A
female
age
36-40,
*tarita
writes:hi evry body i really feel i am so depressed i keep crying i am married women i love my husband like crazy and he too but the problem is i am still a virgin after 8 moths of narried he scared to hurt me and once he try its just not stand any more i know he is stressful but he dont want to try any more and he always seems tired and i think he have no sex drive he never touch my private places since we tried 7 months ago. he treat me very well and i keep support him and telling him good things but i feel i am unloved and fat and not sexy enought to make a man want me. he is not a virgin. he been with girl friends befor i just want to enjoy married life and be able to be a mom one day with the man i love that all?
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depressed, sex drive, still a virgin, unloved Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Take "matters" into your own hands. See if you can get him atoused while he is sleeping. If you get a response,take control. Climb on top of him and mount him. You can go as far as is comfortable for you and at the pace that feels right. This should calm your fears of getting hurt the first time,if you know what I mean.
If he doesn't get aroused by this,either he is gay or he has a medical problem and should be seen by a doctor.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 Well, either he is gay, possibly asexual OR, he is dealing with guilt issues. SOme guys have a hard time with the thought of having sex with a "wife" unless for acts of procreation. If he was brought up very religiously then that could be a factor.
Also, being a virgin, it is very possible that he got so used to being non-sexual around you when you dated, that he is unable to be sexual with you now, ESP if you had your own issues about sex that you communicated to him before marriage. If he feels that sex with you is "wrong", being married now, may not make him feel any better about it.
The above happened to me once. I dated a girl that wanted to get to know me as a friend first before we got sexual...well she waited too long. We got to know each other, and I really had feelings for her, but I forced and repressed my sexual feelings when I was with her that by the time she was ready and willing for sex, I was not turned on by her, despite the fact that I wanted to have something serious with her.
Grab him, sit him down, and figure out what is bugging him. You may have to consider getting an annulment since the marriage was not yet consummated. IF he is getting turned on elsewhere (watching porn, going to see strippers, etc..) then start to do and watch those things WITH HIM. He needs to see you as a sexual creature.
If you can not event talk to him about THIS, the rest of your marriage stands no chance.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 What you need at the forefront is good communication.
You need to sit down with him and let him know how you feel and you need to listen to how he feels.
The guessing games need to stop and you need to know what is on each other's minds.
This is the only way you are going to solve problems like this.
Take him to a park and walk or to some scenic spot where you can both sit in the car and talk. You can talk to him at home but for such intimate discussions you may want to lighten the mood. You decide. Give it a try. I think things will work out well for you. Doc
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A
female
reader, Sparkly_Stars +, writes (31 December 2007):
 I am so sorry to hear about your problem. Could it be that he has some sort of medical condition, such as erectile disfunction which is stopping him from being intimate with you? I really don't think you should feel that there is something wrong with you, as you sound like a really caring and understanding wife.. any other woman would have left by now!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): Hi dear. Well, I think your hubby is gay. I know this is a tough thing to accept. It is even a tougher thing for you to realise since you are a virgin and are perhaps naive about this sort of thing.
What I suggest you do is talk to him about it and let him know that you know that it is not normal for a "straight" guy that young in age to be so disinterested in sex, and perhaps ask him if it is because he is interested in men. See what he says. But be smooth and cool about asking. Don't put him on the spot. He'll probably deny it, though.
But all I know is that it is NOT normal for him to not want to have sex and I know that it has nothing to do with you. And even though he is going to deny it I really think he is probably gay. You should talk about this to someone you confide in. Especially someone OLDER and more experienced. Maybe ask for advice and support from a friend or family member. Cause I know it is a tough thing to go through and you are going to need all the support and advice that you can get. But open up your eyes. Don't let yourself be fooled any longer.
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A
female
reader, leahw349 +, writes (31 December 2007):
you need to relax it does hurt first time but after that its brill just relax start of slow with some fore play and enjoy it talk to ur husband about what u want tell him u would like to try this again go there and have fun
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A
female
reader, x-Happy-Feet-x +, writes (30 December 2007):
 maybe you should talk to him about that say you want to try for a baby say how you feel you have to tell him what you want he may know wat he wants but does he know what you want so have a talk with him and you may think yourself as large but ur not in the inside ur lovely i bett hes married you not your looks and that he married you and he obviously loves you for who yoou are hope this helps x
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