A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i dont know what my purpose is in asking other people's opinions because i know what what your opinions will be... i guess i want everyone to reiterate what i already know...that cheating's bad...blah blah blah..anywhooo, here it goes:i currently am involved in a workplace romance with a married guy...who is awesome! the best man i have ever met and i've known a few good men. seriously, his wife is the luckiest woman ever. i would love to have him in another life but that is not reality so now, i have him but it's purely sexual.he doesn't want to leave his wife, nor do i want him to..but we are fulfilling a need for each other that his wife doesn't fulfill for him and that my life doesn't allow me to fulfill for myself (i have an 8 month old).so, that's that...
View related questions:
workplace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes...infatuation is like an addiction...one day at a time
thanx all :) live..learn..love in that order
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): Hi babes,
Pashanoodle is perfectly right, it might be hard not to give into temptation, but then again you might find it easier than you think. Take one day at a time. Concentrate on the kind of life you want to build for you and your child. I am wishing you strength, courage, and forgiveness for yourself in this task. As I said before, you deserve better than a man who belongs to somebody else. I wish you and your child happiness in life. Blessings.
...............................
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (7 October 2008):
 Good on you...take each day at a time - but I think one day you will be really pleased you decided to end this now. Good luck - I hope that lovely single "Mr Right" is just around the corner for you and your baby too.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno questions, just opinion. like DiovanLestat said, i prolly just came here looking for someone to abuse me and tell me off...srsly! cause im so good at rationalizing stuff in my head that i need a reality checkk
thanks ladies
i managed today without once flirting or accepting flirts. we have to keep in touch via IM and we sit in cubes next to each other. i kept today strictly professional and was even able to joke with co-workers, including him...without any weirdness
:)
harlot on the road to recovery
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): Hihis wife in my eyes is unlucky, come on girl wake up! he is cheating on her deceiving lying to her. I am not judging you ,not my place to do that you already know the blah. I will just say this is the life NOW, next life does not matter, and if you are content on having a bit of him in this life then that is up to you. If he does not want to leave his wife then he shows how capable of deceit he is to be willing to carry this affair on. You however deserve better and more in my opinion IN THIS LIFE! and so does his wife. He is ten a penny and i still don't really know adsactly what question you were asking or what answer you wanted.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (3 October 2008):
 Thats good. Know what you mean. Its a bummer getting older but its not a bummer getting wiser usually.
C xxxxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionya. you know we eventually get tired of just a purely sexual relation and desire someone to hold and cuddle with...which, the married guy will not do. never once has it even been assumed by either one of us that he would leave his wife. so, that was never an issue...nor would i want him to! i mean, i would love it if he had a doppelganger but sadly, i am the harlot and as candace said, i dont know him. im sure he leaves the toilet seat up and puts his clothes where they dont belong...shit that annoys me so ya, i feel like i get the part of him that i want...for now...til i want to cuddle or go on a date or in public at all. thanks for your insight ladies. live and learn...everyone we encounter are our teachers. our job is to find what lesson they are trying to teach us...i believe i have learned what lesson he was put in my life to teach me.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008): You are looking for an answer. My husband did that to me with a women like you he had no intentions on leaving me for her. They tell the other women what ever it takes to get what they want. In the mean time the other women and husband has no idea what it is doing to the wife when this whole mess unravels. I have been with my husband 23years and never in all my time with him would I have exspect something like this. Let me just tell you what it does to the other person while your off haveing "Fun" the wife is home doing his laundry, cooking dinner and taking care of the household. When every thing comes out because your caught who is the bad guy, you are. The man is makeing every excuse on why it was done and it was a mistake she came on to me I have heard it all. Needless to say the other women for me was a gold digger and had come onto my husband and his sorry behind was weak. We are still together today and things are great. The other women was left standing there not knowing what to do. My advise to you it cut it off now.
...............................
A
female
reader, candace +, writes (2 October 2008):
the funny thing is....You "THINK" he is the best guy and that his wife is oh so lucky....
What you see is not always what you get. What you are seeing is what this guy wants you to see. It is so easy (especially for men) to put on a cool act. Try living with him. You have no idea what his wife goes through. You only know what he chooses to let you know.
You don't truly know anything about him cause you don't live with him. How do you know his wife isn't fulfilling his needs? Did he tell you? Well, remember that old saying believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear. If this guy was an honest guy and such a great guy---he would not be cheating on his wife.... You are going to get hurt in this...you deserve a man that can be there and be your friend. You are going to get sick of not being able to talk to him when you want or go out with him....and you are nothing in his life... not really. Women can not just have sex..we are not built that way. Our emotions will get tied up even when we think we don't want more. He is using you and getting by with it. He is also using his wife...MEN??? Good guy. That is exactly what he wants you to think.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): For four months I was the OTHER WOMAN and I felt guilty about it and yet I loved being a bad girl..Until three of my girlfriends found out their husbands were cheeting. After seeing what that had caused to my friends lives I decided to quit seeing the guy and help my friends to get through. I was there 24/7 helping and babysitting for them ect... I felt so bad that I could of been the cause and maybe I was of a nother womans pain.. My friends now know what I have done and they do not judge me and we are still close. I ve learned that for a sexual experience wrecking a home and destroying lives as yours continues as nothing is not worth it..
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 October 2008):
 So, that's that...
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (1 October 2008):
lol been here done this bought the t shirt years ago.
I had just split with the kids dad and loved being single, the guy was married, she was pretty, slim, a teacher. But there was chemistry between us. I didn't wanna take him off her. No way! Perish the thought of upsetting my new found freedom with my children and home. Times were good as they were.
But I knew when he said he wasn't having sex with her, he was, even i'm not that stupid, yet after a yr of not being able to contact him whenever, feelings getting involved, mostly from his side! he did leave her, rented a room, lots of people got hurt, he ended up back there, and he is still with her to this day. 7 years, nearly 8 on.
I wouldn't go near another attached person now i'm older and wiser.
Be very careful.
C xxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (1 October 2008):
 How about putting yourself into his poor wife's shoes?
You are a typical homewrecking mistress, who thinks of nothing of getting what she wants out of someone elses man and do not care who you hurt.
To him you are some cheap tart, who is only too willing to drop their knicker at a drop of a hat and sadly your 8 month old child is in the middle of this sordid affair.
Why don't you get your brain into gear and do what is right by your child and find a decent single man as her father figure? Not some dirty lothario who is willing to hurt his poor wife and his famliy for some two bit of skirt who is willing to drop her knickers.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): Why do women fall for these married men? you say he's such a great guy, but if he really was a great guy, he wouldn't be cheating on his wife. Let's just say he did leave to be with you, what makes you think he wouldn't cheat on you as well?
...............................
A
female
reader, pashanoodle +, writes (1 October 2008):
Why do cheating husbands and their OW always say 'their wives can't fulfill a certain need'? Stop speculating on what his wife can and can't do in her relationship and have a look at yourself instead.
You're kidding yourself...the reason he is not planning to leave his wife is that she actually DOES fulfill his needs. The reason he sleeps with you is because you let him - and it makes him feel good about himself in some way. That's it.
Ask Oldsister is spot on - you're gonna be left crying when the shine wears off. You're already trying to convince yourself you're 'cool' with being the OW and have no expectations other than sex....are you so sure?
I just do not see the point of this for you?
Oh yeah...in my opinion cheating IS bad.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): PS: I think you came here looking for someone to abuse you and tell you off.. Well we haven't done that because their is no point. We are very much aware that you are hurting and abusing yourself enough already. You sad very sad and guilty about what your doing. You don't need anymore abuse honeypie, you need someone to start loving you and taking care of you for a change. The person who loves you should be YOU, because we all know that you deserve better than what you getting right now...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): OK, your in love with a married man. You know he won't leave his wife and you accept that. Your happy right now and you know it's wrong. You don't really need advice, you just need to tell someone how you feel and what's going on. Don't kid yourself honey, the ladies are right. Your already in deep and your not think with your mind, your thinking with your heart..
No lectures from us, you know the score and you know that things will only get worse and this thing will hurt you more and more. There are ton's of ladies like you. Please take a look at this link and see how bad it can get. You can waste many years loving a married man and you can be left alone at any time..
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/in-love-w-a-married-man-how-do-i-cope-w-break-up.html
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (1 October 2008):
 I guess by your flippant answer you feel that most peoples opinions aren't of any use anyways, but here goes nothing. I'm pretty much guessing that his wife is still sleeping with him and that he tells you "My wife doesn't do it for me - OR - My wife doesn't understand me!". YOU can pretty much expect that he will sleep with you as long as you allow it. I can only hope that you start to open your eyes and realize that this guy is using you big time. Your self esteem is being used up by letting him tell you the usual BS - and you probably won't believe anything other than his BS - Until you start to allow yourself to become a bit more cynical, like the rest of us. We all love to believe that "they love you, they are leaving their wives when the time is right, Blah, Blah, Blah, (to coin a phrase), but honestly, What Were You Thinking? Hun, This line of BS has been going on since time immemorial... If you can honestly sleep with this guy in order to get your rocks off and NOT fall for him (I don't believe that you aren't falling for him), then do it!!!!!!!!!! I, for one, don't believe the front that you are putting on. You should dump the cad. Nobody writes in to us without having a few issues, and you have the whole subscription.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): He can't be all that great, I mean he is cheating on his wife, right?
I think you should focus on your 8-month-old and try to find someone who is right for you. Someone who is not already taken. Someone who can value your love and want to be with you permanently.
If I were in your position, I would tell that man's wife that he's cheating on her. If you're too scared to tell her its you, just say you've heard. I am more than sure that she would love to know because I bet she isn't all that happy with him anyway. Otherwise, her man would not be out and about having sex with random co-workers. Seriously, you'd be doing her a favor.
And who knows, maybe then you could be with your "awesome" guy.
...............................
|
