A
female
age
41-50,
*iamond28
writes: Hi, I have been in a strong loving relationship with my boyfriend for almost four years, never had any major problems that any normal relationship wouldn't go through. I became pregnant five months ago and it seems like our relationship just started to go down hill. we use to live together, but we lost the apt. when i found out that i was pregnant so we moved in with a friend. Thats when the relationship started to get worse. arguments, us saying things to each other then, finding ourselves opologizing to each other. that went on until one day he left and moved in with his aunt and left me and my five year old son staying with our friend. I eventually moved to live with my cousin then from there another friend, with him being aware of my moves. which was very stressful. I started to feel like he didn't care because he wasn't trying to find a place for us to live like we planned on doing in the first place. Communication has gotten worse he would tell me hes going to call me, then i wouldn't hear any thing from him until a day or two later. he would say i'm going to come see you but never show up. and when we did talk he never asked about how im feeling or our unborn child. but the thing that is really confusing me right now is the last time I saw him was about four days ago, he was talking like. I love you, I don't want anyone else but you please just give me time to get everything back the way it was, I promise im going to fix this I love you. but the next day he didn't call one day turned into two days, three, and then four days that i havn't heard from him this has been going on for about three months. I don't understand his behavior please help because i still love him very deeply. but im starting not to see him as that prince charming any more. help im hurt...I just need some advice. thanx!
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female
reader, diamond28 +, writes (26 November 2010):
diamond28 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I'm not expecting him to do everything, and im not waiting on him to. I told him that I think it would be a good idea for me to leave the state to go stay were I know I will have help. Because where im living now I don't have any family here or any other sources that can call on, like he does. But every time im about to make that move, he beg me to stay and tell me not to leave. Everytime asking me to marry him. I was really for the pregnancy he wanted it badly so I gave it to him. Now where is he?? When we first met he was getting put out of his house, i let him come live with my son and I where I was paying bills every month myself, I also let him drive my car as if it was his. But my biggest mistake was when I stopped working and let him take over. Why? he told me. "you don't have to work just go to school." so thats what I did. worst mistake ever.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 November 2010):
 What I often find most intresting is what a poster does not say. The financial situation behind it all goes completely unmentioned.
But it is important. This is not a teenage girl who forgot the pill. This is a mother of a child in her middle to late twenties who with a financial situation leading to being kicked out of her house decided to have another child... or did she? You see, she doesn't say. The apartment might have been lost in a fire or the lease ended. It might have been accidental, even with protection pregnancies happen.
But she does not say. Doesn't consider it any of our business? But these posts are anonymous and SHE is asking for help. Does she not consider the fact that she a pregnant woman with a young child in tow is moving from friend to friend for housing could be a major part in this relationships troubles?
She wonders why he never asked about their unborn child... but how can we answer that if we don't know how this child came to be? Was it planned? By who? Was it an accident or simply never used protection and trusted to their luck? It would help to figure out what he is thinking, but she doesn't tell us.
When there are so many blanks, I can't help but fill them in myself. And they ain't flattering. I get the feeling she is a girl, or acting as a girl, who still has not fully grasped that she is now a woman, no a mother. And mothers should not be kicked out of their apartment and drift from friend to friend. Could this girl, who shouldn't be a girl anymore by age and motherhood, be a bit flaky?
Flaky girls tend to attract flaky boyfriends. And those kind of guys tend to not respond well to stress and responsibility. He probably loves her and probably is working hard to rectify the situation but that ain't easy. And so he stays away from a day, looking for some way to fix it. And then it is hard to go back with nothing to show for it. So it becomes two days, then three. He is trying and surely tomorrow something will come along but it never does.
This is not a flattering picture of either of them but with the details it is hard not to lean towards this conclusion.
My advice would be for this woman to look honestly at her life.
Living with a friend.
Two kids, by different fathers.
Late twenties.
Pregnant.
Longing for boyfriend to come back.
Playtime is over kid. You are soon going to be a mother of two. That means YOU are going to have to be the one to fix things. To find a job that pays enough to pay for housing and everything else. ON your own. Maybe he will come back, maybe he won't but in the meantime each and every month bills need to be paid regardless. You can't afford to wait for prince charming to sort it all out. Prince Charming comes for virgins. Not pregnant mothers. Pregnant mothers get angry bill collectors and friends who might not want to share their house with a crying baby. For god sakes, even cats know to build a nest before delivering. Were is YOUR nest? Your friends house? Then you better name the baby after him/her because they are the best friend ever.
Sort your life out, don't wait for others to do it for you. Waiting for Prince Charming is NOT the way forward.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 November 2010):
 It does sound like he is trying. Perhaps you can try and call him and ask how things are and if everything is alright, perhaps that will give him the proper hints to show him that he needs to start doing the same for you.
Why did he move in the first place? If it was an issue with arguments then, it can be easily fixed. If this relationship is going to go anywhere, I urge you both to talk through the reasons of those arguments and conflicts.
I hope that helps.
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