A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:A guy I really liked asked me out over text but i got scared and said no. After that i got depressed and as a sort of anti depressant talked to a guy. i fell in love and i was sure he loved me. He didn't. He felt nothing for me, i was just his puppet. To have a fresh start after that my best friend asked me out and i said yes. I cherished the moment and then he dumped me, im so lost, what do i do?
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (20 January 2014):
First thing to do is realize that at your age you not have the slightest idea what real love is. Its not your fault, its just you don't have enough life experiences to know the difference. What I will tell you what its NOT - its NOT thinking about someone a lot, its not being nervous when theyre around you, its not being sad when they reject you. Its so much more than that you will surely learn about.
Second thing is - yet age related again - odds are, in two years you will never speak to this boy again. In five years, you will never even think of him again.
At your age, your focus should be, your family, school, having fun, then boys WAYYYY down the list. Trust me on this one....
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (19 January 2014):
You seem to go out with one guy to forget the upset from things not working out with the previous one. That doesn’t work, it’s not a good basis for a relationship and is neither fair to you or him. It’s no substitute for talking to some-one you trust and doing things to cheer yourself up, or allowing yourself to feel angry and sad for a while.
You are only young but you’re learning something important at an early age: when we go through things in life that upset us, it’s very easy to try and throw ourselves in to something else to forget it: concentrate all our energy on work to forget our troubled personal lives, or jump into another relationship to get over the last one. The trouble is, it doesn’t work. What you should do is think about why you got nervous and rejected the first guy you liked, did you react straight away and not give yourself enough time to really think about it? Are you not ready to go out with some-one yet? Understanding that will help you be more controlled next time, and the response you give will be the one you actually wanted to.
This is not meant to sound patronizing but I remember being aged 13-15, people were making up and breaking up all the time. I’m sure you do have times where you feel unhappy and lost, but it’s very likely your friends will feel the same sometimes, just because they don’t say so.
A boy that isn’t going to mess you about, or tell you what you want to hear and not really mean it, is one who will get to know you, want to spend time with you and show you that you are important to him. Maybe you’ll need to get to know him first before working out if you want to go out with him, or if not then just don’t expect too much straight away. You have described very quickly falling in love, but unfortunately although we have a tendency to do that, we have to keep a clear head because really figuring out if some-one is right for you doesn’t happen as quickly as the crush bit. That takes time to learn.
I wish you all the very best.
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