A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so after four months of being broken up my ex contacted me to tell me how mich he missed me and that he missed everything about me and has thought about me everyday since the split which was his decision. We were together for about a year i meet him we hang out it was awesome he even told me he had a long talk with his mother about me anyways afterwards i didn't contact him i waited for him to call me and he did and we had dinner and a few beers. My questions are 1am i playing this right by letting him make the effort and is he sincere,But just taking things slow or am i being used.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, MrWombat  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 So he dumped you and wants you back. Cool. What do ***YOU*** want?
A
female
reader, Cnazzie.  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 It helps to remember why you've been apart for so long.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): Do NOT sleep with him until you know what you want. That way you cannot be used. Take it very slow. Remember with an ex - you will soon remember the reasons you broke up.
I'm saying this as someone who got back together with my BF after 5 months apart. He wooed and was on his best behavior - until I fell back - completely in love where I was the first time. And now - he's pulled back and I remember why we broke up.
Not saying people can't change - but four or five months is not long enough in my opinion.
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A
male
reader, HerBest1 +, writes (20 May 2012):
Well, I have seen what happens and most of them just want to "have at it again" and are NOT sincere. Its a CONQUEST thing. To loose it and then go back and get it again and then leave you and hurt you like he was the first time. You have been told how to play this out from some very good, solid posters. The female, Ciar said it perfect though, "do not feel obliged to meet him halfway or say you feel more than you do simply to spare his feelings or reward him for trying" Do NOT reward him....make darn sure not to. NOT for a LONG time. Make sure he is NOT seeing others cuz most are and like I said, are out to get it again and to end it their way. Be wary and be careful....go slow and DONT be afraid to tell him you are unsure of his motives....or of his genuiness...and if you find he is with other females, run. Don't do it....you will regret it for a lifetime and believe me when I say "LIFETIME". Regret is so hard to deal with. You are so worth it to NOT have to learn from the hard knock way of life. You are worth someone who wants to please you your whole life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2012):
 You know the guy, I don't. I would take it extra slow this time around and ONLY date him if you really think he is someone you want to be with long term, not just because HE wants back together with you.
Why did you two break up?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 You are absolutely right to let him make all the first moves and let him woo you. That includes declarations of love or any other other affection. Always let HIM go out on the limb first. If and when he does, do not feel obliged to meet him halfway or say you feel more than you do simply to spare his feelings or reward him for trying. No matter how doting or attentive he's been. EVER.
This applies forever. Don't let up just because you think you have something solid. Never allow a man to think he's 'got' you. Once he feels secure enough the courting phase will end and you'll be the one doing all the doting and sacrificing.
This is not to punish him, but to keep the relationship (if one is to develope) fresh and satisfying for BOTH of you.
Women should always have the upper hand and not be afraid to use it.
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 You are doing the right thing by letting him make all the moves to show that he is genuinely interested. Also taking it slow is very key, do not, under any circumstances, do anything physical with him until you are sure that he is in this for you and not for his sexual desires. It does seem that he is genuinely interested though and the only way you'll know is by carrying on what you are doing. Let him make all the first moves to see how much he wants you. Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
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