A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok, well im in love with my best friends ex, i've always loved him even befor they went out i just dont understand why he chose her over me, she had a boyfriend when he asked her out and then she broke up with her boyfriend for him and the day she told me this i was going to tell her i liked the boy, but i didnt cause she told me she liked him.. Should i have told her that i liked him? Would things be different if i did ? Would he have noticed me if i told her and she said no? Whould she have said no? these are questions i need to be answered my mind and nothing but blanks..I dont really know wat to do, but there not together any more but they still love each other and they talk and text ALL the time.. my best friend has a boyfriend now but its not him, he asked out my other best friend and she said yes, and i loved him so much i went to my other best friend and convinced her to break up with him.. i told her he would hurt her.. Was i wrong for that? Does that make me a bad friend? the love i have for him makes me crazy, i catch myself calling him by private and then hanging up i used to text him every day, but he never noticed that i like him we called each other brother and sister.. I dont know what to do im lost, and need help will someone please just please help me on what to do.. im too scared to tell him the truth.. im scared of the rejection, and my best friend hating me, also the friend i had convinced to break up with him, im a bad person i know, but its killing me i cry every night over him and he doesnt even know, im tired of not getting answers i want answers please.... Will some one help me ??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): I really don't like people who fling around the word "love" all willy-nilly. You never knew him romantically, how could you love him? Sure you could have romantic interest, even strong romantic interest but that isn't LOVE. Love is something that is built over time by two people. Unrequited love is just a deep liking that never goes anywhere.
Love is made up of compromise and romance and dedication and hard work. I don't think him ignoring you and saying you're his sister is him working with you on a romantic relationship. He doesn't like you that way. He never has an he never will-- and if you honestly "loved" him, you wouldn't have taken away someone who he actually wanted and was made happy by... Just for really no reason. You hurt two people with that action, including the guy you supposedly "love."
You need to get over him and yourself. He thinks of you as a sister. He doesn't like you. He obviously isn't shy, as he asks out girls all the time. You guys talked frequently, he obviously knows you're there. He doesn't like you. You two aren't compatible. Sorry to be harsh, but you need some tough love to move on. You don't need a bunch of people holding your hand, because that will just make you worse.
If you care about him, you will move on and stop ruining his relationships and making him unhappy. There are tons of guys out there who would be willing to devote everything to you, and who are awesome looking and sweet and amazing, but you're the one keeping them all away.. And he probably does notice you like him-- guys almost always notice that, but when it is a girl they DON'T like, they IGNORE it.
I loved a boy for 3 years of my life who never fully devoted to me. Off and on, we were romantic that whole time. He would devote himself to me slightly, but never commit, and then suddenly tell me he likes someone else more and go out with them. Then when they broke up, he was back to me until the next candidate. I knew him romantically, and I grew to love him despite him hurting me.. And because I loved him, I let him be with people he actually wanted to be with. I never once made anyone break up with him. Guess what? FInally I moved on. Immediately after, I met my soul mate. I have been with him since I was 15 and I've never been happier. We are engaged to be married.
So start moving on. He isn't the one for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): You should have otld your bestfriend in the first place you liked him. And of course it was a horrible thing telling your friend to dump him whhen you want him, and he wanted her, I mean wtf.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 It is not right to tell your other best friend to break up with him . You had an ulterior motive .
Suppose you were in her shoes,would you listen to your best friend asking you to break off with your b/f?
She would ask herself what is your motives of wanting them to break up ?
The love he had for you is just like a brother and sister. This means that you cannot have any romantic love or he does not love you like a g/f.
You need to accept the reality that he will never be in love with you and you need to move on and focus on your other priorities in life.
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A
female
reader, psychic gypsy  +, writes (5 June 2010):
You will find 5-10 loves b4 you find "The One". #1 rule of women and dating their ex's is NO NO NO! Are you a bad person no, we make irrational decisions while in love, are you a bad friend? Yes where this matter is concerned! So do the right thing even if its a sacrifice for you. And communicating with your friend about this if you feel so much guilt may be wise, On the other hand it may also ruin your friendship. Their are a million men out there who are hotter, smarter, richer, and made for you. If you are religious pray your soulmate into your life. Do unto others, how would you feel if the roles were reversed? You need to come clean on any wrong you did her as scary as the results may be in the end. Trust, respect, communication is essential in healthy relationships. You are young I can tell with age comes wisdom. Get the movie "THE SECRET'. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 That middle paragraph of your post is a bit confusing I can't figure out who is breaking up who there. Anyhow my sugestion is to tell your best friend that you really really like her ex and always have liked him even before she was with him and ask her how she feel if you two were together. I went out with a best friends ex and it was all cool with her and we are still friends. You can only ask then you will know and can decide what to do from there.
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A
female
reader, INTJ +, writes (5 June 2010):
You have let him go and redirect your affections. If he hasn't noticed you yet he probably never will.
By the way, what did your best friend think when your other friend started dating her ex? If you don't know, ask her. If she was pissed that her friend could date her ex then you know you are risking your friendship if you insist on persuing this guy (who probably doesn't like like you unfortuntaely).
Go out and rent He Just Isn't That Into You and watch it with your friends. Then go to a club and find another hottie to lust afte ;
Best of luck lovie!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 June 2010):
 Talk it over with your best friend. It's important that you keep the relationship right with your friend. Ask her if she's okay with you dating her ex, and respect her feelings on it. Your BF might indeed be 100% over this guy.
One question - why did your friend break up with the guy? And it seems that you're passing this guy around amongst your friends. Why not go after someone who hasn't been with your friends?
Your best friend has another boyfriend, but you still owe it to the friendship by talking it over. And do it quickly. What's kept you from going after this guy before your friends did? Does he not like you?
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