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female
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anonymous
writes:HI all..This is really wierd...but I just really want to hear someone's opinion on this: (I'm sorry it's so long) There's this guy who's been one of my closest friends for more than 8 yrs, we met when we were 16. He's one of my best friends, we love each other to bits. I've always thought of him as being one of the most wonderful people I know, and that he'd be a great catch for any girl. He had no vices, he was the sweetest person, very sincere, didn't drink, smoke, womanize...all in all a "good guy". He's been going out with this girl for nearly two years now, they work at the same place, they're together almost all day and she and I are pretty close too (He introduced me to her when they started going out and she and I really hit it off). She confides in me, and thinks of me as one of her closest friends, and we get along great. So I was talking to my friend two days back, and he told me that since a couple of months ago, he's been making out (and more) with some other girl who also works there, but his gf and the girl don't know each other. He said she doesn't know, and he's not sure why he did it, but he sometimes think he wants out of the relationship, but is afraid of what she might do to herself, even though they do love each other (or so he says). I know it's hardly any of my business, but in my previous relationship I was cheated on and not just once. I hated it, and I can't bear to see any other girl go through the same thing. However, I did tell him that I would not tell her, since it's up to him. Anyway, this has me shocked, since I believed that he was one of the nicest guys ever, and didn't think he would ever hurt someone like this. And now, I'm just left wondering if all men are like this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your replies, you all helped me clear my head, and get my thoughts in order. I talked to him about it today, after reading your replies and told him that she deserves to know, reminded him how bad he'd felt for me when I'd told him I was being cheated on, and he agreed to talk to her. Hopefully, if she turns to me for comfort, I'll be able to help her out.
"Quite honestly, what I'd do is explain to him that you ARE his friend, and you DO love him, but you've also grown to love and respect his girlfriend." - India, thanks for this...I didn't know how to tell him why I would want to tell her. This really helped.
Thanks to you all. :)
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (13 December 2006):
 Like everyone else has said, NOT all men are like this. It's unfortunate that your buddy has bummed you out like this. What a crappy situation to be stuck in the middle of!
Quite honestly, what I'd do is explain to him that you ARE his friend, and you DO love him, but you've also grown to love and respect his girlfriend. Tell him that what he's doing just isn't acceptable and has really made him a disappointment to you. Tell him that not only has he betrayed his girlfriend, but he's also made you really think less of him as a friend and as a man.
And I'd tell him straight up, "if you don't tell her in the next three days - I will.".
That's just what I would personally do. Every situation is different. Use your best judgement.
Good luck, sweetheart. Follow us up, tell us what happens!
xxIndia
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): Not all men are ike this. I know it's hurting and you're completely confused about which way to go. I guess the "best possible way" now is to talk to the guy and figure out why he did that to their relationship. Maybe, and it seems to me that this interpretation is the most feasible one, he has been frustrated or even disillusioned in his relationship and it no longer satisfies him. Any cheating act takes place under a deteriorating situation of "insecurity and the loss of cohesion, integrity and self-recognition". Perhaps you can fix it up one more time.
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (13 December 2006):
 not all men are like that, people change all the time unfortunately some change to worst so in this case he is just making some wrong choices, maybe one day he will realise the pain he is causing and go back to his usual self.
i think to you this a friendship test, they are both your friends and how are u going to face her knowing what u know, i gez u must realize that if she ever finds out and also find out that u knew before hand she will also regard u as untrustworthy. for u to spare her feelings i think u need to give her bf ur friend an ultimutum that u are giving him few days to come clean if he doesnt u will tell her, i think thats the only way u can save her from this pain although its not gonna be easy but she has to know as soon as possible. good luck
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