A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am really confused I need some advise. I got married and all was well, we have a 3yr old daughter and I realized my husband is cheating, even so after we spoke about it I forgave him but I do not think he changed. I am the breadwinner and he is not doing well financially, his business collapsed and he is not employed. We have been married for four years and 4 months ago he comes back one evening to break up with me, this after being dumped by his mistress, He says he thinks he was not ready for marriage when he proposed but still suggesting we stay together since he could not afford moving out at the time. While he broke up with me he also came up with ground rules that we should be patient with each other and try not to be involved with other people for at least until we stay apart. I couldnt send him out knowing he has no where to go, but I feel he is using me, when it suits him, he wants to be a partner to me and pretend we have not broken up and foolish me who is still in love with the guy, thinking things will be better I give in, now I just discovered he is also busy out there with other ladies and that made me realize he will never change. When I confront him about it and that he should just leave me alone to live my life he becomes so apologetic and still denies all that he does. I am more convinced that we do not have a future. I was tolerant and patient but now I am starting to feel hatred towards him, how do I deal with the situation? I am getting depressed, I would be better off on my own but I cant chuck him out like that.
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broke up, depressed, mistress, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot for the responses, I certainly know what to do and you have reassured me that I am not being selfish here,
A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 I would "chuck him out like that, but that's me. Pardon my pontificating, but marriage is an EQUAL partnership that often requires one partner to give more than the other at times. When the scales tart to tip *consistently* in one giving more than the other, there's a problem. I think your husband is that problem.
Cheating isn't part of the partnership articles, it's a deal breaker. On-going cheating mandates no tolerance a la he made his bed, he can lie in it.
This guy will take advantage of your kind, soft-kindheartedness as long as you allow it. He's outta there sister! Use your head!
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 I would certainly be setting a deadline for him moving out. Your husband/ex-husband is a big, grown-up man and can take care of himself if he has to. He just hasn't had to and he won't have to while you provide for him.
Maybe he can mooch off of one of his other gal-pals for a change.
The great news is you can start dating whenever you are ready to.
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A
female
reader, MelissaT  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 U said a mouthful, you are better off without him. i shouldn't be giving advice since i am in a situation myself, but people tend to give good advice and cant handle their own situation. Anyway back to you, u need to face the music once and for all and cry your heart out and get over him. Do all that it will take to forget him, Now this is no easy task, i am experiencing this right now as we speak. Put away all the photos and stick it out with your child. You are in a damn good position bc you can support yourself, woman i need to be in your situation. Dont kick him out, that is cruel, but SET BOUNDARIES. Dont sleep with him, i know its hard! BUT DONT! he is using you for convenience. he does not love you the way you care for him. Its a pitty! but men can be deceiving yet brainwashing. Try to give him cold shoulder, that will ease your mind, that could be a good way to start. take care.
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