A
female
age
30-35,
*bbey08
writes:ok. so. i'm kinda with this guy. well its all physical, actually...no sex, but pretty much everything else. we've been doing this for a few weeks now, almost every day last week...the problem is, he always has a girlfriend. our "relationship" got off to a weird start to begin with. he cheated on his internet girlfriend with me. for awhile, he just stayed with her. the next time he tried to kiss me i told him that he had to break up with her or i won't do anything with him. so he did. then we sort of agreed to keep messing around as friends. like a friends with benefits sort of thing. so we did that for a week. then i figure out he has ANOTHER internet girlfriend, a different one. this time she lives in california. we live in ohio. so this bothers me. he acts like he's head over heels in love with her while hes online but when he's with me...well he hasn't even mentioned her, i don't think he even knows that i know about her. i wasn't going to mess around with him anymore, but i ended up drinking with him which led to messing around...i feel a little bad...but a little spiteful so i did it anyway...the biggest problem of all, however, is i really like him. as more than a friend. and so i'm jealous...its not a good mix. i don't know what to do...i'm afraid if i tell him he'll just make me feel dumb and then we won't hang out at all....what should i do??
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (18 September 2008):
 Well sweetheart if you want to fool around with this guy he will only ever see you as a bit of fun and nothing more.
Internet girlfriend's are not real as they are not right next to you but it is a virtual world so he may give it all the talk and may like to talk dirty with her as it gives him a thrill and she may be the one sitting at the other end of the computer thinking this is REAL LOVE but doesn't have a clue what he is up to you.
Value yourself a little more than a play thing as you will never get yourself a decent guy if you always let yourself be used in this way.
If you were happy being a bit on the side then I would say what is the harm but you have already said you like him too much and you are getting jealous, unfortunately I have to say you knew what he was like when you agreed to be 'friend's with benefits' so you did go into this with your eyes wide open.
OK feelings for you have become stronger but don't settle for second best.
I think he is a player and always will be and probably has other girls who he may do more than just play with, real ones who live nearby so do you really want to be around someone who is like that? I would doubt that he is a responsible guy who takes precautions if he has sex and you could eventually get to the point that things go further than just simple mucking around next time it could be full sex and unfortunately if he is a player he could have been with all sorts and that could have lifetime implications for you in the long run.
Tell him straight a full relationship or nothing as you are fed up being someone he picks up and drops when he feels like it and you are worth more than that.
Start to see yourself for the wonderful person you are as there is probably a guy out there who would love to have you as his girlfriend and who would not mess you around.
If you don't see it like that then I'm afraid you will always be drawn to men who take what they want and give nothing in return as far as emotional commitment is concerned.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): When someone is in a relationship there is no 'friends with benefits'.
That who mindset is false. You do not have sex with friends. Because that is not what friends are there for. If you have sex with someone, they are a lover.
Best not confuse them.
If he won't commit to an honest relationship with you (as you want him to) then the right thing to do is leave him and move on.
He is cheating one way or another on both you and this other woman. And it is not fair on either of you.
This is not the kind of person that can give you the emotional attachment you seek. For him its purely sexual. Nothing more.
Flynn 24
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