| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: So, i have been with my boyfriend for several years and we are so in love, thinking of getting married in the near future. The problem is, the past few months i've been thinking about my past constantly and feel so embarrased. The thing is, that before my boyfriend, i have slept with 4 guys that are friends of his friends... Two of these were one night stands, two were not, but with any of them i wasn't in a relationship with. My boyfriend knows about 3 of these, but not the one. I couldn't tell him, im so embarrased how easy i have been when younger.. why did i have to sleep with these people, as long as im with my boyfriend it will haunt me. And im so afraid what these people are talking about me and call me a whore.. when we began our relationship, one of these guys told him how easily he had had me.. well it's been years, but i feel so embarrased for by boyfriend as well, that he is with " a whore" like me... and to make it worse, these some of these people eve know his brothers, and maybe they have already said something to the, i don't know..I can't imagine anything worse than his brothers telling him not to marry me cause im a whore..Im even thinking of ending the relationship cause i feel so embarrased and i know that if i wasn't with my boyfriend, i would never ave to deal with these people or think about what i've done in my past. But i love my boyfriend to death and even the thought of leaving him kills me. I just can't stop thinking about my past and how stupid i have been when sleeping with these guys and ruining my future.. Other from that i haven't slept with so many guys, my total numer is 7, i have just slept with the wrong people that's for sure.Tell me, what do you think..
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (7 November 2012):
 Whoa, whoa, whoa, why would you pull away from the man you love because you're afraid of some rumors that he might hear later? Your past is yours and no one else's. Just because people talk crap about you doesn't make it so. Do not let these people chase you away from what you have. That would be dumb and you would surely regret it. First of all you're not a whore. You were exploring sexual options. That does not make you a whore. Women have just as much of a right to sleep with a few guys when they're young, before they find "the one" and you have done nothing out of the norm. If I were you I'd stop spending so much time worrying about it. It's your business. You do not owe your b/f any explanation about who, what, when or where so keep quiet about your past. Secondly if anyone says anything about you that is negative, simply tell your b/f it's garbage. They are just jealous of what you have now, and they want to destroy it. After that just ignore them. The less you say, the better. Then find people to hang out with that have nothing to do with them. Eventually things will die down and you will move on with your life. The key here is to keep things in perspective and enjoy your life.
A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (6 November 2012):
 If he loves you he WONT care that you've been with 7 people, being with 7 people by your age can hardly be described as promiscuous. You are not a whore, you've done nothing wrong, tell your boyfriend the truth, if he can't handle it then it really is his own problem
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A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (6 November 2012):
 Your only problem is your perception of yourself. Because you think so lowly of yourself you assume these friends and brothers do as well. You can only allow people to think badly of you if you believe it, so stop believing it! Everybody makes mistakes from their past, everyone. No one is perfect. You are not a whore. Did you know the number of sexual partners for the average woman in her lifetime is 6? And do you really believe every single woman has only had sex with a longtime boyfriend? Of course not, plenty of women have made "mistakes" and had sex with a guy they liked they weren't dating. Unless you were on a street corner soliciting sex for money then you are not a whore. And your boyfriend is already well aware of the men you had sex with with the exception of one, do you believe telling him you had one more partner will suddenly have him believing you aren't worthy of him...? Come on, of course it won't. Hopefully anything we have said has eased your mind about how you think badly of yourself. But if none of that helps please realize you have been with your boyfriend for many years now, any bad talk about you from friends or brothers will have stopped long ago. Maybe at first they felt the need to "warn" him about how "easy" you were but after so many years any idiot could see that was your past and you are obviously not a whore but in a serious committed relationship. Aside from that your boyfriend wouldn't listen to it for an instant anyway. So unless you have been cheating on your boyfriend with his friends stop calling yourself a whore, stop worrying they think lowly of you and will warn him before marriage. It's all in your head and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone can see how happy you are both together I'm sure and a few past indescretions won't change anyone's long term view of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012):
People always say "If he really loves you he will accept it". That sounds good but it's not true.
Whether or not he accepts it is based on his value system more than anything else. If promiscuity really bothers him then it will bother him MORE when he loves the woman, not less. Women always seem to get this aspect of men's minds backwards.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): I dont think you made any mistakes by sleeping with all these guys. Times of being a virgin before your marriage are long gone. The only difference that these guys are in circle of friends, but whats done is done. And please dont call yourself a whore, because you are not. Guys can be whores too, you know. How nice is it to sleep with a girl and then go gossip about her how easy she was.They are not even worse your attention. many years from now you wont eeven remember all this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): Show him your post. If he is a reasonable person, your sincerety should outweigh the "ewwwwww" factor. If not, then better to find out now, then after a few kids....
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (6 November 2012):
First off your not a whore, you've only been with seven people, we all do things we regret when we're young, and you need to accept that, tell your boyfriend exactly what you've written here, if he loves you he won't care, as for these other guys talking and bragging let them get on with it, if they have nothing better to talk about then their obviously very sad, this is not worth ending your relationship for, trust me, talk to your boyfriend, tell him everything and you will feel so much better about everything
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): O, please time s changed.
You only had 7 guys, it's not that many at all. I had 34 before I met my husband at 28. He had close to 200. Should I hold it against him?
Relax. And those guys are low lives who talk bad about their former lovers
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A
male
reader, Stephen Stewart Nixon +, writes (6 November 2012):
 Dear Anonymous
You're boyfriend already knows about your past and yet he still loves you. He also probably knew about your endeavors before he started dating you. I think the problem lies with your self perception rather than his perception of you. Letting him know that you feel bad about your past will help. First you can be reassured that he is ok with it and secondly he can help you change your self perception. Sleeping with a few people isn't the end of the world; I assure you there are an awful lot worse things a person can do! Yesterday is gone, today and tomorrow are what counts so it's a good idea to look forward rather than backward.
Hope this helps
Stephen Stewart Nixon
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (6 November 2012):
 mistakes are made when we are young, and don't bother us till life hits us later. o.k. you made mistakes in life that cant be changed, that you have to live with. how much does your boyfriend know? he knows of three but not a four guys, does he know of the other three of the seven? maybe you need to set down and tell him of the total seven, tell him you was young made mistakes. open up to him. sounds like the guilt of the past is weighing you down , "the past few months i've been thinking of my past constantly and feel so embarrassed." maybe you should set down with him and tell him you made mistakes . tell him their was seven in the past,let him know you love him, tell him you love him, ask his forgiveness. i take it he( your boyfriend) is the guy you want to spend your life with , right. a relationship is built on trust and honesty. it sounds like what you are keeping hid from him is the very item that is causing you grief. does your guy deserve the truth? is he the guy you don't want to live without? i think the big thing is you are worried about how he will take it, you worry about rejection from him, you feel unworthy to him. let me ask if this is eating at you now , and you keep it hid from him. you get married to him do you think it will bother you more on down the road together. you are worried about rejection and hurt if you come clean to him. if he is the guy that wants to spend his life with you he may feel some hurt at first , but he should extend love, forgiveness, and acceptance to you. last you are not a whore , you don't need to beat yourself up. you can't undo the past. i wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): I would broach the topic and ask him how does he feel about your past, it was before him. Anyway you need to tell him if he cant accept your past and its likely to be a problem then you need to end it as much as it hurts. If you go ahead and marry you will always worry when will he find out and then he might even leave you. Its a risk you are going to have to take if you want an honest relationship and you want peace of mind. You also need to forgive yourself as we all make mistakes.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 November 2012):
 Just as you can't "unring" a bell..... you can't change your past...
If you think it appropriate, you might raise this issue with your B/F and see how HE feels about it... IF he has misgivings... then better to learn of them now, rather than later.... Hopefully, he is aware of your past, and is willing to grant you a "pass" for it... chalking it up to youthful mis-adventures. Either way... a discussion with him will help you determine what happens to this burden that you are abiding...
Good luck....
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