A
female
age
30-35,
*eoLin
writes:I am 22 and still did not find "real -passionate love". I had 4 boyfriends but noone of them could impress me so much. I know it might sound strange, then "why I was with them". Well, because I loved them but not with love. Not with THAT kind of love. Just - they ment more to me - not like other boys... Even now I'm in a relationship for more than 1,5 year. He loves me with LOVE... with that PASSIONATE love we know from movies. But I don't love him that way. I want to, I tried to, but I couldn't. This feeling is not coming. Whenever I'm with him I feel something is missing... I like him, but something is missing very badly... :(What to do?I am so stressed now. Might be the problem is in me? I do not have at all strange or too many expectations towards men...I am just very sad, cuz I think this love will never find me./But I know it is a real-thing cuz other boys could love me that way, and also my friends (girls) found that kind of love in life.../(might be it's not so important but all of my friends considere me a very attractive and beautiful girl) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2014): You may have an unrealistic concept of what love really is.
You used "movie" love as an example. That isn't real. It is created for entertainment, and to feed the imagination. It is nothing like real feelings between two people. Romance novels and magazines feed us a bunch of nonsense. Greeting cards and the media create sappy imaginary notions of human relationships; that we are fed from the time we can read to the grave. Don't base your feelings and expectations on that foolishness.
Over-time, you'll go through a series of trial relationships and short-term connections with men. This primes you and gets you prepared as something more serious comes along. You need practice. You need to understand your feelings, and you need to grow-up.
You just haven't met anyone you truly care for yet. You'll meet a lot of guys, who may keep you good company. You may find them attractive, or they keep you entertained.
You are realizing that no one has effected you emotionally so far. None of the men you've met have moved you passionately or romantically. If you're expecting to be swept off your feet like a fairy-princess; you're caught up in your fantasies.
There will never be valentines and starry-eyed love with music in the background. You will someday meet a guy that will leave you speechless. He will make you feel giddy and the feelings will scare and confuse you. You'll feel butterflies in the pit of your stomach, and his touch will give you goosebumps.
The best part comes, when you notice he feels the same way around you.
Then there will be times he pisses you off, you are confused by his actions and words. Yet, you learn to understand his quirks; and he grows on you. You'll get angry at him, but forgiving him will be effortless. That is a more realistic concept of how love goes. Not like in the movies. It's good and bad, sad and happy. All at the same time.
You're young and will meet more guys as time passes. You have to have a more mature approach to what you're looking for. You have to have expectations within the realm of reality.
For now, just enjoy the company you receive from nice guys, and appreciate them for whatever good qualities they do possess. The appropriate feelings will arise when the right fellow comes your way. You haven't met him yet.
Don't expect to fall instantly in-love with a guy. It just doesn't really happen like that. That's falling in-love with being in-love. The teenage-perception of what love is.
Sometimes you meet a person, and you may not like him that much to start; but as you grow to know him better, your feelings will start to grow. Your attraction gets stronger, and you both will want to spend more time together. This connection should be allowed to slowly take hold of you.
Making sure you stay on the same page. Eventually, you will want to be exclusive and you're ready to commit. If you rush it, it ends as quickly as it starts. Most of the time, people do get too eager. Never giving their connection a chance to grow naturally.
They force it, looking for bells and whistles and fireworks. Sometimes it's warm and soothing. It covers you like a blanket. It creeps up on you. It slowly overtakes you. It doesn't have to fall on you like a ton of bricks.
I think you need to give it time. Don't compare real-life to fairy-tales. You're an adult now. Hopefully you want to meet a man who is mature, sincere; and his feelings for you match how you feel about him.
You'll know it when it happens. You're just not the excitable-type, and the right guy just hasn't come along yet.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2014): The trick is realizing its just not quite right and you've done that! I'm old and have been in love 4 times in my life - 3 were passionate loves. One my first, my 1st husband and another.....well I knew the "other" was a cheater and although I know they never change, I let him love me and break my heart anyway. My husband was a charming narcissist but that relationship was just painful and sad. Passionate love is amazing and should be experienced at least one BUT it is not a lasting love and not always functional. My new husband is amazing but it's not a passionate love but it is a sustaining and that is satisfying, functional and above all loving!! Be careful, keep your eyes open and listen above all to your gut instincts.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (29 May 2014):
 You have to accept that perhaps you simply have not found the right man. Be patient.
Obviously love and passion are very important to you and you are not getting that in this relationship, but, one and a half years is a long enough to time to confidently assume that there is something there worth keeping. Perhaps you could invite passion into the relationship. Talk to your boyfriend about it with an open mind and understanding. Perhaps you can build the love you are looking for together with this man if you so desire.
I hope that helps
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