A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:At my school, in about a month, we will have "freshman formal" (a formal dance for only freshman). Everyone is getting dates, buying dresses, and everyone is really excited. I didn't get asked and I'm fine with it, my best friend's boyfriend is on vacation at that time, and my other friend and potentially her other friend are dateless, so we decided to go stag, together. I told my mom this, and she immediately told me to get a date or everyone will think I'm a lesbian. WTF? I know alot of dateless people who decided to go in a group of girls. Why is she saying this? Then she brought in my sister, who never went to my school as a freshman, who also said everyone will call me a lesbian. I'm straight, and I'm annoyed that my mom and sister told me that. I made my own plans, i can go through with them if i want to! I'm not as insecure as they are and can walk in alone perfectly fine. Its annoying they always rag on my plans and gang up on me. Ugh they're both so stupid! Out of all of them i'm easily the smartest. Why would they say those things to me? Whats wrong with them?
View related questions:
best friend, insecure, lesbian Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! Just to clarify, my dad is in the picture, just wasn't involved in this particular situation. My mom still thinks I should find a date, and whenever i bring up getting a dress or anything, she just says in a calm, i-know-what-I'm-talking-about-trust-me, "try to get a date". Its annoying, but i know it means well. It kind if gets on my nerves too, seeing as my mom is one of those moms who try to be "cool moms", when anyone with eyes could see that all that a kid wants is a normal mom. She also isn't very politically correct, throwing around "gay" an "retard" like its nothing, even though I tell her thats not right to say and after it led my young brother to believe that "retard" meant "stupid wierd person". Don't worry, i cleared that up. Regardless, i know it means well, even if it will take my mom years to understand what I try to tell her. Its kind of late tk get a date too, so i doubt it would happen, even if i tried. Thanks alot!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 January 2012):
 Because alas often moms mean well and act wrong.
I am neither stupid nor ignorant ( they would not keep me on Dear Cupid if I were ,lol ) and yet at times I screw up due to anxiety and overprotectiveness. I don't want anybody to hurt my 22 y.o., 6'2" baby :)
My son is an adult. He does not drink at all, he does not smoke, he does not do any drugs light or heavy. He hates with a vengeance clubs and discos and karaokes and Facebook and anything mainstream.
He DOES have friends and a rather intense social life, but doing nerdy bookish " niche " stuff with other nerdy bookish " niche " types.
I admit I have a little trouble with that. I adore my son but it's difficult for me to accept that this is what he is and this is what he does. In the back of my mind, there is always the fear that he may be criticized , misjudged, misunderstood or made fun of. I'd like him to be more " popular ", more " social ", ...life is easier, even if less authentic, when you do NOT march to the beat of a different drum. Rationally I know that his choices are not my problem any more- and that they are not a problem at all in fact. Emotionally, ...so and so.
I must be the only mother alive that pesters his son to go party at least once in while, or to go to bed LATER , or would he please at least listen to some Lady Gaga ... ( no, I made this last one up :) there's a limit to what you can do to fit in, LOL ).
Your mom and sis mean well- and express it badly . It's like they want to scare you into social acceptance- because they are afraid you may feel left out and be hurt.
Don't get angry. Do what my son does : smile, say " It's cool mom , I am fine " and.... keep doing your thing.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): "Why would they say those things to me? Whats wrong with them?"You said it yourself, your mother and sister are stupid. Also thoughtless, rude, insensitive and ignorant. But believe it or not they are also well-intentioned. Mom thinks she's giving you advice that will help make you "popular" in school, just doesn't realize how misguided her advice is. No mention of your father, assume he's not in the picture, if that's the case your mother could be trying to make sure you don't end up in the same boat, single and alone at her age. You have more smarts, insight and maturity as a high school freshman than most forty-year-olds. Try to be patient and forgiving, though I know it can be difficult and frustrating.Politely ignore your mother and sister, go stag to the freshman dance with your dateless friend(s), have a good time, and enjoy your high school years.
...............................
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (10 January 2012):
 You wouldn't be called a lesbian for that. When you get older the majority of bar goers go in groups of the same sex. You should go with your friends and have a great time.
I think that they are saying this because it sounds like your mom is very old fashion where the boy takes the girl to these events and that is just how it is. Your sister seems to be following along with this thought process.
The best thing you can do is try to ignore them and go have a great time with your friends. You don't need a boy to do that.
...............................
|
