A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really frustrated. I'm surrounded by couples everywhere. I'm friends with alot of couples and sometimes I feel awkward. I've never kissed a girl, or had a girlfriend. One time, all of my friends were sitting around talking about their first kiss and I just felt isolated and alone. I respect women. I hold doors open for them, pick up things when they drop them, I'm a gentleman. It's what I live by. But I wish with all my heart that there was a special girl in my life. Also, everyone has always told me not to worry, I'll find someone, my time will come. This is even more frustrating. Hearing this for years is not reassuring at all. Please help.
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (1 October 2011):
my personal opinion (just my own opinion) about how people like to say things like "don't worry you'll find someone when you're least expecting it" is not always comforting because it's only true under the "right" circumstances. So it may or may not be true for you, it just depends on your circumstances. So you have to make sure and do what's in your power to create the "right" environment for yourself before you start leaving things to chance and feel comfortable in that.For example, while it's true that many people meet their partners when they weren't actively looking or trying, it only happened because conditions were right. Meaning, they were in an environment where it was at least somewhat probable that other people of their "type" (age, background, personality, interests, values etc) were around so that chance meetings could occur. If you lived on a deserted island versus in a big city, you would have very different chances of finding someone when you are not trying to or are least expecting it.It's like finding the right job or career or niche within it. Some of it is luck, but for serendipity to occur there has to be a probable chance that it can occur which means conditions have to be right in the first place. And this is where intent and effort come into play, which is in creating the right environment that presents possibilities. so, do all you can do is try your best to create an environment for yourself in which you're likely to meet the right people. And then relax, lighten up, try to enjoy your life as it is and be patient.If this approach doesn't work for you - and it doesn't work for everyone, since no one approach works for everyone - if you're more goal oriented or need to feel more in control, then you can certainly actively look for a romantic partner. Look for singles groups, matchmaking sites, let friends know that you'd be interested in being introduced to other singles, etc.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): I think you should try to get involved in a sport or start a hobby. You will meet new people and it will give you the chance to socialize and realize what you really want in a girl. Be yourself and never lose the gentleman in you. Girls really like that, I would know because I am one,but deinfetly never try to be anyone other than you and you will definetly find the perfect someone for you eventually.
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A
male
reader, Mr. Don T Knowitall  +, writes (1 October 2011):
don't despair! It will happen if you are patient, but you have to make an effort as well. You say you're tired of hearing it, but it's true - you're young, you've got lots of time. Try online dating sites to talk with girls and maybe get a few dates lined up. It doesn't have to be serious, just get out there and spend time with the opposite sex. go for coffee, lunch, a movie. If you put too much pressure on yourself it will only backfire, so just relax and try to have a good time and see where it goes and let nature take its course.
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A
male
reader, Mr. Don T Knowitall +, writes (1 October 2011):
don't despair! It will happen if you are patient, but you have to make an effort as well. You say you're tired of hearing it, but it's true - you're young, you've got lots of time. Try online dating sites to talk with girls and maybe get a few dates lined up. It doesn't have to be serious, just get out there and spend time with the opposite sex. go for coffee, lunch, a movie. If you put too much pressure on yourself it will only backfire, so just relax and try to have a good time and see where it goes and let nature take its course.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (1 October 2011):
Hi there. You have many many years left of your life, so don't give up now - please.What is a useful thing to consider, is how to meet nice young ladies your own age.Don't go looking in bars, because many people there are half drunk by he time you meet. So that's pretty much a total waste of time.Instead, you could start a hobby that interests you and that you are passionate about.Obviously, a hobby or interest that takes you out of your house to pursue it. Where you all meet somewhere to do the hobby, whether it's making things with your hands or an activity that is of general interest to both men and women.Perhaps you could look through your local business yellow pages phone book - under "clubs" - to see what types of clubs are around. There are many and varied, no shortage at all.What about dancing? There are many types. I'm talking about learning some kind of dancing, so you are learning as well as meeting young ladies you can become friends with.Then there's activities like bushwalking clubs. This appeals to both men and women. Plus, the scenery is absolutely gorgeous, and it's a healthy activity, and being at one with nature. It's great exercise, and it's really enjoyable as well. Only average fitness is required, so no worries there really.What about playing a game of golf? If you have never played, you could play with a couple of mates so they can teach you a few basic shots - which is really easy. Again, you are out in the fresh air and getting some exercise as well. There's mixed games as well, so there's another way to meet nice young ladies.Then there's the very ordinary everyday events that people just get talking sometimes, such as:-(1) In a supermarket walking along the aisles. Someone might ask you where something is.(2) Waiting in a supermarket checkout queue.(3) Waiting in a bank queue.(4) Waiting at a bus stop.(5) Waiting on a train station.(6) Waiting to cross a road at a set of traffic lights.Honestly, the possibilities are virtually endless.In everyday life, there are loads of opportunities to get talking to someone. It might not happen every day, however it can happen at any time at all.And you will know when a person looks like they would like to talk. And you will also know when someone isn't in the mood for talk - for instance, if they are reading a book, magazine or newspaper. Or else, someone who was walking along obviously very deep in thought. So don't approach someone like that.Another idea, is you could ask a young lady for directions to a street you are unfamiliar with. And if you get to talk about that and get to talk about other things, well that's great. Sometimes it may result in a great long conversation, and other times it could just be an answer and then nothing. So in that case, don't pursue it any further, or they might get annoyed.In any case, you will get a sense of when to continue and when not to. It's a gut feeling.And should one of these encounters when you do get to talk become a conversation, well then just go with it and see where it leads.All relationships, first begin with an initial "hello" and a smile. Chance meetings. This is what life is all about.Don't bother with dating sites. Most people lie on those sites and you can't necessarily trust that what they say is the truth - or that they might actually be married! So don't go there at all. It's too risky.Now say you see someone on a train or a bus, or waiting for either of these two, and especially if you see them every single day, well then that's a perfect opportunity to begin the process of first trying to catch they glance and hold their gaze for at least a second.Then see if you think they seem even slightly interested. It's fairly obvious. If they hold a gaze with you for a few seconds, before looking away - that's a good sign.If they didn't look again, you can be fairly sure they might not be. Although, it's not always the case - they could be shy. So don't give up altogether.Try doing this for a few days to see if it develops a bit more. And if it does, and they keep returning your gaze, you might like to give them a little smile and see if the smile is returned. This is a good sign also.After a few days or maybe a week, you might say - "Hi!" (and smile) - and see what they do.In other words, little by little. Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. All good things take time. And it's so worth it, to remember that.And supposing that over a couple of weeks, of seeing this nice young lady every day you begin to talk to each other, well then don't worry too much about what to talk about. You would most likely say something like - "Hi! How was your day?" And then, it goes from there.You can do it. I know you can, and you know you can also.
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