A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi I was married more than 26 years ago. The problem troubling me is that when I knew my wife then, she was going out with someone whom she will never and can't get married to. She didn't inform me of her status then, and we went out. Only after when we were together I found out that she has a boyfriend. She didn't break up with him, while with me, basically 2 timing us altogether. I waited for her for close to a year to break up, and it hurts me until now whenever I think of it.I feel numb and weak the moment the thought of the time she let me wait for her! I am a very ambitious man and I kept myself busy and strive to be financially independent, which I am now. My question here is 1) why does my wife be with a guy whom she will never get married to? Was it the sex is so good that she can't let go?2) Why take such a long time to break up and 2 timing us for close to a year?For the past 26 years, I have been sexually active with so many women, some even know my wife. It feels like I am being revengeful, but I feel good and in control.
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ambition, has a boyfriend, revenge, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (10 September 2019):
 P.S. You've been married to her for 26 years and still don't know why she kept you waiting but you expect a bunch of strangers who have never even met her to know? We are AGONY AUNTS, not PSYCHICS.
And don't try to turn this round as women having a go at men. I would give your wife the same answer if SHE had made the same excuses for screwing around as you have.
My GUESS why she did it (because all we can do is guess)? Because YOU allowed it. It was YOUR fault.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 September 2019):
You KNEW she had a boyfriend yet CHOSE to stay with her and wait for her to give him up, which she eventually did. You question what SHE did yet you CHOSE to stay with her and marry her. WHY did you not walk away if it hurt you so much as you allege?
Does SHE know YOU have cheated all through your marriage? Did your vows mean NOTHING to you? Did you not promise to be faithful to your wife?
Stop trying to blame her for your complete and utter lack of morals and for your choices in life. You were free to walk away. You CHOSE to stay with her and to subsequently marry her.
You have a very screwed up way of looking at life. Perhaps you should seek professional help? Or just keep doing what you are doing and eating yourself up inside. I feel so sorry for your poor wife. She deserves so much better than you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (10 September 2019):
 The only person who knows 100% way she acted the way that she did was HER. Ask her. Why can't you talk to her about it? If you were so unhappy with her then why did you marry her? Why didn't you sort this out a long time ago?
I still stand by my answer too. Two wrong do NOT make a right! You say she cheated..so you cheat too and you keep cheating. How is that right? If you are so unhappy then divorce her. Plain and simple. Why are you playing the martyr? She did wrong so now you do wrong.
And for the record..I don't support ANYONE who cheats..man or woman. Its wrong and it can cause so much damage to the one being cheated on. I refuse to give you sympathy though when you have been cheating for your wife for years and actually bragging about it. That's not love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have to thank all the 4 female readers who replied to my question.
Other than Tisha, the rest of them have not answer any of my questions.
All the agony aunt could say is point out my infidelity.
They never ever consider the tormenting whole year my wife put me through. All you could say is how I was unfaithful. Well was she unfaithful in the first place?
I am also surprised when it comes to men being unfaithful, all of you agony aunt could see is the wrong of the MEN out there. Please give unbiased answer thank you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 September 2019):
 To answer your questions, why did your wife continue a relationship she knew couldn’t last and continue to see him after she started seeing you, I think the best explanation is....
Her own personal struggles at the time. Perhaps she wanted to marry him and had to settle for you. Perhaps she was conflicted by having 2 wonderful men trying to win her heart. Perhaps she didn’t have any control or say in who she could or couldn’t marry.
Apparently the man she did ultimately marry didn’t care much about fidelity, but more about power and control.
I think it may be a life lesson you just don’t have the capacity or capability to learn.
It’s her story to tell. If you haven’t built a relationship of trust, honor and integrity with her as a partner, to the point that you still doubt her, and choose to cheat, well, I suspect you will never know.
What a sad marriage you’ve made for yourself.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (6 September 2019):
Let me get this straight..instead of talking to your wife and trying to work things out you come on here ask questions and then brag about cheating on your wife all the time?? Wow...sad. I've been on DC a very long time and it isn't too often that posters can shock or surprise me but your post did. Unbelieveable. I too feel really sorry for your wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2019): I'm struggling to understand - are you still married to her I gather? Basically you're cheating on your wife and have done for years with numerous women and are using an excuse from 26 years ago to justify ti? I feel for your wife I really do!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 September 2019):
Just when you think you have met every sort of person out there, along comes a guy whose excuse for cheating for over a quarter of a century is that his wife made him wait for her for a year when they were dating. Are you saying that, because your wife was dating someone she could not marry but still chose him over you, you feel like her "Plan B"? If so, why did you marry her? If you are so ambitious, why did you not walk away and say "I deserve to be someone's Plan A"? Was it because it gave you an "excuse" to cheat all your married life? That's a bit sick, don't you think?
Does your wife know your whole married life has been a lie? Or are you so "in control" that you have managed to keep all this from her? I find it hard to believe that, after all these years of cheating, she has never had an inkling of what is going on.
***Goes off, shaking head in disbelief***
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