A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I dont actually know what to say when speaking with my boyfriend about this :/ and its CONSTANTLY on my mind!im 18 and my boyfriend is 28, we've been together for 2 and a half years now and he is the most perfect, amazing thing in my life! i found out a bit ago, that im pregnant and working out dates, it looks like i conceived around about march 16/17.. ish, during this time, i went through a horrible time, i wont go into details but i was raped, and it caused so much for me, my family and my boyfriend, the for about 4 weeks i didnt speak to anyone, but thankfully with the amazing people and support, im through the other side! but on my mind constantly! is my baby, what if its his! I went for an abortion as soon as i found out, and i couldnt do it! i couldnt bring myself to kill a tiny little life inside me, i feel love already! and i would never ever do anything to hurt him or her, but what if when i have this baby, i see the 'rapist' i see his face! and i just fall out of love :\ how could i live with myself bringing up a child while im secretly filled with hate? my boyfriend knows about everything but when i mention this to him, all he says is 'look babe, this baby is mine and yours, we will love it and no matter what, im its daddy' and this really does mean a lot! he tells me he loves 'us' all the time! and he treats me like the queen! 3 but no one understands what im going through! and no one understands when i try to talk to them! :( i just dont know what to do!! :/ if anyone can give any advice, or has sadly been through something similar? it would be such a great help! thanks, Brooke xx
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female
reader, blair.whitch  +, writes (4 February 2011):
Hi my name is blair im about 7 months pregnant and i am going through the same thing. i've spent hours online looking for a story like mine and i just want to thank you for being brave and speaking out. i would love to talk to you more about this. i really admire you for standing up to all the negativity because i've gotten the same reactions and i know how hard it is to feel like youre doing the right thing.
I think God chose us for these things to happen :)
A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (3 December 2010):
 So glad to hear that! Congratulation!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 Congratulations on getting a gorgeous girl in your life, I wish you and your new family a happy Christmas and all the best in the new year :) It is a lovely name you have given her as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys! Just wanted to update you all. Yout advice was brilliant and i apprieciate it. I gave birth to the most beutiful precious little girl in the world! On 25th November. Lilly-Rae weighing 6lb 8! She is truley amazing. And im still with my boyfriend. He is the best daddy ever! We recently got our own place. Things are perfect :( xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): Firstly Brooke i will apologise to you. I did not mean to be cruel to you. I know you are in a predicament.
The reason i questioned why you have chosen to have the rapists baby is very simple. My mothers sister was raped and she had her daughter. When i was growing up i never could understand why/how people could treat my cousin so differently. We were the same age and she was never treated as part of her mother. her mother went on to marry and have kids with her husband and my cousin was left with the granny, and the mother would almost never acknowledge her daughter. my aunts husband knew this girl was not his and basically only sought to care for his own kids. i can realistically tell you that my cousin never really stood a chance. she was an outsider, conceived from a dreadful crime. she was innocent YET she was brought into this world to be judged and to be 'used" ,mocked and basically she never did fit in. imagine the life my cousin had. this is something i would never want another kid to experience because i saw what she went through. yes my words may seem hurtful but when compared to the misery my cousin had to endure at the hands of others, i shudder to think what can/may happen in your future. i only got to know about my cousins parentage when I overhead the adults talking about her "father". not good, at all.
"...sick people like you should have been aborted! heartless person,...' i can understand your emotions at my words but remember i watched my cousin being subjected to hell from people. no, you are not "worthless" because you have been raped. i admire that you want to do the right thing, not many victims will do what you are doing.
your intentions are good. all i am saying is be realistic. i am glad you have love for this baby growing in you.
(upon re reading this thread i note that there is a possibility that your bf may be the father of this baby. i truly wish you and your bf well and that you both bring up this baby with love and honour).
you would have noted that I am pro choice in exceptional circumstances, and as per my first response, i consider rape to be one of those exceptional circumstances.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni means dear not dead in my last post!
i read it, deffinately such a sad story :( ive had a few days to myself, ive done nothing but think in this time! my head has been such a mess for so long! but im realising, theres more to life than upset and hurt! you people on this site are absolutly amazing, you help everyone get through so much, your reassuring, and you listen, i understand now, this is MY baby, and i do feel love, i love this baby, and my boyfriend loves me! we'll make this work, i could never get rid of an innocent life, everybody deserves a chance, even though i feel messed up, i dont need to mess up another life! thankyou so much guys, means alot! Georgie xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondead anon, if you didnt understand my question then you didnt not need to answer! i did actually find your answer very hurtful and offensive! so say i get rid, what if it was my boyfriends baby? how would a child be hated? how am i destroying a life by having a child which could be the result of rape, how in the world is anyone going to find out that my boyfriend is not the father of this life im carrying around! when this baby is born i know im going to love it, because the amazing people on this website have helped me realise, and understand just how positive i can make this situation! i personally think your a selfish ignorant pig to think that about another human, you may aswell say that about me, i was raped so now im worthless! this is a life, an innocent tiny precious little life which is growing inside of me, the baby didnt rape me! the baby has no reason to feel hated, me and my boyfriend have decided to keep this baby and we are going to give it the most amazing precious life which it deserves, sick people like you should have been aborted! heartless person, notice you couldnt let me know who you were!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): to chigirl, i just read that article. sad but realisitc and an eye opener.
to the OP, Brooke, please read it and please then make a choice. you may have good intentions now but........
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): i am indeed baffled- you say you feel "love" for this baby. how can you when it was conceived forcefully and wrongly. this great 'love" you talk about, what happens when this kid is born and you look it in the yes. do you re live the rape and the trauma. i find it strange that you do not want to terminate a product that was conceived by a crime. it means that perhaps the "rape" was not rape or that you want a rapist child. I do not understand your reasoning. if you have this baby people will treat it strangely. people will jusge him/her. is this fair on this innocent being. if you claim to "love" this baby then love it enpough not to put it through a life of misery and torture. love it enough to ensure that is is not hated and destroyed when it grows up. what child wants to know that it is a by product of a crime. i am sorry of my words hurt you but you need to be realistic. to me, having this kid means that you condone the action. your bf may love you now but why must he fend for someone elses child for the next 18 years. i cannot say i understand what you went through but something is not "normal" here. why would you want to give life to a child illconceived. it means looking at it everyday and it means having a living, breathing being who is a byproduct of a more sinister act. i just do not get it. the choice is yours ultimately but what a choice you are choosing to make. believe me, when you look into this kids eyes, it will be looking into your rapists eyes all the time. are you still in contact with your rapist? i think your bf is a saint if he wants to rear a rapists offspring. call me judgemental or plain naive but you will live to regret having this baby. and it is incredibly selfish of you to bring this kid into the world knowing what you do know. by having this rapists child it means that you are condoning his actions. i am sorry to be rude but i just do not understand this reasoning of yours. sorry!
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female
reader, birchybabe15 +, writes (7 June 2010):
 If its unbearable theres always adoption. Give it a try i thought id hate my daughter because I was so young and my partner had cheated on me as i was 9 months pregnant but my daughter is my world out oof something terrible came the best thing ever. x x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): read disgrace.
in this bood, the daugher of the main character gets raped by three guys, and she keeps the baby. She said that out of all the hate that happened in the moment she was raped, the living child wa sthe only love that came out if it.
there s also the symbolism and all behind it. but thats the main idea.
I am sorry for what happened to you. Wish you all the best
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (5 June 2010):
The text got a little mixed in my last post, what I meant was that the two decisions needed to be made separately is whether or not you wish to know the identity of the father, and then what to do with the child.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (5 June 2010):
As for my personal opinion:
I also wonder, is it possible to have a DNA test taken while the fetus is in the womb? I believe that you will always wonder who the father is. Even if you have an abortion or not. I believe if you have an abortion, you will always have grief because you don't know if it was your boyfriends baby or not. I believe if you had an abortion, the thought that this could have been you and your boyfriends baby, and not the rapists, will break your heart.
There is the option of adoption. But I think, as scary as it is, you should get a paternity test for this child. If it truly is your boyfriends child, then you will want to keep it, wouldn't you? And I think, if you gave the baby away for adoption, without KNOWING who's child it is, it would break your heart.
But that is just me. I would want to know, if not then it would spin in my head for the rest of my life, and I'm not sure if I would love my child fully, if I always had a fear that it belongs to a rapist.
So, to clarify, I see your options as these:
Know the identity of the father
Not knowing
Abortion
Adoption
Keeping
I see those as separate decisions to be made. I suggest you make your decision on both of these subjects separately. What is most important to you? Knowing? Keeping the child? Distancing yourself from the rapist and the memories? The thing that is most important to you will help guide you in what decision is best for you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (5 June 2010):
It took me a while to dig up this, but I think you should read it. I don't mean to be discouraging, or to promote other webpages, but it was written by a woman who was raped, got pregnant, and had the baby. Perhaps it could offer you some insight.
http://blogs.news.com.au/bossy/index.php/news/comments/i_dont_love_my_daughter_what_should_i_do/52099
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): This child was given to you by one of two people, but it is in no way connected to either. It is solely connected to you. It is a pure, innocent life, made only to love and live.
And if you end up not loving it for some reason (I've never heard of this happening. I know rape victims who have had children due to it at as young as 13 and they all loved their children immediately) then you can always adopt out. I am an adopted child. Abortion is not the only option... You can give this child the gift of life. Because in all honesty, that's the best gift of all. Even if that's the only thing you ever give it, it will never stop appreciating you for it.
I honestly hate how people either want to keep a baby or abort it now-adays... I wouldn't even exist if that were so when I was born. That idea scares me. I feel so much joy just because I get to live.. And my heart breaks for every baby that doesn't.
I am pro-choice, so it is your choice for this... But please consider either keeping it or adoption... Abortion can destroy women mentally and be very physically damaging.. You may become sterile, even.
Be careful, be happy. Don't worry so much right now. Just take this one step at a time. You'll figure out what you want to do if you don't worry so much. It will come to you so much easier, hon.
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A
female
reader, love-struckxo  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 Ulimately, it's your baby. Not anyone elses. Think of this way, you're the mother, and you get to choose the father. Which would be your boyfriend.
I don't understand, what you're going through. But, as long as the baby has love, care & support, that's all that matters. Blood or not, the person who is there for the baby is the father.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (5 June 2010):
 Hey there, it breaks my heart that this all happened to you. But you have a lot of silver linings, a boyfriend who loves you and this baby for instance. Your baby will have a daddy no matter what and thats terrific.
also, remember that the baby is part of you too. your genes. and when the baby comes out, I'm sure you'll love that little creature more than you can imagine.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 June 2010):
 Brooke, it's too hard for us to deal with here,you need people who have experience what you have suffered.
Abortion is your choice and only your choice to make. We can't tell you if this is your boyfriends child, we also can't tell you if you or your boyfriend will hate or love it when it is born... we cant see your future.
Please call the Rape Crisis Centres... http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/index.php (look up online the telephone number of your nearest centre) You need someone expert to talk to, someone who can tell you want kinds of emotions may be brought up if you decide to keep the child, abort or get it adopted. These people have been there, they have experienced of rape and it's aftermath.
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female
reader, Midge +, writes (4 June 2010):
I know exactly what you are going through. I was raped at the age of 15 by someone I trusted. I found out I was pregnant not long after. I had never slept with anyone, so it couldnt have been anyone elses.
Unfortunately I didnt have a man in my life that seems to be as wonderful and understanding as yours! So treasure him! And I mean that!
I know what you mean about looking at the baby and seeing the rapists face, but I can honestly say, when the baby comes, that just doesnt happen. You see the baby for what it is, a gift! And nothing changes that! If your boyfriend is happy to take on the responsibility that is ahead, then I would just run with it! Enjoy the experience of being an expecting mother and father! And enjoy the anticipation of your baby!
I have never looked back on my decision, but sadly, my baby passed away in infancy. I miss him every day!
You have been through a very bad experience and its something you will never really forget, and you have been left with a little something extra. A baby! Think of it as a "reward" for coming through a bad ordeal. That is how I looked at mine, and I have never looked back. I would make the same decision again and again! Enjoy what God has given you. Yours and your boyfriends Gift!
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