A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I guess i already know the answer to this question, but i need to hear it from someone else really.I have been seeing a guy for the last 3 years, we met online, chatted, then met, and ever since we have been really good friends, he is/was my best mate. He was attached, with a small family, but this never phased our relationship, we went away together on weekends and even managed to get on holiday together. Everything was fine, i didnt ask him to leave her, i thought this would take its own course in time, afterall, he obviously wasnt happy at home, or he wouldnt be seeing me too. Then things got worse, he had financial problems, which meant she took on another job, which meant he couldnt get out so much to see me because he was watching the kids, although this was a nightmare, and we only saw each other every few weeks or so, he was always there, every night online to chat to, or we would email each other at work, or call on the phone. Then, that started to drift off over the last 6 months, i seemed to be contacting him all of the time, and then he would answer me, if i didnt contact him, it seemed to me that he wouldnt contact me... and so it went on... then about a month ago, he rang to tell me he had left home, thats when everything came to a complete stop... since he has left, i have had one phone call, (prompted by me sending an email asking why he wasnt contacting me)and on visit (prompted by another email i sent, asking him to come and see me)both times he had the chance to tell me it was over between us... i always asked him to tell me, even if it hurts, because i didnt want to be in the postion im in now... being left hanging with no knowledge as to why he no longer contacts me.... he didnt tell me on the phone and he didnt tell me when he came to see me, in fact it was just like any other of his visits, he was loving and tactile, although didnt stay the night... that was 2 weeks ago, that was the last time i heard anything .... i said to myself, im not going to contact him, let him contact me, see how long it goes on for.... im still waiting, he has not contacted me. He lives in the next town, so nearly 40 miles away, so i will not see him around, and will not bump into him, i know everything about him, where he works, where he lives, i could make life really hard for him, but being me, im not like that... so after all this, my real question is... why isnt he contacting me now... i dont understand why? ive not done anything wrong to him, ive supported him 100%, i spent lots of money on him, taking him away etc. There is an age gap he is 11 years younger than me, and i turned 50 this year, but i dont think that is the problem... i know he is trying to make it on his own now he has left, but i just cannot come to terms with the fact that he has dumped me, and doesnt seemed phased at all, that he has not heard from me... im so confused, should i continue not to contact him, and leave it at that, with no closure as to why? or go back to trying to get an answer from him by emailing or texting him? What do i do?
View related questions:
at work, met online, money, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (17 November 2008):
 "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were..."
~Eve~
A
female
reader, Anonny +, writes (14 November 2008):
Its the worst feeling in the world when you suddenly are getting on well with a guy and then slowly but surely he stops contact!WHY DON'T MEN JUST SAY WHEN THEY'RE LOSING INTEREST?? - US GIRLS CAN TAKE IT YOU KNOW!!This has happened to me twice and I wasn't even that heavily involved with the men either!!I think sometimes when men are involved with a partner already it makes it harder for them to keep in touch!- So that could be a reason why they don't contact!Or like Teacake said - guilt could be a reason why they get cold feet! - Who knows? - Only the men themselves I guess!
...............................
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (14 November 2008):
 Don't contact him at all, just leave him well alone. He is probably trying to get his head round things and his new situation. He knows how to get in touch with you if he wants to. I imagine on finding out the news that he has left his family you were hopeful he would come to you but he hasn't really made an offers to you or discussed this with you. For this reason I would leave him totally alone and wait for him to come to you if he wants to. Don't chase him or even ask him if he is ok etc etc, make no contact at all. It appears from your post that he is fading things out but that may not be necessarily so - he may just be unsure of what he wants to do. If you hear nothing within a month I would assume the realtionship is over.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (14 November 2008):
 Do not contact him in any form. You make your own closure and move on. It's over and whether you know it or not...that's a good thing.
...............................
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (14 November 2008):
 You didn't ask him to leave her? I'm sorry to be so blunt but women have no business hooking up with men who are with someone else. You just enable men to think its okay to cheat.
Women need to walk away from men who are betraying their partner no matter what his sob story is.
Any woman who helps a man cheat shouldn't cry when it happens to them. Its up to woman to teach men how to have some ethics.
You need to tell him that the both of you are being selfish as you are helping him lie and cheat. You are no better than he is. He backed off for many reasons. Guilt could be one. Or she found out. Or, he's found yet another woman to boost his ego.
Sorry, but I"m just tired of whining women who have troubles with men that have girlfriends or wives.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): Statistically affair doesn't last more than 18 months. If doesn't develope into something more it ends.
Novelty goes away, your guys don't leave their wives and probably never leave. I don't think for men it matters if they are happy with their spouses, they can be happy and still cheat. Just looking for a thrill.
Your relationship with your guy is very unussual:you were very involved. You were going away and on vacation, this is highly rare occurence when it comes to dating married man.Ussualy they don't even want to take you
out, out of fear to be seen.
If he doesn't contact that often anymore it's a very good indication that he is cooling off. Just ask him what's going on and move on. I know it's not easy, but don't you want to find someone just for yourself?
...............................
A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (14 November 2008):
 I wanted to reply only because I am getting the same thing from a guy right now. The situation is similar to yours, but we are not as close as you two are. We've been meeting off and on since March of this year, with the past 2 months being really great. During this time he has always pulled away and stopped contacting me. I have no clue why, though. I just know that he's doing it again right now (been 2 weeks), and it is so very hard to deal with. I would like you to contact me privately so we can talk further. Sorry I don't have a solution for you.
...............................
|
