A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Still love my ex and she confuses me. Try to get all the details in but be brief here. Girl i worked with years ago who was also one of my friends exes and another friends sister, Started showing interest in me and i had always liked her so went out on a date and got together, V in love with each other until almost a year into the relationship she broke up with me. She said it was i was not as sociable as she was she liked going to clubs and staying out late and i liked to go for dinner or stay in and have drinks or do things just the two of us. She saw a future where she would go to weddings and such on her own when we were older and was basically worried about turning into her mum, who never goes out really. I didn't spend much time with her and her friends and at the end of the day her friends kind of won. Although i liked them. We are both 28 and she hangs out with much younger people as she works shifts in a restaurant she can go out during the week where as i have a 9-5 and can't really party during the week.After a week of being broken up we went out,ended up in bed together and basically were friends with benefits up until about xmas. I went away for New Years and bumped into her when i cam e back in a club and we kind of carried on again. There is a very strong sexual attraction between us and we can sit up all night talking about everything (her friends an mother tell her she is crazy as this is very rare! so she tells me). She had been missing me and we talked about getting back together which was really her doing although she was scared of hurting me or being hurt myself. She often suggested that she thinks she might be scared of commitment and that may have been a factor in her break up. THis never happened and she states she wouldn't go out with her at the moment so she doesn't want to be with anyone, Sex continued and then we didn't see each other for few weeks and she did not return some of my texts. One night she suggested we stopped seeing each other so moch as we always ended up in bed and it wasn't fair on me. I thought we should not see each other at all and we basically broke up again. 6 weeks have passed and we met the other day at a funeral we were at,afterwards in the bar we got chatting and we were having a good time and i could feel the attraction was still there. Nothing happened but i was reminded of how much i love her. I think we had something great as we really are great friends too but i don't know whether to cut her out of my life forever which won't be easy due to her brother being a very good friend or to fight for her because i want to be with her. I have kissed one other girl since the initial break up who i didn't even like and i don't know about her but I'm sure she has probably out on the pull as she seems to be out in clubs several nights a week like she used to be before we got together. What do i do please??
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks folks for your replies i think i'm just going to move on with my life, if i keep myself busy then i might not think about her so much, if she comes back to me sometime in the future then we'll see what happens but i can't sit around wondering forever, I asked her to go out one night this week(it was a moment of weakness i admit lol)to something we had organised ages ago, she said she would but she was working that night and would try to get someone else to do her shift, she hasn't been able to and to be honest i'm glad, she knows where I am if she realises she has made a mistake. Meantime i have to start having fun again. And should i bump into her which i'm sure i will i'll try to stay strong and not let anything happen. If she started seeing somebody else it would actually be so much easier!
A
female
reader, Emmy-Lou +, writes (20 March 2008):
 I wouldn't say to completely brush her to one side, if you can start spending more time with her in the party scene, she obviously knows that you are making the effort and has started to return the favour by wanting to spend more time with you. But I still have a concern for when she is partying alone. If she tends to get drunk, I am sorry to say that she might come home with a heavier phone book.But at the end of the day, you do what you feel is right for you.Hope this helps and good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that. The thing is since we broke up i did start going out and partying with her quite alot, we weirdly went away for a weekend with the intention of partying the whole time and she just wanted to stay in the hotel and chill every night! Sometime i think she maybe needs to grow up a bit or maybe i need to act my age and not like an old man! lol. Maybe she doesn't know what she wants, i waited years for us to get together the first time can i do it again?????
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Why do you think she is out on the pull? Has she been seeing other guys? She might just really enjoy dancing. Doesn't mean she is romantically or sexually involved with anyone else.
It basically sounds like you two despite an attraction to each other, want different types of partners. You are a more relaxed person who likes a simple dinner and evenings at home. She is a party animal.
That is hard to mix. She doesn't want to give up going out and you can't and don't want to go with her.
Find out if she has been seeing other men before you acuse her of being on the pull. She does not deserve a rep just because she likes to go clubbing.
If she has been sleeping around, it is best to end it, you are too different and she makes it clear you are not enough for her.
but if she hasn't, sit down with together and try and find out if you can work out a compromise. Is she just afraid that if she settles with you she can forget going out? Does she want to keep up her current life forever? Perhaps you can join her more often?
If not, then end it. Opposites attract, I like it myself but being together is very very hard especially if both WANT different things. An outgoing girl who also likes evening at homes can make it with a guy who likes evening at homes but doesn't mind a wild party. But it doesn't seem like either of you is willing to meet the other half-way long-term.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): Well you can't put your life on hold. I would try non serious dating this might get her to rethink. It sounds like your going to bump into her from time to time, i would talk but try not to end up in bed. If she starts to miss you she will let you know. If she can click her fingers and you come running why would she offer more?
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Emmy-Lou +, writes (19 March 2008):
To be completely honest with you if she is out partying all the time the fact of the matter is that she probably has been out on the pull.
If you get back together there is a very good chance that she won't change. Unfortunately that could lead to her cheating on you which is never nice.
I can understand how much you love her and it would be devistatingly difficult to cut her out, but at the end of the day you need to start concentrating on yourself, not her.
You will keep tormening yourself and it will make it harder to let go at the end of the day.
But in other cases she may just like to party, but I find it highly unlikely.
If you really love her that much and can't see a future without her then try taking it slow, and ask her to change her ways. If she won't, it's not worth the hassle.
Hope this helps and good luck.
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