A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Well guys m confused how to think about something , i had a relationship with a girl for almost 5 years everything was great but we had to break up because she left the countery to study far away but we keept contact as good freind few months later she met someone and she was living with him in the same house, we never had sex because she was not ready but few moths from when she left she is having sex all the time with him and niw she's Pregnant with his baby she called me criying for emotional support n advices n she told me that she still love me ... she is staying thete for 6 years or more so we cant be together in the same counteryfor a long time n i still love here and i thinj she is the love of my life she didn't keep the baby n we r talking all the time.I don't know what to do in this situation so please help me !
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (18 June 2018):
 How is she the love of your life? You broke up with each other. That means for whatever reason you two did NOT work and are NOT a good match.
You need to cut contact. She has a BF So It is not your duty to be there for her, she can’t keep leaning on you whenever she feels like it. That’s what her BF is for. Move on with your life.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 June 2018):
 If one of your friends came to you with this scenario, what would you advise? Would you advise him to put his life on hold indefinitely, with no guarantee he would ever get back with this ex, or would you advise him to move on with his life and let leave the ex where she belonged, in the past? I bet it would be the latter.
You seem to be of the opinion that there is only one person on this planet for you, and that it is this girl. This is only true if you insist on hanging on to the past and refusing to allow anyone else near you. You are wasting your young life. You will look back years down the line and regret how much time you wasted.
This girl has another boyfriend. She is not a free agent. Staying with him but keeping you "on the boil" is selfish and unfair.
You sound like a caring human being, but you are allowing her to use you and to waste your time, time you will never get back. You are not allowing yourself time to get over her and to move on. SHE, on the other hand, has already moved on but it keeping a foot in each camp, just in case.
The problem is, you will not let go until YOU are ready. It is irrelevant what advice you receive from others, especially strangers on a forum. You will hang on and hang on, wasting your life on someone who is not available. Life is for living. You are not living at the moment. You are just existing as a support for your ex. Hopefully you will wake up one day and realize what is going on here and start living again. If this girl is meant for you, she will come back to you. In the meantime, stop wasting time on her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2018): You can only offer her support and not much else. You can't place your life on hold; or get too mixed-up in her situation. She has made a few bad choices; and she's also emotional and dealing with pregnancy hormones. She is reaching out to any male she can find with a sympathetic ear; probably because the father has bailed-out on her.
If not physically, emotionally.
You're her connections to back-home. It might be difficult for her to deal with her family right-now; perhaps due to disagreement and concerns about her situation.
You don't really have a true emotional-connection to this young lady; so reach-out to see how she's doing from time to time, but don't get too involved in her drama. She'll figure it out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 June 2018):
 I agree, with Ciar and Code Warrior,
I would just wish her well and cut all contact. You were with her at a very young age and for a GOOD number of years, so it's not strange that you still hold some feelings for her. The things is, OP SHE moved on. Not only to another country, another life but another man.
SHE is still with that other man so her talking to you is kind of inappropriate. Would you like it if she WAS your GF and was reaching out to an ex to give her emotional support? Of course you wouldn't.
She KNOWS you still care about her and she is USING that to have you as her support network instead of making things work with the BF.
You can care for someone and "set them free" as you did when she moved and you two broke up but you also need to set YOURSELF free. Right now you are so caught up in being her "white knight" that you are holding yourself back from meeting someone who WANTS and CAN be with you. someone who lives closer to you, someone you can see, and talk to IN person every day. Someone who isn't just using you.
Time for this ex to stand on her own two feet, you can't continue to hold her up.
And time for you to work on YOUR future, not just hers.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 June 2018):
 Nothing you can do, as I see it. The circumstances that prevented you from having a relationship haven't changed.
In fact there are even more reasons not to resume with her.
I think she needs to figure out what she wants and she's not going to do that when she's muddying the waters by crying on your shoulder.
As painful as it may be, I would tell her to contact you when she's sorted out and is ready to be with you full time. You're not her friend. You're a past, and hopefully future lover so you can't be objective.
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