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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi,My boyf and I have been together for 18 months, and are currently living together. We argue a lot, usually when I'm upset about something and he tries to tell me that I need to grow up and stop being pathetic!! This really hurts as I don't believe he understands me, or even cares about me, so when he does this I get more upset and then we argue more. In the end I feel guilty that I have upset him even tho it was me upset in the 1st place.We have a wedding to go to in 2wks. My boyf is the best man and I don't know anyone at the wedding. I am quite a shy person so I'm nervous about spending the entire day by myself. I know that if I say anything my boyf will get impatient with me and make me feel like I'm being demanding. All I want to know is if I should go to the wedding or not? I have asked my boyf and he doesn't seem to care whether I'm there or not as he is too busy worrying about being the best man. I want to support him any way I can, but I don't think I am getting the support back.What should I do?
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (31 May 2006):
 From what you post, Im portraying him as a guy who doenst understand his girlfriends needs and often wants things done his way. But theres two sides to a coin and judging him with only what you say isnt right. However, Im pretty sure that you're not exactly the most confident person. You're afraid to talk to him about this, because hes already stressed out as it is, youre scared to be alone at the wedding, what else? Look, you sound like you're a lovely lady, but you have got to take a stand every once in a while. By taking a stand I dont mean getting into arguments, I mean speaking your mind and sticking by it because you feel its the best for yourself! Yes, you heard me right, yourself! Selfish? Yes it is, but you need to take care of your needs as well dont you? By the sounds of it, your man is already taking good care of himself! If you dont feel like going (and he doesnt care if you do), then dont. Why subject yourself to something you're not comfortable with, right? It doesnt seem as if you think you'd enjoy it. And besides, its not like you didnt mention it to your boyfriend before hand right? IF he really wanted you to be there, believe me, you'd know it!!!
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (31 May 2006):
 Personally I would tell him to get the hell outta my space! And no I wouldnt go to the wedding. Why is he so mean ? Perhaps he cant deal with people that have issues or indeed just his girlfriend. Some men dont cope with problems to well and just want an easy life so that tend to focus on themselves, not all men are like this, but some just cant deal. Its a little unfair if he is always like this to you, making you feel like he doesnt care, perhaps he doesnt.. sounds harsh but maybe you should move on, or threaten to, to give him a jolt back into life, and see if he does care. If hes not supporting you in times of crisis, or giving you a shoulder to cry on when you need it, and not being there when you need him most then hes a heartless so and so. When we are that close to someone we need to know that they care and that they want to make sure we are okay, and that they will take the time to listen and try to understand, even the odd it will be okay is sometimes enough, why does he have to turn it back on you and not at least show a little sensitivity. Are you sure you really want to stay with someone that makes you feel this bad.. as for saying he doesnt care if you go to the wedding or not, how wierd is that, I know my man would be devastated if I didnt go along to as an important event as that, his girl on his arm, showing her support and being there for him on a big day.. This guy sounds too all consuming to himself and doesnt really give a fig about others, its selfish and hes been like this for a while I cant see him changing. Maybe you should really think about where this relationship is headed and see if you want the same things. You need to at least talk to him and see why he is like this, if things dont improve then you will probably be better off without him.
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