A
male
age
41-50,
*js
writes:My girlfriend doesn't seem to get very turned on with oral sex. Am I just doing it wrong or is it just her?I've known her for a while, and I've spent a lot of time giving her oral sex. I usually go in deep and long (about an hour) but I've never really heard her moan or have her legs tighten or had her orgasm. When I ask her what to do she says what I'm doing is fine and not to stop. She says she enjoys it a lot. But I cant help feeling disappointed. I really would like for her to orgasm through oral sex.I know she isn't frigid, and I know she enjoys it as she tells me. I am not entirely sure of my technique but I've read everything i can on the subject and applied it all... with no results!Is there anything else I can do?
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frigid, oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): Being a male, I was 25 years old before I ever went down on a woman. I had these pre-conceived notions it was nasty, smelled bad, gross, etc. Was I ever wrong. If a woman is clean and has no infections, yeast, etc., it can be very enjoyable. I have been with quite a few women in my time and only met two who didn't want to receive oral but both happily gave it. They wouldn't explain why and I didn't press it. However, in my own experience, the vast majority of women love oral and never need to be asked twice. Most women can achieve orgasm quite nicely by tongue stimulation to the clitoral area. Some women have a difficult time achieving orgasm. All too many guys don't undersand that. Oral stimulation will usually do it when intercourse alone won't. You bring them up to the edge with oral, then finish with vaginal intercourse. On the other side of the coin, some women are not at all fond of giving head. If she DOES give you head and asks you not cum in her mouth, DON'T! I don't feel cheated if I have done oral on her and she won't return the favor. I never insist on reciprocation. By her allowing me to lick her pink, is reward enough for me. The secret is being flexible whereby both derive the maximum pleasure. Everyone is different and that is what makes sex so enjoyable and exciting.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): dear jjs,
first, I don't understand the WOMEN who say they hate it. I never met any women who HATED it, no offense.
Some are really sensitive, so they can only take a few minutes. Other have had abuse issues, either childhood or dating, and are uncomfortable-- some don't know their uncomfortable.
So, first thing, tough everything else first. Oral sex is still sex and should be without foreplay unless it's liked that way. Some people, men & women, lose sensantion after a while. Some people love the almost coming, but too much up and downs and either the mind or body doesn't believe it will happen and shuts off.
Second, say how much you like it and how great it tastes. Guys love compliments on size, well, women are inidated with prodducts, culture, and jokes about our smell. Once we know you like, we like it.
Third, once you get the right spot and the right method, don't stop or change ANYTHING. some of you boys get ethused and change speed, motion, etc-- we said, "we're gonna come," that's your clue. we're not like men who can answer the phone and re-start. we have to be in the right mental state. It sound cheesy, but it the price for being able to orgasm one minute later, 20 more times; while you're limited to a 15 minutes break and max out at 3.
Last, you're gonna have to communicate outside the bedroom. It's too intimate and no ones to be the open when both parties are naked.
Ask her to be in control. If she's unconfortable with that, or like YOU to be in control, use your control to FORCE her to speak. She has to tell you what she wants to get anything.
the spelling thing works, every guy learns it from Sam Kenisin, annoying LOUD comedic who was big in the 80s-- he's the teacher who scream in the Dangerfield college comedy, "Back to school"
Don't let people blame her and don't let people blame you. You both need to talk without judgement.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): I personally don't like to receive oral sex. It does nothing for me, I can't get off with it, and would rather just have regular sex. I have been with several guys, all with different techniques, some who have been complemented by lots of women on their skill, and basically I feel nothing. It's more annoying than anything. If your girlfriend is anything like me, it's probably nothing you are doing wrong. Instead of focusing on oral sex, find out if there are other things she would prefer (i.e. manual stimulation) and do those.
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A
female
reader, 911help  +, writes (1 September 2007):
 I agree with spanna!I could take it or leave it. It feels good, but I never got off with oral sex and yes I can get myself off. I agree with concentrating on clitoral stimulation, but I also perfer penetration at the same time.One hour, that is a long time. You will be exhausted. If I was giving a blow job, my jaws would be hurting so bad that I would be enjoying doing it and I love to give blow jobs.Maybe she it just not comfortable about it which would make it hard for her to enjoy it. You have to have good sexual communication for a good sexual relationship! Ask her if she likes it and what would make it feel better for her. Every woman is different and like different things.I am also glad to see that you are concerned about her needs. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 September 2007):
 Good advice from everyone. I'm just putting in my two cents... I'm not really a big fan of oral sex. It just doesn't do anything for me. Doesn't matter if the guy is a champ or anything - I'm just not feeling it.
It might be that your girlfriend just doesn't really enjoy oral sex AT ALL. Maybe she's shy about her nether-regions and just tenses up when you're down there. Maybe you're not doing it the way she likes it. But, it might just be that she isn't really into oral sex and you shouldn't blame yourself.
Best thing is to talk to her... if you're comfortable enough being naked together, talking about sex should be a breeze!
Oh yes, and an HOUR of oral sex? My my, that's a long time! I guess since I don't really like it, that just seems excessive!
But, you're a good boyfriend! Very diligent, obviously attentive and considerate. She's lucky to have such a sweetie!!
Good luck, sweetness!
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): its probably you. no offence. she probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings. talk to her and get her to tell you what to do, or if she's too embarrassed look up tips on the internet
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): ok hun, you need to talk aboout it. she may be feeling like she needs to say 'yes thats fine' not to hurt your feelings. I'm not trying to say that your techneique is bad. This is something my boyfriend uses on me and it makes me ogasm everytime. he stimulates the clitorus with his tounge and as he does he spells out the alphabet. Weird i know but he was givin this tip from a mate so we tried it just for laughs and i really enjoyed it. Hope i've helped have fun! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): Great advice from Basschick - and very true. The majority of women don't like you putting your tongue in their vaginas like you are performing intercourse. It's all about the clitoris. Don't even worry about going in and out at all. Concentrate on flicking your tongue from behind your upper teeth and your lower lip (practise it now) and then you do the same thing when you are going down on your girlfriend, so that you are flicking her clitoris. Put the back of your hand in front of your mouth while you practise it, then you will feel the pressure on her clitoris that she will feel. Giving oral sex whilst reaching up and gently stimulating her breasts (very gently) also works a treat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): i reckon an hour giving head it maybe a bit too long.
try doing it for a lot shorter time, in a place with a time limit kinda thing...like when shes got people coming round in 15 minutes or something. giving it a time limit may help to add excitement?
another hint is to use your fingers as well. use your tongue all over, and then move up towards her clit(oris) and lick it with short strokes. when she's really nice and wet, insert a finger or two and then combine the head and the fingering. should work a treat, i know it gets me gasping everytime. good luck!
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (31 August 2007):
 Has she ever had an orgasm? Can she give herself one and does she ever? If the answer to those questions are 'yes', then you could be doing it all wrong. Of course I'm not there, so it's hard to say. But I was with a guy once who thought it was all about darting his tongue in and out of my vagina. Not! I don't think he had a clue where my clitoris was, much less what to do with it. So let's assume you do know where it is and that it is one of the magic buttons that will bring a woman to climax. Of the best oral sex I've had (and trust me, not that much, but it's quality, not quanity, right?) there are two basic techniques that send me over the edge. (You're sitting on the edge of your seat right about now, aren't you?)....The first is to take both hands and gently pull the outer area back, parting it, so to speak, then with what's protruding, flick your tongue quickly and firmly, alternating between short quick strokes, and long smooth ones, then switch to actually sucking it. Sounds pornographic in print, but it's a killer. Then alternate with hard pressure against the clit. You can use your fingers in a rubbing motion, you can smack it lightly but firmly and then alternate with your tongue. Holy cow, if executed properly should get her writhing. I hope this helps you out.
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