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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am starting to resent my mom. I am in my mid twenties and still live at home in my tiny room. I just feel suffocated at times and i know she loves me and wants me to be happy but sometimes i think she must want me to be alone and just live in that room forever due to the things she does and the nosy questions..and now i think at times maybe that is why i am alone.I lash out a lot and become angry easily because i don't just tolerate it.I was on the phone with my ex and she knows it has been a painful process of wanting to get back with him. She knocked on the door which she rarely does anyway and i knocked back to give a hint i was busy and she MUST have known i was on the phone and maybe most likely with him. She called me from the house phone to talk to me and just let it ring b/c i was on the phone with him but after that i suddenly i couldn't hear his end and had to call him back. This happened two more times with her calling and then me not being able to hear him until i finally said to her to stop calling. She had nothing urgent to say and was playing dumb.I tried online dating and i almost feel like i need to wait til 10pm to have a conversation b/c the walls are thin and sometimes i think she does things intentionally in the kitchen so she can hear if i am on the phone and i don't feel comfortable carrying on a conversation that way. If i am dressed in gym clothes at 10pm which is my routine at times she will automatically ask where am i going knowing the answer and in two hours if i am not back (i tend to stay awhile there 2 hours is usually the max though) i will get a call checking to see if i am ok. It is just annoying...the gym is a few blocks away and i am not a teenager or even early 20's.I get heat for my room being messy but I just feel like---its one tiny room; what is the big deal and i don't have a lot of space for my stuff so a lot of it is in the corner. I don't want to be told to clean up a room like i am in highschool.Sometimes it is nice the way i am catered to but other times i just feel like i am this little 16 year old girl and that is why it took me so long to even get my first SERIOUS boyfriend(when i was 20--b/c of being overprotective and still almost in this "kid" mentality at 16 when a lot of other girls i know now went on dates and had b/f's and grew up fine and now are in long term serious relationships and are engaged. I feel like i am behind because i never had a head start with this stuff and more than likely will never be married. I feel like i will be 30 and in the same position in life.I just feel overall resentful. I have been saving money and debating about keep saving for the future which is smart or spend money on more rent and move part time in with a friend just to have another place to go. I almost feel like my mom should want me to move out but those words have never come out of her mouth. She basically says i know a lot who are still living at home and they are able to save money because of it. (The ones I know living at home come from a house and have a basement apartment or the parents own the building so they get an apartment probably for a cheap price..not the same thing as living in a tiny dorm room in my mid twenties)If i actually have a date from online i go through anxiety of trying to get ready because i can't stand questions and i basically have to make something up. I will feel a sense of relief once i get around the block. I feel angry a lot of times i will be alone forever. What do i do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 You move out ! You take a second job, or give up the gym or the beauty salon or whatnot- whatever you can save money on, it being nice yet not necessary for your survival ,- and go share an apartment with somebody around your age.
And you stop blaming your mother for whatever is not working in your social and love life.
I do not doubt that your mother may be making mistakes- most mothers do. Let's suppose she is really being way too
bossy, nosy, overprotective, interfering- so ?
There's people who had really abusive parents, or no parents at all. For some people life at home was hell, not just irritating- and they moved on to build up the kind of
life and the kind of family they wanted. You can do it too.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 Plain and simple you need to stand on your own two feet and move out. Either that or you will always be attached to your mum's apron strings and you will only resent her more until you hate her. You need to find a place of your own or with a mate and have your own freedom yes it may take a while to get used to looking after yourself alone but the benefits will be huge as you are living in your mums house at the minute so she has a right to tell you what to do in her house. You need to look in to renting a place. Good Luck.
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