A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what kind of girl I am anymore. its like every guy I meet wants to sleep with me, and I dnt know how to say No. I feel like such a hoe because I'm 19 with 8 sex partners and only been sexually active for 3 years. I want to stop having sex with everybody I meet, and I want to settle down and have a bf that I'm faithfully with. I just haven't found him yet and I dnt know what to do with my spare time. I want to start over, I wish I could be a virgin again when it was so much easier but since I can't, does anybody have ideas on how I can change my ways? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThnXx Romany...that sounds like a good idea. Ur rite, I know I lost tha love for myself, so I just wanna try to find that again. Hopefully in time I will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah @Chigirl your right. I know I can't become a virgin again but like you said, I can still wait until marriage. That was my plan but I guess I got caught up. Thnk you soo much. You made me feel so much better. 3
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reader, romany  +, writes (26 June 2010):
 Your follow up makes a bit more sense now of why your doing it.
How did you feel when you fell pregnant, and the guy said abort, we'll be happy, so you did, and you weren't? Maybe the guilt of the abortion is playing on your mind, and that is what has set you on this downward spiral.
I think you've lost your self respect, subconciously your focusing on the fact that these guys left you, feeling heartbroken, and for the little bit of loving these new guys give you, make you feel wanted, loved, sexy and all those other things we lose when we are dumped.
The only way your going to stop filling your need for this love, need etc, is to love yourself again, and that is going to come in the form of some self help.
Go see your Dr, tell him/her how things are, and can they recommend what is available to help you, and while your there, get a full exam, and make sure that those one nighters aint left you with more than damaged self esteem (STD's) Then with a clean slate, start again.
Goodluck hun, x
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 June 2010):
 Demand an official relationship before you have sex. Or you could do what I did for a while to shoo off guys I wasn't interested in: tell a little white lie and say you are waiting for marriage with sex. Which could be totally true, you don't have to be a virgin to value sex and wanting to wait. You had sex, and found out it is not all you want, you want a proper relationship. And imagine if you were a virgin, would you like to wait? If you would have liked to wait until marriage, just do so. So what you had sex with 8 guys. You can still decide that from now on, you will wait until marriage.
Tell a man that and the ones who only want sex will shoo off within seconds.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThnXx Guys, ya really helped. Yeah, I do agree that its about self esteem & self respect. I mean I know what I want in a bf, & I promised myself after my ex, I wouldn't lower my standards for anybody but now its like I'm contradicting myself. But I know I'm a smart girl, I'm pretty, fun, caring, and I have a lot of love to give. Of all the 8 ppl, I had a relationship with the 1st one for a few months, the 2nd guy, I had been talkin to for a few months and then had sex with him, he also got me pregnant, told me 2 abort it so we can be together happily, which was a lie. So maybe being heartbroken the first two times turned me into a girl I dnt want to be. & I know its never too late to turn it around, I just dnt know how. Praying helps 4 a little while until I'm back to reality.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): Back in my day(the 60's) the fear of ppregnancy was more than enough to keep the girls legs crossed. Now that pregnancy seems to 'no big deal" and even a badge of some sort the only thing left to keep girls from becoming like you is the threat of STDs...That ought to put the fear of God into anyone...there are some real nasty things out there not the least of which is AIDs. So If I were in your shoes I'd look ar every naked guy as the one that'll kill you with a nasty disease. If that doesn't work I don't lnow what will. Good Luck R
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reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 June 2010):
 It's not the sex that screwing things up but out of the 8 men you didn't even have one decent relationship with? You don't have to start a conversation with a man with "do you want a relationship or you just want sex?" but through common small talks, little gestures, you can tell if the guy cares about you or not. It may take longer for you to get a boyfriend, but the wait is much better than using sex to get into a relationship. Learning how to say no is about valuing your time and energy. You don't want to drastically change your ways, otherwise you end up with a guy who can just be a friend and nothing else. Keep being sexy but not too sexy. Not knowing what to do with your spare time says a lot about you. When a guy asks you who are you? You want to tell him about your interests, your dreams for the future, you wishes and fears. If you don't have a summer job already. I would suggest you learn to cook different types of cuisine. Good food is something that attracts a man's attention.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (26 June 2010):
Say no. Don't get drunk. When you get drunk you will find it harder to remember what you truly want. So if going out, stop after one drink. And remember what you want! You want to find a boyfriend. A good decent boyfriend-material will not want to sleep with you right after he met you, he will want to get to know you first! That is why, if you want to find a boyfriend, you must say no to a guy who just wants sex. Put up some standards.
You just have to learn how to say no. Try it next time. A guy asks you to go home with him, say no. A guy asks to drive you home and come in, say no. A guy wants to go a private room with you where you can be alone, say no. A guy asking to see you naked, say no. Anything that will lead to sex, say no.
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reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (26 June 2010):
 Its about respect. About your respect for yourself. How do you see you as a person? Are you just something to be used, something that a guy can take advantage of?
It is also about self restraint. No one is forcing you to have sex with them. If you dont want to do it, then dont. It really is very simple. You dont have to act on it. YOU are the one who controls the situation.
Don't put yourself in situations where you could be tempted to have one night stands. Maybe consider the vibes you are putting out - do you act like you want sex all the time?
Why do you want to have sex with every guy you meet? Is it just boredom? Get a hobby, a part time job, go out with friends.
You are the only one who can change. We cannot make you do something if deep down you do not want to change. Personally I think you should have more respect for youself. I wouldnt want people to think I was a slut, who slept with every man I met. I would be disapointed in myself.
You are the only one who can change the way you live your life. It starts by learning how to say NO.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): You say NO.
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reader, thekiddie. +, writes (26 June 2010):
everytime you feel like saying yes, think of a really fat man - or anything that turns you off.
i mean, your basically risking it now.
You could catch a STD and thats your life wasted, or even get pregnant. you are still young, and keep going.
just keep your dream guy in thought and get yourself out there, making sure you dont end up in bed.
Be happy and forfill your life!
hope ii helped x
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