A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi everyone.It's got to the point where I feel stupid to keep troubling you with my problems, whenever they are so small. Nevertheless, they continue to trouble me.I don't know if it's all part of being dumped by your first love or whatever, but I still don't know what to think or feel: I want to be with somebody, but yet nobody else but her, and I know that I just can't have that. I miss the comfort of having somebody. Even if it's somebody to just sit and cuddle while watching junk on TV. I'll breifly say, that "withdrawel" is driving me crazy as well. Having summer without anything physical, not even a kiss is REALLY dragging me down.I'm so sick and tired of feeling for her the way I am, and the way I have been over the past two years, because in the long run, it isn't/hasn't got me anywhere. In knowing this, I almost fear starting again with somebody. I was so comforted in knowing, or atleast; thought I knew all there was to know about somebody. Now I have to do that all over again.I'm not sure if this is all linked to just having "one of those days" but I feel in need of your comfort (advice). This has probably been brought on by that; yesterday was her 18th birthday, and I wasn't allowed to be with her for it. Adding to that, tonight she is having a party, that I should have been at (and technically, if I had been there, it would have been held yesterday, because I would have had to use today to travel home).Again adding to that, I sent her a birthday card 2 days ago, and have heard nothing from her. No thank-you's. Nothing. Fair enough, I don't think we are on speaking terms just now, after telling her I was finding it too hard to talk to her as "just a friend", but even when that happened I said she'd get a card. Surely she could atleast acknowledge it? Could she just be disappointed it was ONLY a card? I have been very generous to her over the years, but I can't see why that should stay the same now she doesn't want to be with me. Either way, it's just another thing to add to a tower of disappointment that has been built for me, and it's been under construction since the beginning of summer.I want to be with her, but can't. I want to start again, but I don't. I keep being given/giving myself disappointment. Is this just "one of those days"? Do I just need more time?Please, offer your thoughts. Thank-you everybody. Summer is nearly over, and you guys have helped carry me through it. It has been the worst of my life, so far, and I appreciate you getting me through it. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (14 September 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question That was a good post anon, but I wonder if you could continue with it:
How can I show her what she's missing? I had hoped that she would figure out that she's missing out somewhere down the road. After all, I went to any stretch to make her happy. As little as telling her that I loved her, to as big as taking her on Holiday... That said, I'm sure there are lots of guys who will do the same thing...
Anyway. Currently we are not speaking, and I don't know when/if I should try to start conversation with her again. I've let her get on with things. I don't want to hear anything about what she is doing just now, and I'm not sure I'll ever want to. I know eventually she'll have another boyfriend, but right now there is no way for me to know for certain if she does or doesn't, and at this point, I'd rather keep it that way.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): we have all been there and done silly things one of my ex's turned all my freinds against me anyway with her it was different i never have lost feeling and even now when i see her we dont speak it kills people have interfeered and more time has gone on more i cant look at anyone else without missing her, everyone says give it time you'll get over it to be honest i think you should show her what she is missing take every oppertunity to show her youve got on with your life when she see's she will start thinking about you and buy this time others will want to know you what im saying is you dont lose feeling you learn to live with them which is very painful.
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A
male
reader, pavel38 +, writes (4 September 2007):
Hope you've managed to resist her my-space page, ultimately you should resist it, otherwise basically you're keeping tabs on her and that won't help you move on. I haven't used Facebook in over a month having gone through a tricky situation with someone because I know I'd virtually be checking up on her. But it's not easy, I know it's easy to say but give it time, some people get over things quicker than others.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (1 September 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNah, it's never a disappointment to see you give an answer, oblivia.Anyway, I felt a little better a while after I sent this. I was sat eating Pizza and drinking Cider with my family, watching Die Hard 3. I started to feel a little better after that. In fact, it sort of blurred out in my head for a little while.Waking up today, I feel a bit glum again, and I'm not sure why. Today has no significance to me and her. Perhapps I'm just barking up the wrong tree. I know for a fact in the early stages of a break up, days can be bad without there being any significance to them, but that also makes me think; maybe I'm slipping back to how I was. I really don't want to do that.My parents tell me that I should be over, or atleast nearly over all this by now, and while I think that is rubbish, I DO want to keep moving forward and not fall backwards. Why is she on my mind like she is everyday?? Even now I want to check her myspace just to see what's new, but I know I shouldn't, because that will only lead to;A) Finding out nothing has changed with her and I'll just wonder when the next time I look will be and if it'll be any different when I do.B) Find something on there that'll make me immediately say "I wish I was there" or "I should have been there", i.e. Photos from last nights party.or C) Find out that she has already found somebody else before me, causing heartache.So, as much as it's tempting, I know I won't look at the page.I don't like how my perception on everything changes every day. Sometimes every hour. GOD I HATE BREAK-UPS!!
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (31 August 2007):
 Hi Andy,
It's me popping up again in all your posts :)
I think she did find it nice to get a card from you even though she hasn't replied yet. She might thank you later or she might not, but it was still a good thing of you to do. And it is definitely not that she would be disappointed for only a card!
I know too well about that feeling of having to go through getting to know a new person. But you know what, when you meet this next person you will totally have forgotten that feeling and getting to know her will be your main interest in life.
Good luck to you!
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A
male
reader, pavel38 +, writes (31 August 2007):
Not a nice situation to be in. However, you need, no matter how hard it may be, to draw a line under the situation, accept what you had has gone, and move on. You are building up the tower of disappointment and punishing yourself over it, I know because I'm in a very similar situation with someone I work with.She probably hasn't acknowledged your birthday card because she doesn't know what to say or how to respond. Perhaps she feels both of you need distance and space, which won't happen if she replies to your card. Don't feel that she doesn't appreciate the gesture though.I know it's not easy but you need to leave things alone and give it some time. Immerse yourself in a hobby or interest, try to make sure you're regularly out with friends etc, keep yourself busy so you don't find yourself thinking about her all the time. I promise you it will gradually get easier, you might meet someone else, and even if you don't she won't have the same hold on you she does now. I hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, baybee-x-sparkii +, writes (31 August 2007):
 okay i can really see it from your side here, uve had it rough this summer understandable, but think about it this way, there are other girls/relationships and there are other summers i dont think tht its just one of those days... it seems like uve been emotional for a while...maybe time is the answer, i dont no what the relationship was like, but maybe moving on is also the answer, if you no deep down its not going to work, maybe now is the time to move on.what your feeling now is obviously loneliness and although u say u want her back, if she wont thank you for a card...it makes me think is what ur doing worth it...i dont know much about relationships but there we go...good luckbaybee-x-sparkii
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