A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I went out with this girl I met online. I really liked her and we went out three more times after that. She was really cold and despite going out with me a few times, it looked like she wasn’t interested. I was frustrated but each time I would think so, my friends would tell me that I’m being too hard on her and that she’s probably insecure and putting up walls. It turns out that she’s never had a boyfriend and she tells me that she tends to put up a defensive high wall – not letting people in. Apparently my friends had a clue. She was trembling in my arms and went frigid when we kissed…I guess I should have waited until she was more comfortable…I called her, and we go out on another date… maybe my friends were on to something. Why would you go out with someone all these times if you’re not interested in them?I put a lot of effort into making those dates exciting and memorable and now I feel like I wasted my time. She was unphased by it all and found that “I talked too much” and that her conversations with her friends are usually 5-10 mins max. I was insulted. I was wondering how you could ever get to know anyone… It really didn’t matter, because after that comment I said “@#$# it!” in my mind and turned the “date” into an exit interview. We talked our dating experience, our past relationships and what exactly we were looking for.She’s never had a boyfriend. She’s been “used” by two guys on 1-2 dates in the past. She “has no idea” what she’s looking for, “just screening people out right now” and dating.I’m mad at myself because I decided to put the effort in with this girl and I feel really, really stupid for doing so. A simple "I'm not interested" would have been great but I guess she didn't know herself and I don't blame her for that.Any insights? I obviously have a lot to learn.
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frigid, insecure, met online, never had a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Rogerramjet +, writes (14 July 2009):
Eh, it's all a learning experience. Part of the trick of finding "the right girl" in a dating situation is finding someone who is at the same place as you and looking for the same things in a relationship.I think it's also important to remember that, when dealing with online dating....Eh, you still run into individuals with social hangups and awkwardness/issues who can't communicate themselves in real life one on one situations very well..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): well you shouldnt be mad at yourself you treated this girl with repect and tried you made an effort the dating world is fun and complicating at times. this girl may have other things on her mind i wouldnt worry to much you did everything right
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