A
female
age
36-40,
*uperconfused88
writes:I have been dating this guy for the past few months although we never actually established what we officially were. He had to go to the hospital a while back and have some surgery, which was scary, but he has been out for around three weeks now and is pretty much back to normal. We've continued dating and he really is doing okay. We've even had sex a couple times since then, so believe me, he's doing much better.Anyway, the problem is that we have been dating like this for so long with no actual title or idea of what it means. I asked him about us and he uses his getting out of the hospital a few weeks ago as an excuse, saying he needs to focus on getting better right now, but he does really like me. He also shows me little affection, which has gotten worse and worse since we started dating. He won't hold my hand, put his arm around me, peck me, anything! When I drop him off after hanging out (he can't drive for six months after his surgery), then I finally get a damn peck goodbye. He even introduced me to a few of his friends the other day as "Sally's sister" (not her real name, but evidently the friends know her). Yet if we're at his house alone he'll want to have sex. I'm beginning to feel really used.Now, just today, I was at my sister's house with him and he was using her computer, then went out to the garage to smoke, so I hopped on the computer after him. He accidently left his myspace open and I saw a message he wrote to a girl he used to try to date before me, saying the two of them should hang out. It completely ruined my day, and when I finally asked him what he and her were, he got all defensive and said they were just friends and that she is not the girl he wants. So I asked if we were exclusive or what and he was very defensive still and said, "well I'M not fooling around with anyone else." So I said I was sorry I asked and he was not really knowing what to say so he told me to cheer up and sort of apologetically put his hand on my leg (which means a lot more than it sounds like considering his freakin phobia of showing me affection). So, I decided I'm not going to talk to him unless he initiates contact with me and I'm not going to be an easy catch. If he actually wants to be with me I want him to prove it for once. I'm tired of feeling so played for a fool. You can only chase something for so long, if you can't seem to catch it, you eventually give up. I am to that point right now. Let him chase me for once! I'm just looking for any advice that anyone has right now and wondering if you all think that what I just said is a good idea and if you maybe have any other ideas. Thanks a bunch!
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female
reader, superconfused88 +, writes (21 April 2009):
superconfused88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone! It's nice to see such support :)
I am sticking to my guns to see if he actually puts forth any effort. If not I guess I just wasn't worth his time. He already texted me today saying my new myspace pic is pretty or whatever and I was just like "thanks" and nothing more. Let him try for once. I'm prepared to move on.
Thanks again for all of your helpful input! :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): I've just spent ages chasing after a man and realise now that if he really wanted me he would have come after me. I feel I've wasted all that time and put a lot of energy into someone when I could have saved that energy for someone who thought more of me.
Don't make the same mistake. You've made things too easy for him. Learn from it and move on.
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Hi Hunny
You really need to cut contact no phn calls no nothing, I no it will be going through your head whats he thinking whats he doing and your mind will work overtime..But If you carry on all the giving and chasing then he knows without a shadow of a doubt you are always there no matter what.. He doesnt need to put anything into this at all so he isnt...Hunny if he wants you he will come to you, You are worth much more than this I hope this help a little TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 April 2009):
Yep, sounds like he likes the sex and not having to put any effort in. Plus you are a free taxi service!
Stop talking to him and move on, if he comes after you and tries to get you back, think long and hard on whether you actually want to bother.
If I were you then I'd find someone new all together as this guy really does not sounds like he's worth the effort.
Good Luck!! xx
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