A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So a guy I work with initially showed some interest in me, which if you know me is quite rare. At first I was a little uncertain, he wasn't my usual type but we did make eachother laugh and it's been a while so I thought why not.We gradually got closer and closer until I really did begin to fall for him, however as my interest gradually built his seems to be fading. He almost never replies to messages, texts, whatsapp, fb you name it. When in person, he seems to still enjoy when I flirt, but doesn't flirt back anymore, 1 of his friends who met us initially thought we were a couple because of the flirting etc, he asked if we were on a date there and then, but then he hasted to correct him that we were just colleagues, not even friends just colleagues. So I feel kinda dumb obviously there was nothing there, but then he got miffed when I stopped stroking his leg, I asked if he liked it then and he replied "yeah obviously"I've asked to meet up with him next week, and just got a response of "sure" but then as soon as I tried making arrangements, went back to receiving radio silence.Just don't know what to think, every time I think ok there's definitely nothing there he does something that makes it "obvious" there is, then when I start to think ok well there is something, he will say something on the contrary or just not reply at all.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 June 2018):
 You’re wasting your time.
If he wanted to spend time with you he would do, it’s quite simple.
Don’t forget that you’re in a workplace, you’re not there to find a relationship. Keep Work and your love life separate, be professional at all times. If you got together then broke up how awkward would work be? Don’t pursue your colleagues, do the job you’re being paid to.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 June 2018):
 Playing games takes two (or more). Stop ALLOWING him to mess with your head and he will be able to do nothing about it.
Some people enjoy teasing and flirting, with absolutely no serious intention of doing anything more. This man sounds like one of them. He is enjoying his power over you. He knows he can reel you in any time he likes. Show him he is wrong. Be civil and professionally polite towards him, but don't allow him to mock you in this way. You are worth better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2018): He needs attention and someone fawning over him. It might be he's trying to make someone else he likes jealous. So stereotypical nowadays! She loves me, she loves me not!
In gay-culture; there's something you should learn in order to protect your feelings, and not get caught-up in hot & cold situations like this in the future. He's apparently after someone else; but you'll do in a pinch.
Go back to being colleagues, strictly colleagues, just like he says. Be polite while on the job; and distant otherwise.
He has no real romantic-interest in you. You're more or less a tool he's using to manipulate someone else; or just playing head-games because he knows you like him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 June 2018):
 He isn't looking for anything but for you to give him ego-rubs.
He likes the idea of you "lusting" after him or wanting to get to know him.
I think he might not be either comfortable with ACTUALLY dating a man or just not really into you.
I think he is a tease and he knows it. He knows, I think, that you are not in doubt of what you like and what you want.
Personally, I would go back to treating him like ANY other coworker. No more flirting, not more touching and no more texting outside work (that hasn't to do with work) in short I would STOP playing his game. simply pull back and pull away. Do NOT be available for his little mind games. If he DOES bring it up just laugh it off as a "well, we ARE just coworkers and nothing more"...
If YOU are looking to find yourself a partner, HE isn't an option. LOOK elsewhere (preferable NOT at your work place). Work place romances are just not a good idea.
You are wasting your time and energy on a guy who doesn't want you in the way you would like him too.
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