A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everyonei'm a very shy person but i don't want to be. I always want to talk to others but i just can't. i always chicken out. and when i am with someone i always worry about what to talk about and always thing of something to say. i also get paranoid that others are talking about me behind my back and i just sometimes can't even look at some people. please help me what should i do?
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female
reader, PaperChase +, writes (11 April 2011):
 I used to be quite a shy person myself when I was younger so I can understand what you are going through! Believe me you do not want to be too quiet where people see you as an easy target and someone to blame (been through it personally). At the same time you don't wanna come across as too cocky either as some people can't stand motor mouths! Learn to create a balance of not saying too much but saying enough to engage a convo, and also learning how to listen (very important). The more you listen to someone else, the more you can relate to stories that might be similar in your own life. Just stay true to yourself and who you are, a big part of coming out of your shell is all down to confidence! Try power dressing, as it will make you feel good about yourself, and others will pick up on it too! Try simple things by paying someone a compliment, it could be anything from "Oh you look nice today!" I like what you're wearing! Where did you get it from? It suits you!" Or "Have you had your hair done?" Start off by that, or just talk about your hobbies and interests and what you like to do, I normally start a lot of conversations with music, as it is the universal language, as everyone listens to music! You can easily venture out to other topics from that! :o) And try not to worry about what other people think, you shouldn't really care (easier said than done I know) But when you get older you'll learn to care less what others think and just do you and ignore all the negative vibes in your life! Anyhoo....I hope this has helped! :o)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): Try practicing your conversational skills with people you're already comfortable talking to; ask them about school, work, hobbies, and be curious about their lives! It can also help if you do some activities worth talking about yourself, like a sport, or playing a music intrument. After a while, it will become easier for you to find something to talk about, and you'll be able to talk to people you're not as close to. By learning to know other people, you'll find out that they have A LOT more interesting stuff to do than talking behind your back, and that most of them will be friendly enough if you're interested in them. Humor also goes a long way.Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I used to have exactly the same attitude as you, and it took me over a year to be able to say I'm comfortable with meeting strangers and making new friends. However, you WILL end up gaining confidence and being happy with who you are. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Philips +, writes (10 April 2011):
 Its easy to say, "Just talk". But it will seem impossible to you. You think that nothing will be worst than say something stupid, and end up being laughed at and be tagged "Dumb clown" for the rest of your school years.You have very little social popularity and if you try to improve it, you may end up losing that little popularity and friends you already have.So the problem is "YOU THINK TOO MUCH". You put too much emphasis on details, on things you don't have direct control upon.You do have something to say. You have a brain and you should have your own opinions. However due to low self-confidence, you wonder if you opinion might be wrong. You prefer to remain silent because of that.Their is nothing theorical about casual socialisation. Its a lifestyle. Like the old saying,"Practice makes perfect". The more you'll meet new people, the more comfortable you'll be around people.You need to be spontaneous, thats why you should not think too much. People make mistakes and i'm sure they'll quickly forget it, if you make a fool of yourself (which i doubt). How to boost your self-confidence and socialisation practice???First be with friends you already have. Get close, do what your heart desires, make mistakes, explore new stuff, be interresting, joke, say whatever crosses your mind. Don't hesitate one second to say it. When you feel at ease with them and can talk spontaneously to them, you can comfort yourself that nothing can be worst. You'll always have these friends. Now you can meet new people. Realise that you should not try to impress them, you should show them who you really are. Most people like sincerity and transparency in friendship, and by being spontaneous you'll show just that.Realise that the worst thing isn't to be rejected but having not tried to be accepted. At that moment rejection or acceptance will not matter to you, what will matter is you made a step forward.FollowUp if you want more details.P.S: I was shy too, now i'm at the heart of every party.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): In your case, U have to start building up that confidence slowly. First try to open up with friends, then friends of friends when U are in a group. Its not easy. I myself was like U not long ago. It doesn't take a lot of courage not to be SHY. U need to try and U yourself will experience how great it feels the moment U open up to a person U want to be-friend.
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A
female
reader, momo4eva77  +, writes (10 April 2011):
Well I think that even though you want to chicken out dont do it. Just go for it and put yourself out there. Dont do anything stupid or say anything stupid which would make people talk behind your back. Besides in this world people will talk behind your back whether you want them to or not. The best is to just go out there and do your own thing. I know how you feel because I used to be VERY shy. I didnt want to be so I just started to put myself more out there and be who I am. Turns out people love outgoing people so if you can just go out there and do it well it gets better for you. Its difficult at first but then it pays off. Good luck. :]
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