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I'm so confused, is she backing away or jus flaky?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 October 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 16 October 2009)
A male United States age 36-40, *usicMan87 writes:

Hey Everyone just seeing if I could get a little advice on a situation I'm having right now. So I have been casually seeing this girl for about 5 months...we use to date way back in the day and hadn't seen eachother in like 6 years...we started hanging out last april and started to really get to know eachother again hanging out once or twice a week. There was a mutual attraction but neither of us wanted a relationship...we had hooked up once in June..didn't sleep together but had some fun. So now it's October..over the past two months things have gotten a little more serious...we kiss everytime we part ways and always hold onto eachother...she also took me to meet her parents a couple weeks back. The thing is that she is really busy..she has school, work and an Internship as well so she is fully loaded. Also she has a lot of guys friends..so she is around them a lot too. Last week she stayed over at my house..again we didn't sleep together. The next day I asked her if she saw "US" Going anywhere. She said yea she did for sure and that she had been thinking about it alot. Wanting to take it too the next level but she wanted to make sure she could put 100% into it. I said I think we should at least try rather then let this pass by cuz I can't just be friends with her my feelings are too strong for her. She texted me later that day and asked how it would work if we were together, and that it would be hard because she is so busy. I let her think on it a couple days then she messaged me and said the flowers I got her still looked great..I said good. The next day I texted her and I was like We should hang out this weekend are you free?? it's been almost 3 days and not a single word from her. She has always been kind of flaky so I'm use to that but I am just so confused as to what is going on right now! I want to be with her, I think she wants to be with me...at least that is what she said...She tells it like it is..so I feel like she would have said if she wasn't intrested. Yet we have been talking about us on a more serious level........what do I do??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009):

Okay, she's busy. Luckily you're the guy so it's okay for YOU to call/text her again! I'm just like her - the man I love has texted/e-mailed me and as much as I have meant to reply, I have gotten distracted or pulled away by some urgent thing that follows the e-mail and I forget.

You might have luck with being supportive of her work/school while spending time with her at the same time. For example, if she's working on a project, drop in with a pizza so she doesn't have to worry about dinner. Study together but honestly don't distract her. Just enjoy being around her. Show her that you can be around, she can spend time with you and still get things done.

I would call her this evening and say "You seem like you've been really busy. I didn't hear back from you when I texted you on Tuesday - I can't imagine what your week has been like! I'm picking up some dinner at {her favorite place to eat} and I'm bringing you something to eat. What would you like?" She should MELT! Anyone who can put his own frustrations aside to worry about how HER stressful week has been is a sweetheart that is sure to get the girl he loves! (I would know, my husband did the exact same thing for me when we first started dating and were in a situation similar to this!!!) Very best of luck!

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (16 October 2009):

You really need to sit her down and talk to her about where all this is going. It sounds like she's pretty unsure herself. More talking.

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