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female
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anonymous
writes: myself and my man just recently moved in together,we get on well but when we argue he seems to take it too far and drag it out, anyway we had a major fall out last week and he moved out. we got back together and we where getting back on track then i found out ;checked his phone... that when we where apart he rang an x,well fuck buddy, friend,if ye like to call her that,he met her a few months before he met me. he has some what remained friends with this girl on msn and has chatted with her on line while i was in the room, i felt no threat by this as i still keep in contact with my x,s so i didnt have a problem.the thing is he rang her in the middle of the night when we where split up, and he says it dosent count because we werent together. whats your view on this, when we where apart all i could think of was him why couldnt he of been the same
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (1 June 2006):
 It's not the call that's worrying as much as the what was said, why and (hopefully not) was it to make an arrangement? You say he said "It doesn't count" , what didn't count? It sounds as if there's something else. You knew he kept in contact with her, so why was he saying "it didn't count"? Did they sleep together again? You may not know the answers but it's all too convenient for people to say "we were on a break". To me if it takes less than 5 minutes to reach out for an ex or sex, break or not, it's as bad as cheating. Human nature is weird sometimes as we are capable of saying and doing hurtful things in the heat of the moment, but...you have the choice whether to accept the behaviour.
A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (31 May 2006):
 He was hurting and sulking and it was his way of getting back at you, this ringing her made him feel better and that is that, you were not together and yes you were thinking of him and in a round about way he was thinking of you, we are all different and he just handled being away from you differently.
I too would have been hurt but reaslistically you had split and who is to say that he had not rang her for some advice, to off load onto someone who he felt knew him.
The threat to you is not what he did when you had split but what he is thinking of doing with her now, are they still in touch and how do you feel about this, if you dont trust him then there is already a crack in your relationship.
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