A
female
age
41-50,
*J Hayfather
writes:My husband wants me to dress up as a horse ?!We have been married nearly 20 years and had a “normal” sex life with regular loving sex. The most adventurous we do is phone sex and I do enjoy it. I ride horses and wear jodhpurs all the time - he jokes about me being sexy and I just laugh it off ... but recently he has been asking me to make animal noises during intercourse?! Specifically “horsy” sounds. I don’t know how to bring this up without making a joke of it. I have found links to videos of horses having Baez on his device and he has asked me more recently to wear a harness?! I’m afraid I’m loosing him and if I don’t satisfy my needs he’ll experiment with others .. I’m loosing grip ?!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2019): We all do weird stuff during sex after years of the same. As long as he doesn't make believe you are actually a horse. Playacting can be fun, but if you're really freaked out by the harness -- don't go there.
PS we do much worse. But I usually get the brunt of it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 September 2019):
 Well, Ye haww!
Is this something you WANT to try? Or not?
Because there are plenty of "things" sexually that you can try with a loving partner, enjoy with a loving partner that doesn't make you go WTF?!
Maybe it's something you two can explore (IF you are BOTH interested) but I'd say baby steps. Don't put the horse before the cart (pun intended) - start with something a bit more 'tame"?
TALK about it, think about and then go from there - there should be a MUTUAL interest and curiosity. If there isn't, maybe this isn't the direction you two should go, sexually.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 September 2019):
 Sometimes we interpret the words "normal" and "regular" as proper, correct, or right. To contrast it we could define those words as plain, boring, or vanilla. The way we use the words reflects our feelings about them, but it can also shape our feelings about them.
To demonstrate more fully lets add some opposing words to my list:
Proper -- Improper
Correct -- incorrect
Right -- Wrong
Plain -- Fancy
Boring -- Exciting
Vanilla -- Chocolate
You can see where I'm going. When you make a choice about what activities to involve in your life (not just your sex life) Think about what you are inviting with it. What textures and flavors you could enjoy as part of your life.
Coming back to your post. You used one other word to describe your 20 year sex life. You used the word "loving". Loving is wonderful. It is trust building, it is comforting, it is happy and healthy. So when I start to pick at this a bit I want you to believe that I see nothing wrong with loving or loving sex. What I am worried about is that you are choosing the wrong opposite word for loving, and applying that word to anything that isn't normal or regular.
I think that your opposite to loving is Abusive. And you don't want that. I don't want you to experience that. Everyone should strive to avoid abuse. But I don't think your loving husband of 20 years is seeing abusive as the opposite of loving. I think the word he is looking for is "Passionate".
My question to you is can you see it his way? My advice to you is to be as passionate as you can. Play the game as if you were 20 years younger. Dress up, play along,
make the sounds. Be wild and untamed, then be tamed.
And most of all, laugh passionately when it goes wrong. Because something always goes wrong.
Sex is the game that adults get to play. It should be fun, funny , and loving.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 September 2019):
 You gotta love this site! Once in awhile, among the "my husband likes porn more than me" and "my sister is having an affair with whoever", we get a few unique ones.
I *will* answer this one seriously, because I believe you, but I must admit to you that my "laugh" reflex had to be "reined in" a bit on this one!! (OMG...I never make puns!)
Truthfully though, if I hadn't listened to the song "Pony" by Ginuwine, and my mom herself wasn't such a horse obsessionist, I'd think this wasn't real, but this is actually far common than you might think! This "fetish" has everything to do with taming and controlling a powerful beast. In this case, you're the horse he wants to "ride".
There's a little bit of bondage play that comes into this too, with riding crops, mock spurs, harnesses, and leather. The fact that you, like my mother, probably smell like leather and horse and saddle oil and hay a lot, just feed right into his fantasy.
It's completely harmless UNLESS he starts pressuring you to do something you don't feel comfortable with, like flogging you with a crop or wearing and pulling on a bit during sex. You could have a lot of fun role playing if that's your thing, but bottom line, you should NEVER do anything you're uncomfortable with.
But it's a very mild B & D fetish on the harmless side when there's "horseplay" involved. Also as long as he's not incorporating bestiality and having sex with ACTUAL horses, there's no harm done.
Maybe you could talk at length and ask him what about this turns him on in detail, and then explain your feelings on it. In my opinion, and I practice this in my marriage, as long as it doesn't harm my body or humiliate me in public, I'm always up for trying anything once. Who knows what you might like??
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