A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love babies...Oh my Gosh, do I LOVE babies! I want one so bad, but I know I'm way too young to have one. I don't have a job, but my boyfriend does. It's not a very well-paying job, though. For this reason, I know having a baby wouldn't be the right thing to do for like two more years...It wouldn't be fair to the child! We've disgussed having a baby boy or a baby girl, and we've decided to wait until he goes into the Navy in two years. I'm fine with the wait, but...Why on Earth do I so desperately want a child with him? It's like an undying need to hold a baby in my arms this very second. To breast feed it, to sing it to sleep at night, to have my boyfriend there for the birth...Agh, I want a baby, lol. I'm so in love with my boyfriend. The only thing I want is a baby...Why?
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (30 January 2007):
i Used to want a baby, untill i had a pregnancy scare and i realised that wanting a baby at my age is IDIOTIC and STUPID. You just wouldnt be able to support it. So after the scare, like i said, i realised i didnt want a baby just something to love and care for. Now a days the thought of anyone being pregnant repulses and disgusts me. It could be out of tune instincts telling you that you have found a person to have babys with.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (28 January 2007):
 P.S.
I just read over my long, long answer. Oh my LORD. So many typos. I just had to apologize. I hope my answer is coherant enough for you to understand. Sorry!! :o)
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (28 January 2007):
Hey sweetness,
I am SO on the same page as you. I feel you, I really do. Right now, you are reading the thoughts of a girl who knows how you feel.
"Every time I'm a day or two late for my period I have mixed feelings about 'I'm pregnant? YAY!' and 'Oh, crap, what if?"
Oh, yes. I know that feeling. I love babies too. I want one so badly, but the reality is... well, first off, I can't afford one. Secondly, I'm 20 years old and I just don't think I'm ready to have a baby yet. I have an awful lot of living to do before I bring another life into the world! I sort of like to go out with my friends and go dancing, or maybe do a little drinking, shopping, etc. And with a baby... well, you can maybe do those things once a year. MAYBE. And prepare to be bumming money off of your friends, because every dime you make is going straight to that baby.
Anyhow, let me tell you this. I did get pregnant. I didn't do it on purpose, I have a birth controll pill mishap (missed one pill, took two the next day, total sick disaster... ugh.), and I ended up pregnant. When I found out I was, it wasn't the elated, happy feeling I thought I'd get. Instead, I started thinking "oh my God. This is bad. Bad. Bad. Bad." - and instantly, I knew I wasn't ready for a child. When I'm ready, I know I'll see those two pink lines and think, "HOORAY!!!".
I didn't know what to do. I contemplated all the options, keeping it, abortion adoption... well, I didn't end up having to choose because I had a "spontaneous miscarriage" after only a few weeks of pregnancy. All though that was a VERY sad time for me, it was also a big relief.
I want babies. I want lots of them! I can't wait. But I know that I've got a lot of living left in me. I've got to get my self as smart as I can and as experienced as I can so that my children can rely on me for anything. I want to be able to offer them lots of wisdom, and I don't want to cut my youth short prematurely.
A pet is a great idea. Getting a mouse?? Hooray! Maybe you should get a mouse of the opposite sex and have them make babies. I think that will solve your need to nurture.
You know what I did that made me feel really great? Because, I too love buying baby stuff. I can't resist it! Those adorable little onesies, those tiny socks and shoes... freakin' TOO DIE FOR!
Well, I bought a big plastic box, a journal and started filling the box with things for my future child. That's right, I've got toys and pacifiers and clothes (pretty gender neutral stuff), all in this little box I keep in my closet. As for the journal? I write notes to my future babies. Just about life, growing up and about them and how I'm so excited to meet them eventually. Yes, it's a little weird, but I can't tell you how much it's helped me.
I hope this helps you. I know I rambled, but hey - we're two of a kind.
You'll be a great Mom someday. Just not today!
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, Nikita +, writes (27 January 2007):
 Well, babies are cute and sweet thats true but the reality is different let me tell you. I had my first child when I was nineteen and it was a real shock to the system. I didnt sleep for two months, went partially deaf cos of the crying, had bags under my eyes like holdalls and I lost contact with the outside world for ages. Babies are hard work and they dont come with a manuel either so you're pretty much learning as you go along. It affects your relationship with your partner as well, in many different ways, some good, some not so good. You have to be prepared for the fatc that your life will be changed forever if you have a child and for the next eighteen years as well. Think really long and hard about it before you make a decision because its a big change and money will be an issue as well so I would advise to wait until you have a little more money coming in so that when you do have a baby, you can give it the best start in life. So, wait for those two years like you said and in the meantime, prepare yourself okay so that you will be ready when you do have a baby. Like Juliette says, getting a kitten or puppy is a good idea cos it may help your craving for a child. Good Luck x
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A
male
reader, ady  +, writes (27 January 2007):
 at first it is necessary to be awar that the child will increase your happy but he will require alot of money to take care of and as you said just your B.F has a work that is mean you must think deeply befor going with this decision;
best regard;
ady
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A
male
reader, goodbutnotgifted +, writes (27 January 2007):
 I second the pets, I thought I was into having kids. Being a guy I can tell you that you should be prepared, were you to have a baby now, to see a side of your man too dark to enjoy. I like the wee little tikes long enough to forget their names, bring em back when they learn how to learn, Most guys get blindsided by how loud and obnoxious an infant can be, I am on my third and seeking therapy. The only thing that saves us is our oldest is nearly 5 and leaving the cry for everything bit. oh and my mild addiction to 911 nanies shows. My kids are the ones that scream and throw stuff and I'm the imature dad who joins like its a competition. Getting better all the time. The point is guys are great at making short little visits with kids and I have been improving but even the downside and cooling off is harmfull. Time is on your side, money wise you will never have a baby and pay cash up front, forget that notion now, its unbeleivably expensive, maybe better credit. but for your enthusiasm I might suggest volunteering to spend more time with kids to get the whole picture not just the media fed mind wash youve been fed since birth. women are meant for more than child rearing and when I figure out what I'll make a formal apology to the wife but for you and your dedicated man It's going to take time. having a baby is a huge reality check so try to get as close as you can to simulating that before you go and realy get stuck with it. hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am BLOWN AWAY by your advice, Juliette! Thank you so much for all of that; it helped so much!!! Five out of five!
Ironically, he bought me a mouse, we named it Puddles, and he is our baby. lol He lives at my house. Also, I have researched the costs of a baby, and we are definately not ready. We are also the type of couple who gets into arguments about petty things, but are cool with the big things. We bicker like a married couple, but we end up having a make-up kiss and a sappy moment (hour) together, hehe. I don't think we'd use the baby against each other. We both understand that a child is not currency (we found this out with sex as well--you don't hold off until someone gives in to your asking for a smoke (I'm not a habit smoker. I smoke with friends, one or two a week)).
Yea, the idea of buying cute onesies and little beanies and plushies thrills me. The idea of being murdered by an infant as we start the first few weeks of breastfeeding thrills me as well, though. I look foreward to the nights I BEG the baby to sleep, going through every lullabye until I reach my high-school fight song. Every time I'm a day or two late for my period I have mixed feelings about 'I'm pregnant? YAY!' and 'Oh, crap, what if?' And then I get it and I feel lost.
It's crazy, eeeeek! lol Ya know?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): PLEASE, please pay attention to what JulietteElise and the other poster have written!!
You know that having a baby now when you have no job and your boyfriend is going to join the Navy in two years so you are going to wait until then?! What?! He will not be around to help you raise it! Any in any case, I STRONGLY urge you to GET MARRIED first!!!
To have a baby on your own is most unwise and unfair to you AND the child. A baby needs TWO parents on hand.
By all means, get a job at a day care center or nursery - or do some volunteer work there. This will give you hands-on experience and should go a long way toward easing your longing.
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A
female
reader, JulietteElise +, writes (27 January 2007):
 Ah yes... babies, drooling poop machines that cry all night long so you can try to take care of them on hardly any sleep. I am glad you understand that haveing a child now is not a good idea for the money involved is very great, not to mention long lasting... untill they are at least 18 years of age. Yes, many things are fun and good, but deffitly not at first... things really don't seem easyer untill they are toddlars and even then its a big job keeping them out of harm.
As to why you are feeling this, perhaps it is because you see this as the ultimate proof of your relationship and love. However, this isn't as true or ideally wonderful as it may seem. No matter how much a couple may love eachother, a baby puts strains on a relationship, esspicaly when the couple are still young, and even more so if the father/husband is away for months or even years at a time. I have seen, firsthand, teens and 20-somethings haveing children, and the relationship erroadeing horribly after this, not only because of the finincal strain, but all of the stress and emotions involved, despite how deeply they loved each other to begin with and ended up hateing eachother and useing the child to manipulate eachother.
I won't get into details because then this reply will be very long, but please, think WHY you want to have a child. Is it because babies are cute? Buying the clothes and toys seems so fun? Because it would be fun haveing someone to love and love you back forever? Do you think all the attention from family, friends, etc would be wonderfull? All the happy thoughts are not enough, and in fact will only make things far worse if you both did have a child and you suddenly were faced with reality.
To help calm this urge, getting a kitten or puppy in the meantime can help a lot, and this pet can be both of yours "babey" untill you are both finically stable and have a home. You can both go pick it out, and spoil it to death. Also, since you don't have a job, a good one for you would be to work at a daycare or nursery where you can hold, sing to, play with, and give love to babies or younge children without haveing to also deal with all the stress and money. This would also help to better prepare you for when the time is right to have a child. However, if the urge becomes so extrem that you just "can't" wait any longer, please, please, PLEASE resurch the costs of the first few months, and years of raising a child, of common stresses and how to deal with them, how to still have a happy relationship during all the stress (which, as stated, is very hard even for people madly in love, once in a while at least). Read and Talk on forumes of younge mothers so you know what to expect... learn from their experiences. Also, looking on "single mother: forumes can help a lot too, since you will be essintialy one while your man is gone for long periods of time. Also, try practicing getting up every hour or two for a month or so at night, and keep in mind your "life" during the day will be over for you have to care for the child, still feed it every few hours, while doing all the other work you would need to get done like laundry. You will not have time to go out and have fun with firends, even for just a movie most likely, and you and your man will find it very hard to work on your own relationship while careing for the babey and family dynamics as well. You will have to give up many things you enjoyed, or do many things you'd rather not, to make sure your child gets everything it needs. Thus... enjoy being together without responsiblities, for haveing a child is a life-time commitment. It is a wonderfull thing haveing a child, but the negitives have to be clearly seen as well for well informend and prepared parents.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): i think you feel you want to have a baby with him to keep your relationship strong.I'd suggest you don't have a baby for financial reasons and you should take this time to value eachother and spend time together as once you have a baby it will be much harder
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