A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I need advice in what to do. I am withy bf for 2 years.He was working in a place for 2 years and in that time he became friend with his female supervisor. A lady like 15 years older than him, they both speak the same mother language because they are from the same culture and both foreigners. She left to a different company and 2 months after he got fired them happened that she texted him offered a job in her new company. He agreed and they are working together again. What I don't like is they share a lot of time together at work, yes because same building same schedule, but they text each other after work hours and last weekend he met her to help her in a family matter which he said to me she asked for help and he agreed. helped her. According to my bf she is married but I don't know why I i have this horrible feeling that something is going on.. One day he was late for work and she called him to asked if he was coming at all or not and I could see him like nervous and kind of attitude like talking fast and I was there and I got so angry to see how she talks and how he smile.. After I asked him what she need help for and he told me that her sister arrived to America a few months ago and she needs a used car and he drove a car to showed it. Next day I remember when he told me that her husband started a new job as a sales supervisor in a dealer company.. I got so angry at myself but I didn't say a thing to him .. After we had a huge argument and I told him that I am very uncomfortable with his friendship with this lady and he got all mad at me saying that I have not right to act like that and he told me if I don't believe they are just friends is better then to get separated and broke up.. I don't know if I am crazy but why he needed to go to help her with that car if her husband works selling cars?? I am actually in a doubt that this lady is married at all.. One day like a year ago we both went to visit some friends and she was in the same parking lot visiting some other people , I could see how she wanted to come near and say hi to him but instead he rushed into the car and just waived his hand out of the window and started the car fast and leave. I hate this feeling I don't know what to do. We talked more argued about it and he said is nothing going on but I hav this sad bad feeling.. I am thinking in all. t
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2016): I don't know why the title introduction of your question refers to your boyfriend as your husband?
I don't think there was anything going on as far as your boyfriend is concerned. I think because they're of the same nationality, she grew a little too dependent. He was grateful for a job, and she used that as a means to manipulate him. She wanted some "guy-attention" and used excuses to get him to do things outside the realm of his job-description.
I think you rushed to judgement. I think she was being
manipulative; and taking advantage of the fact she offered him a job right after he lost one. She felt he owed her something for it, and used him when she could. Using him as a male fill-in for her useless husband.
You apparently don't trust your boyfriend; and if you don't trust him, you're better off apart.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (13 May 2016):
 Look, maybe he's just grateful that she got him a job... And you should be too, especially after he got fired. I'm pretty sure there's nothing to it and he's just being nice to her because she just saved him because good luck getting a job in this shitty economy. There's no reason for him to be mean to her and shut her out.
However, it's best to end it if you don't trust him because something or the other would keep bothering you about them once you've made up your mind about it. If you don't trust him then that's pretty much it and there's nothing he or anyone can do or say to make you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2016): As HIS WIFE, he needs to CHOOSE YOU. NOT HER.Plain and simple.She is NOBODY to him. Just a boss. And co-worker. They have absolutely NO BUSINESS being friends outside of work. In fact, this is a very BAD idea. It only causes problems. And this is absolutely evident by your post here.She has NO RIGHT to ask him to help her deal with anything personal OUTSIDE of business. Not now. Not ever. She has OVER STEPPED her boundaries. Without one single doubt. AND HE is an accomplice. He has ALLOWED her to step outside her boundaries by WILLINGLY helping her out on personal matters which pertain nothing to the business they are involved with. She has opened the door. He has chosen to walk through the door. When what he SHOULD have done is closed it shut. Not even entertained the thought. He SHOULD have shut her down. He SHOULD have told her he is not able to help her. That their relationship should be STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL. And if SHE does not LIKE THAT, then HE is GOING TO RESIGN FROM HIS JOB! AND HER LIFE!The excuse about the car does sound shady to me. It does not make any sense given that her apparent husband is in the car sales industry. You are correct in your assumption that the excuse is flimsy and difficult to believe.Why is he giving YOU the ultimatum????That is RIDICULOUS!You are HIS WIFE!!You have every right to be upset and concerned. Now, I do not have a crystal ball BUT I can tell you something strange is going on. Maybe they are bordering on having the affair or maybe some improper behaviour and feelings are surfacing between them. Maybe they've already slept together. Who knows for sure? But where there is smoke, there is fire.My best advice right now would be to COOL DOWN. Ok? Can you do that? Just calm down. Leave it alone. At least let HIM think that. Do not ask him any more questions or bring her up again. BUT what you do need to do is follow him without him knowing. Or hire a Private Investigator and have him tracked. Let him think you have forgotten about it. Are you a good actress? If not, do your best. He needs to think you trust him and believe him now. But in the meantime, never trust a man. Remember that. They will do whatever they can to get away with things. They do not think with the right head most of the time. They prey on innocent and trusting women and wives to get away with bad behaviour. Your eyes need to be wide open. Take back your power. Play his game and play it better. Be strong. Let him think all is well. And have him followed. Once you get the evidence, you can nail him. But before that, make sure you consult a divorce lawyer.Is this good advice for you?I hope so.It will work out. If he is cheating, no matter how hard, you are better off in the long run WITHOUT HIM. AND you will be financially stable. No worries about that.Now to address the trust issue, it looks like you don't trust him. And you probably will never trust him. Is there something about him that makes you think he is the cheating type? Has he cheated before? Been too friendly with women? Neglects you and your needs? Is selfish? Narcissistic? Emotionally detached? etc? Obviously there is something about HIM that makes you very UNEASY. My question is: CAN YOU LIVE WITH THIS? Having to police your husband constantly can be very emotionally draining. Eventually you will break down. Isn't it better to have PEACE OF MIND with a man you know will never hurt you or betray you? Good guys are out there.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 May 2016):
 If you cannot trust him well then he is right you are as well breaking up. There is no point being in a relationship where their is no trust. I cannot tell if he is having an affair or not, but it does sound like they might just be good friends.
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