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I'm still letting this girl get to me... help!

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 June 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 16 June 2009)
A female Canada age 36-40, *zrlinz writes:

I'm feeling so sad and confused that I'm starting to make myself sick. Me and my boyfriend had a pretty big fight yesterday, but it eventually just turned into us having a conversation about our relationship and everything. It was good, we both got a lot out and were able to talk honestly about how we felt. So we were ok after that. But then, we had a bunch of people over after our soccer game, and some girl who he met at work and was texting occasionally came.

Now, I am a nice person, and always like to give off a good impression. I was very polite to this girl, offering her a chair and a drink. Then, my boyfriend had to step out for a moment on an errand, and then she starts talking about how she knows him and how "oh when I first met him he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend... and we hung out before and I always wondered where's your woman, do I get to meet her... and then when she was getting up to leave, (my bf still had not returned) she was like, Ohhh tell Patrick to text me later." I was absolutely appalled. What kind of girl speaks to a GIRLFRIEND this way?! I was so upset. And my other friends who were there were like WTF was her problem, how dare she say that stuff to you.

I talked about it to my bf when he got home, and just said everything she said, and he gave a look that he wasn't too impressed either. He also kinda made fun of her later on in the night. When we went to bed, (we live together), I asked him whether he would hang out with her any more. He replied, probably not, she is weird and we hardly hang out anyways. Is this enough for me get over the situation? I know that he wants to be with me, he had a real chance to break up with me yesterday, but he didn't. He said he honestly loved me, or he wouldn't be here right now. I believe him. But I'm still letting this girl get to me! I'm still prety upset. I almost had an anxiety attack this morning. I dunno. Like what do I do if this girl is still texting him? Do I tell him not to talk to her? I do not like this girl at all, and I told my boyfriend that. I told him I do not want her in this house again, and he seemed to comply. I don't think he would deliberately disobey me, and intentionally hurt me, but my boyfriend is a very friendly guy, and he enjoys being around different people. I understand that he wants to be around other people sometimes, because we live together and he sees me all the time... its just that I don't feel that I have a right to say who he can or cannot talk to. If I tell him he cant talk to her, he may have to sneak around to do it if she happens to text him. I don't know. Help?

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A female reader, athenas United States +, writes (16 June 2009):

Ok wtf is wrong with that girl and your man i mean i dont wana be rude or anything but it aint right for your bf to be going out with other girls like that yeah he wants to have friends there are alot of guy friends out there he dont need to be around girls unless he has girl friends that he has known for a long time but just trying to meet girls aint a good option i mean think about your bf didnt even tell her at the begining that he had a gf (you) if making only friends is what hes trying to do wouldnt he tell them since the begining that he has someone? Idk yours to think. But if it bothers you him talking to her (obviously) let him know you know what i dont like you texting her and going out with her if he starts tripping out on you dont scream at all dont fall for that game just be like lets talk this over and ask him would you like me going out with guys not tellint them that im with you? tell him its making you feel bad and since your not yelling at him and going all crazy guilt will get to him and hell think about what you said. Good luck.

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