A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We've had some issues, but nothing out of the ordinary. It was a serious relationship, and we loved each other very deeply. We had talked often about getting married, where we would like to live etc. Just a few days ago he broke up with me. He told me that he didn't feel the same, way, or at least he didn't know for sure how he feels. I asked him to tell me truly if he didn't love me. He wouldn't say. He just said it was unfair on both of us to stay together if he felt confused.My Boyfriend had a very sensitive nature- we both do. He has always, and I mean -always- claimed that he loved me very much, and would stay with me for life if I'd have him. He was the one who told me I had no worries about him losing feelings for me, he was adamant, strong, and dead certain he wanted to spend his life with me.I feel lost, confused... he's broken up with me, and I'm left wondering... why? How??? I'm heartbroken, and he hasn't given me enough of an explanation for me to have closure... I'm dying with the amount of hope and sorrow inside of me. My main concern is that he's got himself into a depressive state and he's feeling 'emotionless' and because of this he feels guilty that he's simply not interacting with me as he normally does. And I guess... the other terrifying thought is that he's lied to himself, and to me, all along, and now I'm going to have to live like someone I love with all my heart has just died in a sudden accident.Please help me. Is there anyone who's experienced, or thinks they understand the situation I'm in? Is he simply getting himself in a muddle and making brash decisions because of his low-profile emotions? Is he torn up with guilt because he hasn't actually loved me for this -entire- time?? I just feel so strongly that this isn't right... I don't know how to explain how wrong a break up sounds between us. He's my world. We've been -so- happy together this past year... what has suddenly changed?He's concerned about his career... maybe that a possible cause? I'm so scared. I feel so unsure all of a sudden. Please help me, please. I'm so sad. I'm really struggling. He was always the one I'd talk to if I was upset, or frightened, but now, it's all wrong!
View related questions:
a break, broke up, heartbroken Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 It is good to write out your feelings and emotions sometimes it helps. You have done nothing wrong, yes there will be times that you feel strong and other times where you don't. It is natural to miss him, he was a part of your life so off course you need some time to grieve and accept that the relationship is over. Believe me everyone goes through the same thing with there first love. The only thing that can heal now is time and distance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFeelings are like a roller coaster... I didn't expect this... Oh well... It'll end eventually... It's just so damn hard! I'm proud of myself for my previous post... but I find myself wondering how I managed it. I'm feeling bad at the moment. Low, hopeless, really really alone. I miss him so much! Missing him is so painful! I haven't contacted him, though... and I won't until he thinks it's the right time for him. It's just so painful. I want to tell him everything! Almost as if we haven't separated! I want to tell him how much I've been hurting, and I wish he was there to make me feel better... For someone reason, recently, within the past few days, I've just cried. I've cried a lot. One was totally out of my control- it just happened when I was watching TV with my sister, and I had to run to the bathroom...The worst thing about it is no matter how hard you try to not think about it, and let time run it's course... I think everyone will agree with me that not thinking about it is the hardest part. And every time I do think about it, I get so much pain!I want to hold him again! Just days before our break up he was happy to be around me, proud of me and wanting to be around me. HAVE I DONE SOMETHING TERRIBLY WRONG THAT'S TRIGGERED ALL THIS? Did I make one huge mistake?What's happened!!?? I wish I could go back!!! I'm so alone!! I miss him so stupidly much! I can't stop crying! I LOVE HIM!I know... time is what will tell the whole story.... heal hearts or bring them back together.... I will become more patient I think..... I just find it hard to cope with the emotions... they're so potent and heart-wrenching... but I'm strong...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much everyone. I've had so much support that I didn't expect... I still have moments of upset, and in those moments of weakness I have tried to contact him, but I will no longer do that- I'm gonna let things settle, like you suggest. I totally agree that even though he was the one who initiated the breakup, he seemed totally confused at the same time...
He needs to sort out his thoughts and I'm gonna let him do that! I have been keeping very busy too- going out with friends, and reconnecting myself with activities. I feel like I'm doing really well. You're right, if it's meant to be, I'm pretty sure we'll find each other again... In this day and age, you're never entirely out of reach from someone.
What really made me scared recently was that I heard he'd been admitted to hospital because he needed an emergency operation to remove his appendix... that was so scary, and I couldn't help myself when I sent his mother and him an email... Well, what can I say? I still care for him hugely... but don't worry, I don't expect a reply, and I won't try again because of the sound advice you've all given me. (It just so happens they dropped him when he was unconscious and broke his arm!!! I just really wanted to see him at this point.... :( what a horrible thing to happen to him)
I find myself increasingly more bothered by the fact that we're not talking, rather than not being boyfriend and girlfriend anymore... Because I care about him so much, it's not being there for him which makes me feel so useless.
Well, I'm doing a great job at recovering from the ordeal. I'm pretty sure all you guys would agree with me when I say at some point down the line we'll be talking again... I hope so. All I want is for him to be happy.
Ahhh, thank you everyone. I'll keep you posted on any changes... I'm feeling better, and more positive. The recovery is swift at present, and I'm glad... the pain was so weakening, I was scared for a while about my health and welfare, but that stage is over.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2012): I think he is depressed. I went through a stage where I felt 'emotionless' when I was very depressed, and suddenly my boyfriend looked like the completely wrong guy for me. I freaked out, thought I didnt like him anymore, and broke up with him.
Two months later, when my depression had cleared a bit, we got back together. I had already realized I'd made a mistake. I did like him a lot. But depression messes with you, and its very very easy to get confused.
My boyfriend was heartbroken like you, and he talked to me all during the months we were broken up. However, he didnt force it. He just talked.
My advice to you is, lay low for awhile. Dont initiate contact. I know its hard. But your boyfriend needs to miss, really miss you and your smile and laugh and how you make him feel. When he realizes thats gone forever, he will come back.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 I am in the stage of my life where I have no patience for people who don't know what they want. Either you are in a relationship or you are not. I have suspicion that your now ex boyfriend was faking a relationship with you and all that sweet talk meant nothing. There is nothing wrong with you. It's just that many people are not meant to be in long term relationships. They should have been honest from the start if they have an ounce of doubt about it, rather than dragging it all out and hurting people. People who need to break up in order to get space should not be in a relaitonship at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, Eyespy17  +, writes (15 May 2012):
I know it's really really hard but he probably just had a minor freak out. You are both so young. Maybe he just needs some space. I'm almost certain from what you describe that he will miss you and come back. Maybe he needs a break and not a break up - but only he can figure that out. You need to give him space to sort it out. I'm sure he knows you love him and that wont change. I am 34 and have had many serious boyfriends. When my first love broke up with me at 21 - I thought I would die from the pain. He came back 3 months later but we broke up again 2 months later. He didn't know what he wanted and as much as it hurts - he wasnt ready to commit. He didn't get married for another 10 years to a different girl and I hear through the grapevine that he is miserable and they are not a good fit. Since him, I had many other beautiful relationships and traveled the world and worked on my career. I realize know that he and never would have worked out because he wanted a different life and wife. Try to focus on your next step and give him space. Call friends, start to look at other boys , throw yourself into your career. And remember everything happens for a reason. If it is meant to be, he will come back. If not maybe you are meant to do something else that you wouldNot have done if you two were married so young. Good luck and stay strong. Xoxoxo
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (15 May 2012):
No matter how much someone feelings for you, relationships do go through bad patches. People can have plans to spend the rest of there life with someone but sometimes they get confused about how they actually feel. It sounds to me like he just needs some space right now to see what he wants in life. Am sure he did love you, and probably still does, it just sounds like he needs some space as to figure out what he wants in life.
I know how difficult this must be on you, he was your world, I get that. You need to just take some time to grieve for this relationship. Please do not contact him as this will only make things worse, and make you feel even worse than you do. Take some time to yourself. Call some friends, or family allow them to be there for you. Also keeping yourself as busy as you can helps as well.
...............................
|
