A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm doing it again, i can't stop myself but it always happens subconsciously, it's the 3rd time now and I won't have any friends, i'm ruining my life doing it unless I stop! Basically in junior school when i left i didn't keep in contact with anyone, instead i wanted to break contact and start new. Then with secondary school (high school) and college, when i left i didn't keep contact and again wanted to start new!! Nobody did anything wrong, in fact i had so many friends and best friends and was close with them all, i do wish i hadn't of done that because till this day they all wonder why i did and i don't know myself why! But it's too late and the friendships with my high school and college friends are gone, we just don't talk.... Now i'm in university, i can't afford to do the same i don't want to make the same mistake!! But we're going into summer holidays in two weeks, already i can feel myself doing it and distancing from them. It's not intentional, just i always feel like this when something ends. Why do you think this is, is there anyway i can stop myself from making the same mistake and not ruin the amazing friendships i have!?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): Hey annonymous,When I read this post I was like omgg was this a post made by me,each and everything u said I have done it too..I cut off from my high school friends,they kept calling,texting but I dint reply cuz I thought to myself I want to start fresh and then came college I did the exact same thing,I changed my number dint give them,thinking I wldnt do this is university and now I am goin to graduate in a couple of months and I think I'm pretty much goin to do the same..I don't know my theory is may be I just dint find the right people,like my friends were nice,sweet,they made an effort with me but may be just may be I felt I need to start fresh and probably the fact that my friends tried to get in touch with me made me happy that they still care..but y dint I call them back??I don't know y I dint..:(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): Admitting that you have a problem and asking how and why you have that problem is something I look as a good start that you are starting to take care about yourself and thinking what's best for you. It's growth and it's nice that you acknowledge it.
Now this isn't the first time you did it but the third?! .. Whatever it is that you do, clearly, you are not capable to stop yourself or having the power to say NO and it's wrong. you did it before, you did it twice, so you have proven that you can do it and do it more third, fourth, fifth... Then you be sorry for itthat you can't stop yourself from doing it again? Then locked yourself and do not engaged to anyone, because you obviously do not want to change you are saving grace, you wanna get sympathy for something you know you did and its wrong then you make yourself as the victim so others would
not think less of you, that they do not judge you because you have no control and you are the victim.. Who do you think you are fooling? But only yourself!..asking others for validation to convinced yourself from your excuse is only gonna work at first but it gets old!.. Old habits don't die easily, very true! Get over yourself! If you want change and good in your life then Do It!, it starts with you but how bad do you want it to become a better you? Coz nobody would do it for you... People are not stupid! Don't get cocky coz you got away too many times, if you did wrong and got away twice, it makes a person too confident and and be proud of it coz they are smart!?! Then turned cocky about it and thinks they can just play everyone!
Anyway, your actions and your life is your responsibility. No matter what you do you only got yourself to blame in the end. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 I think the reason why you may be doing this is because you have a defence mechanism that prevents you from missing someone and getting upset by that.Basically, to stop yourself from missing your friends you just avoid contacting them so the friendship will eventually become a distant memory and you didn't get hurt because you can't miss what isn't there.I am sure though that if you wanted to keep in contact with your friends, you probably would have done via text or facebook, if you have it, or things like that. But you can't change what's in the past, you can only shape the future.I guess the easy thing to prevent this from happening this summer would be to try and text them quite frequently or, if they live close enough, try to plan a day or two to meet up.If you are going back to uni in September then it shouldn't be too hard to keep these friendships as you'll probably end up in the same classes with some of them or are you living with some next year?If you really want to keep contact with them, I'm sure you'll do it. Just try to keep them informed of what's been happening through the Summer and enquire about theirs. That way you'll keep in contact and show that you have remained interested in them. I'm also fairly sure that if your friends wish to remain in contact with you, they will. If they haven't already, give them your phone number or facebook or something so that they also have ways of contacting you. Good luck and have a great Summer, hopefully keeping in contact with those friends.
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