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male
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*K
writes: Dear Cupid,I am what has frequently been described as a very good looking mixed race guy (3/4 black) who is "off-puttingly" shy and lacks confidence. Because of this I believe I have never had a proper lasting relationship or anything when I've seen a girl regularly that likes me. Just three random 1 nite stands- though the girls were nice, this is not what I want. It always seems to be the case that the girls chat me up or get their friends to ask me to go to them because I find it so hard to do myself- due to fear of failure, I always run out of things to say and it just becomes awkward.The latest episode has really frustrated me and has happened on 3 other occasions. The girl liked me, I spoke to her and she took my number, we see each other out and text each other but nothing ever comes of it. Then when I ask to meet, she claims to be to busy, then later tells me she has a guy she's kind of seeing- I am always left in the cold. What makes it harder is that I am at university, where guys get girls so easily, except for me. I am not the life and soul of the party, even though I dj. I am never the centre of attention and I don't like to let girls think I like them because they get big headed and use it against me to make me look like a fool. I am asking for your advice about how I can really change this for good. I believe I am getting too old to be like this any longer, and do not wish to base any more relationship chances with girls on luck. I've read a lot about body language and being cocky and funny etc, but as soon as I am in the "REAL WORLD " it feels like I have a constant battle to face. Some people believe that because I went to an all boys secondary private school that I lack the skills to chat to women to show attraction, or even casually- they just want me to be a friend- I admit I do find this hard but I find that as soon as girls realise I am quiet and more reserved and somtimes nervous they use this against me. Please help as this sadness has started to impact on my work and lately I don't even feel like going out anymore. :(MK
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (5 February 2006):
 People are by human nature, attracted to those who have a happy disposition & a positive attitude to life in general.
You will never find a depressed, negative person drawing people to them... it repells them.
Dont just walk into a room... ENTER the room, proud of who you are, showing the world that you are confident in who you are as a person... trust me, it shows and people
will pick up on it immediately... they will be naturally attracted to you... and yes...
smile, smile, smile!
it goes a long way & smiling will make you feel happier too.
Wishing You All The Best,
Take Care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2006): Everyone is shy, and no-one is shy. I know that sounds strange, but I'll tell you why I said it. I said that becaus esomeone may be shy doing something like going up and performing on stage, but they might be confident while talking to people, it's just a case of finding what you're confident doing.
It was a relief to read your question for me, because I'm in exactly the same position. I've never had a boyfriend because I'm too scared of talking to boys without looking silly. By the sounds of it, that's how you feel too. I've also been described as good-looking. At least we know we're not alone!
It is hard to ask someone out, but you're still young, and you still have time, be patient. The trick is, acting confident, and you'll look it. Go to a party, or a night club, or something like that, and walk through those doors with a smile on your face swaying your shoulders. If you look happy and confident, people are more likely to approach you anyway, saves you the hard work, eh?!
If not, then go up and stat talking to people, even if you're shaking at the knees, and just make basic conversation, you know the stuff: How are you? You look nice, etc. The first time is hard, but the more you do it, the easier it gets, trust me.
Then, if you see a girl you like the look of, approach her and start talking to her like you'd talk to a mate, she'll appreciate that. Tell her stuff about you, mixed with an equal balance of questions about her. But try not to look too keen and clingy! If you liek her, and feel comfortable talking to her, then take the plunge, after all, if you don't have a first try at something, you'll never do it! Life's too short for hat, you've got to live everyday like it's the last. Just be natural, and act confident, smile, and you'll be fine.
Remember, if you want this to work, you've got to get out there and go to a party for yourself. Luxuries don't land on the doorstep, good luck!
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A
female
reader, Am I Lost w/o him? +, writes (3 February 2006):
My son went to a Military school in Florida and had the same type issues when he went back to a regular school with girls. He soon overcame his awkwardness around girls and is doing fine. JUST Smile at the girl, say How's it going? Strike up some conversation and do notWORRY about showing that you are attracted to them, that comes NATURALLY, she will get the picture. If a girl only wants friendship it is because she is not sexually attracted to you but may really like you. It happens all the time to alot of guys so do not take it so hard. I really think you should get a dog, go to a park to walk it daily, strike up a conversation with a girl who has your interest. Join a group of some type, a club for biking, some activity you enjoy and I bet you will run into someone soon who also has similar interests...THAT WILL MAKE THEM EASY TO TALK TO. If you are shy just say Hi and do not try hard, just BE YOURSELF. Mixed race is not an issue MANY women like different looking men, I for one would look for your type so I am sure there are many women who would like to get to know you. So just be yourself, SMILE it goes along way. Sorry I am not much help but I know men like you and I tell them to SMILE it makes a world of difference. :)
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