A
female
age
41-50,
*avixen
writes:Ok i have a few things to get off my chest and need solid help!!I've been with my man for about 9 months now we are very much in love but recently i have put on a few pounds and I'm starting to feel as if he is less attracted to me we have went from having sex like jack rabbits to him barely making moves on me anymore it has gotten to the point where if we are watching videos I'm feeling insecure because he is constantly making remarks about how beautiful the woman are on the screen but never mentions how beautiful I am anymore and it hurts! I've never been an insecure woman and I have never felt he need to have a man value my worth ever but sometimes it feels good to feel wanted and attractive to the one you love. He also says mean and hurtful comments sometimes like are you sure you wanna wear that or take that off your know that shit is too small which may be true but its like he isn't as small as he used to be either but I still adore him and am so very much in-love so to hear these things crushes my spirit as a woman.I spend a lot of time trying to figure out ways to make this man happy by buying him cards, writing him letters, buying cologne, cooking for him, asking him to family functions and also to move in with me; which he did about a month ago but my problem is he does not do as much anymore to show me just as much love in return. He says he does not have much money but neither do I but I always find creative ways to express my love for him, I love this man so much I don't know what to do anymore.I don;t want to leave him but I don;t want to go on feeling like I'm undesired and not loved anymore by him. It hurts so bad because I have never loved any man as much as I love him. Everyday I open my eyes I thank god for giving me him because he is a very good man but he has his days where he just isn't who I fell in love with and it hurts. Because he is the man I prayed god would send in my life and love me as well as my kids, I've been thru enough drama and I don't know is it because of that I'm quick to wanna throw in the towel over the smallest things or do I have cause to have an raised eyebrow at him? My kids love him as well and have grown to have a strong bond with him so it makes it even more hard because I do not let men meet my children or even see my children unless I know I will be with him. So I am so confused and feeling severely depressed behind this and need advice I'm a strong woman but for him I have become weak even giving up a lot of old habits like flirting, going out, wearing sexy clothes, deleting my web pages and stopped car modeling to make him feel good about this relationship and secure in being my man but when it comes to him doing the same for me he says he has stopped but I'm not so sure he has 100% as I did..I'm sorry this is so long but I have been holding this all in and I cant tell anyone of my girlfriends because they don't want to see me and him make it any way only because they want what we have. Thank you for taking out the time to read my venting and please respond soon I need serious advice asap..thanks
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female
reader, davixen +, writes (23 February 2011):
davixen is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you guys! thanks very much :-)
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Have you told him how those comments and his lack of sexual interest are making you feel? It's pretty regular for sex to drop off after that initial honeymoon phase passes, but the comments are definitely more troubling. You need to get this out in the open, or it will get worse.
You're not wrong for feeling like you do. I think anyone in a similar situation would feel the same.
Gather your thoughts, and talk about it. Focus on your feelings, and how his actions are influencing them. Words are nice, but actions are what matters. Don't let him smooth talk this away, because that's not fixing anything. But don't expect drastic changes overnight either.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Drop him!!!! You say you've only been with him for 9 months and he makes you feel like this? He is obviously not for you. No man should have the power to completely depress you and throw you into anxiety. And your children are resiliant - nine months is plenty of time to get over the guy.
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