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female
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anonymous
writes: Finally going to tell the man of my dreams that I have feelings for him.I have known him for nearly five years and in that time we have been friends. Both of us are single and have been spending more and more time together and I have decided that I have to let him that I feel more than just friends would.Whilst part of me is pretty scared and worried that he doesn't want to be anything more than friends, I figure that I need to know how he feels so I can either move on or actually be with him if he feels the same way.He is a great guy and whilst I might feel a bit embarrassed etc if he is not interested in me as more than a friend at first, he would continue to treat me well and be my friend. I think that I have picked up on some signs that he might like me too but I can't be sure until I mention it.My issue is what exactly should I say? How should I tell him that I would be interested in being more than friends. In my head, the words just never sound right!How do I tell him!!!
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (30 May 2006):
 Dear Reader.
It's fantastic you have found the man of your dreams, most of us don't ever do. A few handy tips when telling him you fancy him like hell -
1) don't tell him you love him - to bigger bombshell will scare him away.
2) don't just run up to him, gabble it all and run away, be calm, be cool and be relaxed.
3) don't make eye contact every second, regular eye contact is good, but staring at him will probably make him feel intimadated and scared.
4) don't use cheesy lines - it ruins the moment.
5) don't act any different from who you are, if he likes you - even as a friend - he likes you for who you are, not who you can be.
6) if he says he flattered but he doesn't think of you that way, it's not the end of the world, just stay friends and an attraction and relationship could grow in time.
7) don't rehearse anything, speak from the heart. If you rehearse something, especially like a speech, you might as well be reading him a book.
I hope these have helped and all goes well!
Good Luck, All The Best and Blessed Be,
Phoebe
xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2006): It's a hard situation, because you don't want to destroy the freindship but you also need to let him know. I have HEAPS of male freinds and have been in this situation 3 times now. The funny thing is when I read your question I started to think about the few situations that I have been in with my friends and how it came about. It was all exactly the same way!!!! First of all I was very close friends and a housemate to one guy, we had known each other for about 7 years and had been extremely close for the last 2 and a half years. We shared a house too so that made it more complicated. I was unsure of my feelings for him and one night while we were hanging out and mucking around having a laugh he just turned to me and said, "Can I kiss you?" I actually turned him down though! I was so confused of how I felt about him and didn't want to take the plunge just yet. After another 6 months of me being too confused to do anything he met someone else. I was very jealous and regretted letting him slip away, but I moved on and 3 years on now and he is still with that girl and we are still great friends.
The second was a really great friend of mine that I saw at least 3-4 times a week for 18 months. We were both single and got along so great. We were out watching a band and just having a good time. It actually started with us sorta telling each other how cool we thought the other one was and how we couldn't live without each other. I had really strong feelings for him and I just didn't know how to tell him. We were hugging and kissing each other on the cheek, flirting around and having fun. He looked at me and said, 'Can I kiss you on the lips?" I was so excited, I said yes and he lowered his head to kiss me. The bad thing was he went in for a peck and I went in for the full on pash!!! We didn't say a word and just hugged, then he said to me, "I'm sorry for kissing you, I shouldn't have done that." I asked him if he regretted it and he said no. I then said, "I don't know what is going on with us. Do you see me as just a freind or as something more then that?" He kissed me on the top of my head and said, "I see you as the best friend a guy could have. But that's all." A year on we are still just as close and I now look at him as just a friend too.
The last one is a guy I had known for 5 years. Not well but if I ran into him we would always stop and have a chat. He then became really good friends with a good friend of mine and he was always coming out with the group. We got to know each other better over the next 6 months, became good friends and I found I really liked him. We were all out one night and I decided it was time for me to make my move. I made little excuses to pull him away from the group and gave him more attention then the others. After a while he caught on and started to really flirt with me. We were laughing at something and I said to him, "Can I kiss you?" The "HELL YEAH!" and kiss that followed was amazing. I am still with him now 3 months on. Still early days but going well, and I know if it ended tomorrow we would still be able to be friends.
I don't know if this helps you at all because every time has been different for me, but one thing I can assure you is that every time has worked out just fine and I think just the way it was meant to be. If you and your friend have a close enough bond nothing will get in the way of that. But one thing I have found also is that feelings for your close male friends can easily be mistaken for love. But there is only one way to find out. I guess the only thing I can suggest is not to make a big deal out of it in case it turns bad. With every situation I had been in it was a casual suggestion so it was easily dismissed if it didn't work out. If I had have sat them down and explained my feelings in detail it would have made it all the more awkward. Don't be afraid to say how you feel but it will only be a big deal if you let it be! Remember he knows you, there's no worries there so if he's keen he's keen and if he's not that it's not going to happen and you still have a really nice friend you oviously think alot of. Hope I helped in some way and didn't just make it more confusing!
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