A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There's this guy I've been seeing. We aren't official, but have spent the last month and a half or so together. Not long ago I found out, via a mutual friend of both me and him (a friend who does not know we are seeing each other), that he plans to move! He didn't inform me about this, and when I called to check with him if it was true he got angry with me, because apparently everyone has been getting on his back about him not telling anyone. So in that respect, I am no different from the rest who weren't told. He later apologized for getting angry with me, and said that the plans for moving were not confirmed yet. Because, as it appears, it's not he who wants to move, it is some friends of his, and somehow that means he'll need to follow along. At this point I'm trying to think if this is at all excusable? All I end up at is that I must have added more meaning to us seeing each other than he did, despite him telling me he's in love with me and cares for me deeply. I asked him, since we aren't official, that if we were an official couple, what would he have done, and he answered he'd have asked me to move along! With his friends who I have no friendship with, we just know of each other. With things as they are he'd just leave, and I guess that'd be the end of whatever we were doing. I am feeling quite upset by this, and now I am not sure what to say or do really. Another thing that bothers me is that his ex had commented on the matter, as she is planning to move as well. To the very same place he is planning to move to (if his friends will move first that is). It appeared as though this was something she'd known about for quite some time, and they made a joke about competing over who'd get there first (this was a message on facebook that everyone could read). I later sent the ex a text asking her if she was moving and when she responded that yes she was (she's got her own boyfriend who is going to school in this new city), I said it must be nice then that -insert name- will soon join her to keep her company, and she responded "I don't know when he will come though, not to mention the others. I thought they would wait until next summer". This sounds like it is implying that he told her he'd come next summer, but that now it might be sooner?Now, that to me doesn't sound like a woman who is surprised by the news of him moving! I confronted him with this as well, and what his ex had said, and asked why it is that she appears to know all about it, while I'm not even told in person, but have to find out through a mutual friend. There's also been several other incidents where I've wondered if he still has feelings for his ex, because of the way he talks about her and treats her, and this to me was another nail in the coffin. He refused of course, telling me I am reading too much into it, that he's never talked to her about moving (which I find odd when she even had details about WHEN this moving would take place), and makes it out to be me who has a problem. He also brought up how I had talked about moving (I'm finishing my studies and might move to get a job, but I haven't even started looking for jobs yet), so that I had no right to complain about him moving anywhere! It is all just so confusing. And drama filled, which I don't want to get involved with. I'm wondering how I should handle this situation? We're meeting later today to talk about things, and I just don't know what to say to him. He has talked as if this is not something I should get surprised by since he's got such a strong connection with these friends of his, like it is natural that he'll move if they wish to move. I don't see how that is a logical thing to do when he's getting involved with me. We aren't official or have any status, but still. I feel he could have told me about this before hooking up with me, or at least told me about these plans in person before talking to his ex and every other friend about it. The reason why we aren't official, ironically enough, is that I was feeling iffy about his close friendship with his ex, and wanted to take this one step at a time to see how things really were. He did at one point ask if we should get official, but we didn't since I wasn't sure if I could trust him. He agreed to take it slow. I am now happy I didn't ignore my gut feeling or gave him my all and everything, but I still need to deal with this situation. I have no idea what to say to him now! Do I end the casual relationship we've got going? I don't think I would have been more involved with the planning of a move even if we were official, as he said he'd just ask me to move along if we were official! Don't you think this is something he should have mentioned prior to us starting dating, "Hey, I might randomly move at any point if my friends want to!"?!
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female
reader, nicole90  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 communication is key. you could be miles apart or next door it doesn't matter because if you have good communication it can work. if someone is not mature enough to keep communication lines open maybe they don't feel the need to improve the relationship and if that's the case and you're feeling down and out I would end it.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 September 2011):
 You complain of drama, yet you're causing it. What business do you have contacting his ex?? If he's in steady contact with her, your relationship is over.
You're casually dating, meaning your intimacy is not at a point where you're going stalking after his friends and exes.
I understand his reasons for not telling you yet. When you're not sure of moving or various plans, the smart thing is not to talk about it until it is set into stone. Why scare a loved one by talking of tentative plans as though they're confirmed?
He's known his friends longer than you. It's perfectly within bounds for him to get advice from them, as your relationship with him is still in its beginning stage. You haven't been together for 5 years. You've been seeing each other casually for a month.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 September 2011):
 He didn't tell you becuase it is still not 100% sure that they all will move. Or maybe he didn't tell you before hooking up, because he wasn't serious about you at first. I don't think people need to tell someone they hook up with that they might or might not be moving some time maybe next summer.
You guys have only been seeing each other for 1 1/2 months, so nothing is "set in stones". I would think it over, decide if he is someone you want to get to know better and spend more time (given the fact that he might move away). It is hard to say if he is moving to City X because of his ex or his friends, but if you are seriously thinking of being in a relationship with him, you need to start trusting him otherwise the relationship is pointless.
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