A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke-up with my x for cheating on me. The girl he cheated with was a 'one' time thing. We were still dating for 8 months after that ended. I just couldn't deal with the emotions and needed to break-up.This happened 1yr ago.. We wanted to have a break first..then get back together cause this was a 10yr relationship that started when I was 20, him 28yrs old. We were getting married..and I'd been putn it off.I made referance to the wedding to show how he may have felt insecure.He said from the start of me buying my home that if he had to buy me out that that was it... he didn't want to get back together..so I took a lot less. (for the down payment) this is an example of his fear that it we started splitting up our assets it was a sign that I was finished with him. His suggestion was that I stay with a friend until we work it out.. I bought a place and moved out'a the house we had together with the understanding that We'd sell it if we decided to get back together..I thought that cause I was the one to make the rules in our relationship, it was best to go with his rules in the break-up...so when he told me that he wanted to b left alone.. I called once per month.He said that he never wanted to know that I was dating anyone...So I never said anything...He called in January and said that he wanted to tell me that "he's decided to move in with his new g/f." that he loves her now more than me.. that he wanted me to be the first to know.. He was CRYING the whole time..also saying that the new g/f was scared that he'd want to get back w/me..and this was a good way to show her that he was moving fwd with her...He couldn't keep talking with me and drop'n off my mail cause he was mean to her after seeing/talking.. w/me. Also, he didn't know how my relationship/s were going cause I never talk about it.''I was Crying too!!I'd began to move on after Jan. even though I knew he wanted to see me. Believe-it-or-not... I love my sanity more! We didn't talk for 4.5 months..( my choice..he txt'd I didn't reply)He txt'd me that he needed help looking after the dog we'd had as a couple. I called...He explained that his g/f hates the dog. I said'ok'...''BUT...I'm still in*love with you and this isn't like when you were dropping off my mail..I'm now informed that my feelings were ill placed and there is, in fact, no need for me to put myself through the emotional hurt of seeing you... Don't forget that I was waiting for you to get whattever it was out'a your system.. The next thing I know is your inlove... Just give me the dog and that's it..''He didn't agree to that , but instead every 8days and doing the pick-up/drop-off while I'm not home..The problem is that he finds a way to not b able to do the pick-up/drop-off without me,.. so we end-up talking, laughing, and me missing him.He says that he, in fact, didn't move in with his g/f. That he goes there often..bt would rather be at home half of the time. The fact that our dog isn't allowed there is a 'deal breaker' for him! He say's things like this to me... giving me hope? but why? he just wants to see me suffer?I feel that I need to mention that he felt I was not interested in him over the one year split. I always acted like I was 'okFyi... I'm comfortable when it comes to $. I'm very tall, thin, healthy, beautiful. no pblms there. I couldn't lie and say that i was single when he asked...he'd never go for it.. When asked I said yes. He was upset and was going to give me a very long ''talking to'' until I just looked at him...lol. All that came out'a his mouth was ""well, my name you shouldn't be just seeing anyone""What I wanted to scream was that ''''I only love you"""He is gone now for 3wks (work). He txt's but he keeps the wording around our dog. I txt pics.What game is this man playing?A few requests...answers are not to reflect the need to give support rather than answer the suggestive requests/questions. I was always the Dominate one in the relationship..I'm not a victim. My goal in the break-up with him WAS in-fact for him to date....then realize that he had a good thing. And if he never came back...lick my wounds!I know what he said to me in Jan. was to hurt me. It's expected...he's hurt!. This is my first time asking about something like this in this format. Normal conversation remains my best form of get'n others to understand what it is I'm trying to converce. So with that said.... No prep talk on the moral of taking back a cheater. No answers about get'n rid of my dog..Q's; are men as caluclated as women are? Is my x using my dog to see me?I've never been this much inlove b4. But I'll never b in a relationship where I feel that I've got'a keep tabs on someone. Please..if you reply..do so with the knowledge that it takes 2ppl to mess things up..everyone plays their part.. The conditions for a reconciliation have already been set. If we do get back together, he knows what it'll take from his end...same as me. Thank you very much for your help..(:
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Hello. Yes men can be as calculating as women. And yes it sounds as if hes using the dog as a means of seeing you or atleast keeping in contact with you.
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