A
female
age
30-35,
*beornot2be
writes:okay here goes, i just need some advice thats not so biased...and from people who don't know my soon-to-be or me for that matter..ok so this goes way back to 2008 i just found out my boyfriend had cheated on me. we were in what i would think was a serious relationship.( living together, adopted our first puppy together :] ) but yes he did cheat on me ( and it wasn`t the one night stand kinda cheating it was the cheating that was going on for awhile like what i found out was they were doing it for 6-7months behind my back) i was crushed and didn't know how to cope.and to make things worse.. i found out i was pregnant... and i was contemplating on keepin it or not so i didn`t tell him..but after the cheating and after i busted his sorry ass...he pretty much stalked me for months after that ..( sent me roses to my work place, slept outside of my house, called everyday of every hour, every minute.) he NEVER stopped apologizing and honestly what i felt was really sincere and i knew he wasn`t commin back becuase he knew i was pregnant but he was commin back on his own... so i eventually took him back and gave him another chance and here we are 2 years later engaged and we have a beautiful daughter together.. although i feel he was really sincere with his apology and felt truly remorseful for it, but i still feel sick about it to this day.. i took him back REALLY trying to forgive him. i really did try. i really AM trying.. i really feel like i love him and i really thought i would have moved on by now. i know i when he proposed i should've thought about it first but you have to understand i really do love him. but hes not the problem. its me... after he cheated.. i have no confidence. i feel ugly and unwanted and undesireable. i cant stand to look at myself in the mirror and i just don't like me at all..i've really lost myself since his infedelity. i walk around feeling lost and everyday i look at him i find myself asking the same questions over and over agian in my head.. " will i ever be enough for him? .. am i beautiful enough?..." soo i guess what im trying to ask advice for is.. should i keep trying to work it out with him even though im STILL hurting from it.. even when it was 2 years ago? or what should i do?
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cheated on me, confidence, crush, engaged, one night stand, stalking Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): I hear you and I identify with you. I was betrayed by my Girlfriend in January and I still wake up in the morning crying, as recently as yesterday. We are back together and similar to you she has apologized over and over again but in my case I was still finding out details all along the way that she did nto tell me initially.
You are so true when you say that you lose confidence and feel unwanted and undesirable. Women at my job would complement me and I don;t believe them because I feel worthless. I would say to you, don;t get too hung up on the timeframe because its all about when you heal. 2 years is not a lot of time if you still have confidence and trust issues. Its up to him to earn your trust not for you to trust him because its been 2 years.
I too ask myself the same questions, Am I enough for her? will she do it again? am I pathetic for holding on? I have not found the answers but if you do please let me know because bottom line is the person that cheated has no idea how it affects the person who was cheated on
A
female
reader, 2beornot2be +, writes (9 November 2010):
2beornot2be is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for taking the time to read my problem & comming up with real good and thoughtful advice thank you!..
i know two years is a long time and if i could stop feeling this way i really would, & yes i have tried to talk to him about it... but if i bring it up he gets super mad, lashes out & tells me "to move on already" & it usually results in him leaving for the evening.. so alot of my questions are still left unanswered, and we havent been really intimate since the infedelity..
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 What do you want to do? Do you feel as though you should leave him or do you wish to stay with him?
He cheated on you, yes, but you said that you honestly felt that it was sincere so you took him back and now you are married with a lovely daughter.
You feel as though you are ugly and utterly worthless but why? You are clearly neither of the two if he spent so much time trying to win you back, trying to be as close as he could to you every minute of every day. If he truly was sincere, I doubt he would wish to go through all that trouble again and I doubt he would have done all of that for someone he thought was ugly and worthless. Take to heart that you do mean something to him and you are beautiful to him.
Why has he not made you feel beautiful? Do you not feel beautiful whenever he holds you or looks at you?
I do not have a definite answer and I am sorry if I have not been of any help so far but, I suggest that if you still do not trust him then leave him. These are the consequences he must face for being unfaithful.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): If your sure he came back for you, and not because of the baby, then that speaks volumes about where his heart was/is.
If he is good to you, loves you, and is still romantically interested in you, that answers your questions of "am I good enough."
As far as forgiving and moving forward.. Two years is a long time.. In my opinion.. You need to forgive and move forward. Otherwise you will never be happy and just internalize your feelings. Witch i never good or healthy.
Talk to him about it.. Even if your scared to start a fight or argument.. Your happiness is worth fighting for. Ask him why he cheated on you.. Try to understand why he did it.. Was he stupid, thinking with his "manhood", and didn't know what he had (You) at the time.. If you never talk about it or bring it up to him, how is he supposed to know there is a problem in the first place?.. Communication is key.
Bring it up, but make sure you don't approach the subject in a confrontational manner. Just be neutral, tell him how you feel.. And be clear that you haven't forgotten what he did to have a second chance with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): I know exactly how u must b feeling, i have been there. Dont't blame yourself, he would not have come back to you if he did not love you, u are still together after two years so that says something. All i can say is that time heals, it takes a long time but eventually u learn to trust again. Hope u are able to deal with it. Just remember that u are not in the wrong here so don't go blaming yourself, Go out and do things that make u look and feel good. Good luck
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