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female
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anonymous
writes: I have had a lot of bad relationships in the past where I have been cheated on and lied to constantly. Me and my current boyfriend have been together for 6 months. I love him so much but I feel VERY insecure due to past relationships and it is wrecking my life! I have had feelings that he is cheating on me and he also says that I am the only one that he finds attractive because he loves me so much (that is how I feel) but yet the other day, we were watching a film and there was a woman in underwear and my head was on his chest cuddling upto him. His heart suddenly raced very fast. Surely this cannot be true what he tells me? or is it my insecurities? also, has anyone got any tips to help my insecurities?
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female
reader, Celeste  +, writes (11 January 2006):
 Hello, there..
I understand completely what your going through. I had been going through the exact same thing for the past 6 months.. I met the most amazing man, but I felt he was too good to be true, and I still have trouble believing how happy I am. What I had to do, was make a new years resolution to go into 2006, and our relationship, with no inhibitions, and trust him until he gave me a reason not to. What you are doing is looking for something to go wrong,(which is exactly what I was doing) so that you know u can still trust your instincts. If you feel that your relationship is worth it, then love him like you've never been hurt.
I hope this helps u, and I wish you oodles of happiness with this man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi! I would just like to say thankyou for your replys so far on my question I posted about my insecurities. I've taken your advise in and I'm now going to try my best to work through my insecurities, and also talk to my psychologist for any help she also may have. I appreciate the time you took to write to me. hopefully I will get this sorted and look positivly to the future! Thanks again!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): My heart flutters when I see gorgeous men on TV and I have never cheated on any boyfriends. There is no link there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): Hun, I am sorry you are going through this because love shouldn't feel this way and yes, it sounds like you are truely loved by this guy. His heart palpitated when he saw a girl in underwear on TV.. because he's not dead! Most guys do this-it's normal. It doesn't mean he loves you any less. A healthy love should be giving you hope..a hope that life is good, that you are good and that you deserve it. It's how you get your needs met, it's how you get your desire to connect and belong. But, what you are experiencing is fear, too, sweety. This kind of fear is harmful to what you share with your bf and you really have to learn to fight it off. You are using this fear, to attempt to protect yourself from being hurt. It's keeping you distrustful and insecure. Love is a risk and risk is being vulnerable. Let that past relationship baggage go and start anew with this fellow. Learn to tell yourself-"I am willing to love without fear". Because being "willing" is giving you power to change your perspective and it's giving every reason to quit beating yourself up over this. How do you do it..a change in attitude to the positive is really needed and learning to love yourself more. If this continues to consume you-maybe you need some help from a relationship counselor or a life coach. They are wonderful for changing one's perspective, but this change has to come from deep within you. It won't happen unless you are willing. Stay happy and focused on the positive aspects of what you have. I wish you well dear...good luck, believe in yourself and take care.
Hugs, Irish
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): I also felt the same way when I got with the man I'm with. It takes time and alot of reassurance from him. My man has always said nice things to me even when I haven't felt that way. It's all in how you see your self he can only do so much. like you said you had past relationships that were bad and that's exactly what they are past. the guy your with now appreciates you and loves you for who you are the others didn't. Just try to believe that you deserve the way he treats you and love him for that. the insecure part will come in time just allow him to love you and who cares if he see's another women on tv he'll never get her and it's natural for a man to look or get a little excited. THe scared he might cheat part just think the way I did he isn't the other guys and if he cheats on you then you no he's not the one. I thought that way with the guy I'm with now and if he did then it's his lost not mine I refuse to be in a relationship that I will fear he'll hurt me if he doe's then he doe's there's no sense worrying about it. Just live in this relationship like you did the first time when you didn't get hurt yet and there was no past to dwell on. Good luck!!!!
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female
reader, x Chrissy x +, writes (9 January 2006):
 Hey,
I know that it must be very hard for you to have a relationship when you know that you have had bad relationship in the past but remember that you have to turn over a new leaf for every different relationship, and remember that you should give him a chance, cause at the end of the day if he hasnt done anything that has hurt you badly then he deserves your trust.
it is hard to pass your insecurties and you have too otherwise you will be doubting everything in your realtionship and just give him a chance. And it is quite normal for guys to get excited at things that they see on TV, but I guess almost everybody has had a fantasy about someone on TV, so dont take it too seriously. Hope you work through your insecurties and if he really loves you and you love him back then you will be able to work through it.
Good Luck and I hope that it goes well.
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