?
If so, take the holiday!
Your child is only young once. You can't forgo making pleasant memories together because an unreliable and untrustworthy man. This man will continue to be unreliable and untrustworthy whether you go on holiday or not.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 December 2012):
 While it's rare that it happens I agree 100% with Serpico on this one...
if you can't trust him for 2 weeks, what kind of a relationship do you have?
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (17 December 2012):
If you cant trust your bf to be on his own for two weeks, you shouldnt be with him.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (17 December 2012):
 If you are scared of what he might be getting upto while you are on holiday then this relationship is lacking one of the key ingredients that bind a relationship together, TRUST. Any relationship that does not have trust is surely doomed to fall apart sooner or later.
Just by saying you are not sure whether you stay with him because you love him, or you are frightened to go it alone then you are doubting this relationship. I know its hard, but i think you need to be strong and end this relationship, sooner rather than later, i can't envisage a happy ever after ending to this if you keep it going.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 December 2012):
 If this is a man who can be persuaded in 2 weeks to leave you and go off with another woman, why are you even with him?!
Of course a break up would cause a lot of pain, all break ups hurt. But what will hurt you and your child more in the long run is being around an unrealiable cheat who is running off with his ex as soon as he is left alone for 5 minutes.
If your relationship is so bad that you cannot be away from him in fear of what he might do then the relationship is already over. This is a complete disaster of a relationship and you need to pick your self-esteem off the floor and realise you are worth more than this and can do better.
In a real relationship you should be able to go away whenever you want, without your partner if you want, knowing for certain that when you get back they will still be there, they will have missed you and will be waiting with open arms for you to return. If you are so afraid he is going to cheat or go back to his ex then clearly there is no trust in this relationship and he has hurt you too much in the past for you to recover.
I think you absolutely should go on this holiday, and see what happens while you are away. Perhaps this is a chance for him to prove himself, to show you that he has changed. Or if he runs off with his ex or cheats well you know that you gave him a chance and he messed up, so you dump his sorry ass and find a man who can stay faithful regardless of where in the world you are.
This isnt how a relationship should be, this is not normal - you should trust each other and be able to do what you want without the fear that he will cheat. This is a very sad situation and you are teaching your child that this is normal for relationships, you are setting a very bad example and need to learn that love isnt enough to make a relationship work, there is a lot more to relationships than just love.
This all sounds very one-sided, you seem to be the one that loves him whereas he clearly has no care or respect for you when he has already cheated and is allowing his ex to pester him to get back together. If he genuinely loved you then he would have told his ex to stop and that he loves you and will never go back to her. Why hasnt he told her to stop? Why hasnt he put his foot down with her? Chances are its because he enjoys the attention and is an unfaithful man anyway so he isnt going to care if he has more than 1 woman in his life.
I really think you are wasting your time here, give him one last chance if you want for him to prove himself while you are away on holiday, but dont hold out much hope.
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