A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm sending this letter to my lover, What do you think?It breaks my heart having to say these words to you, but I feel that our relationship has ran its course. It has been wonderful knowing you, you are a great man. I'm sorry that I have to say goodbye but you see you came a little to late to my life. I have a wonderful family a husband who loves me and its selfish of me to string you along knowing that I will not leave him. Even If I have feelings for you, its him that I choose. I understand I promised you that I would leave him and you and I would settle down but I am not that brave. I can not leave what I have and chase something that is not certain. It breaks my heart to have to let you go but in the long run this will benefit you. I am thankful for getting to know you, for having your heart. I have always known that I'm no good, but I finally decided to take responsiblity for my action and be faithful and love only one man, the man I promised to love and respect under god,my husband! In return I promise not to look for you, I'll keep my distance and I will give you the opportunity to find someone else to love. We knew this would happened it was just a matter of time and I'm glad I had you in my life, you were a great desert. I will always hold you close to my heart, and smile with our memories. Don't hate me just always remember me as your forbidden love. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 I think you need to confess to your husband, that you cheated and disrepected your home. Even thought your doing the right thing right now you have to remember that you lied to your husband. If you clear it out with him he might forgive you but if he finds out on his own you might have a very different outcome.
The letter is great as it is.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): I think you should tell your husband. If anyone deserves to know that they have been betrayed by one they trust, it's the spouse.
Breaking off the affair is only half of the solution. The next and most crucial step is to seek redemption and rebuild trust. And for this to happen you have to do the right thing and tell you husband.
You made a vow infront of your family and your chosen god to hold no secrets from each other.
Tell the truth now and you still stand a chance of salvaging this relationship you have risked destroying.
Go to marriage counselling, therapy, anything to figure out why it is you felt the need to stray.
Make no mistake, your husband will have to work just as hard to make it work.
But he HAS to know. To keep the truth from him now, simply because you have got whatever it was out of your system or because you are afraid, is disgusting. You would be living on borrowed time. What happened will reach him eventually, what matters now is how he finds out.
You'd rather he find out 20 years from now on his deathbed that his entire marriage was a lie and the woman who shared his bed didn't love him? That he died a blind fool?
That would make your betrayal even worse.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): Don't call him a 'Great desert'
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): Don't put it in writing. Tell him you have come to your senses and he needs to take off.Are you sure you are ready to leave this relationship. You gave him a years worth of ways to wiggle back in.If he loved you and I were him you would have given me enough ammo to keep you on the hook for as long as I wanted.If I am such a great guy why are you dumping me. Etc Etc.
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A
male
reader, Niceguy5283 +, writes (29 March 2011):
Additional note. Everyone is concerned about what is in writing. I would be very surprised if they don't have a history of emails and texts. These things have a way of coming back to bite you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): If I received that letter I would read between the linesI now have realised that I don't want you anymore, I want my husband and my family. You are not worth the risk and I have had my fun with you but don't want to lose what I have at home. Don't put anything in writing you don't want your husband to read.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): I'd suggest removing some things. Don't put anything in that letter that you don't want your husband and all of your children to read, because they may all end up reading it. You can't control the letter."I have always known that I'm no good"Which is why you had an affair, EVERYBODY has capability for good. Don't denigrate yourself in the letter, you can do that with counseling and reconciliation."you are a great man"He's not a great man, he's having an affair with a married woman, so he's a schmuck as well. Really, he's got issues and likes putting it over on the other guy here, so don't forget that."desert" is a dry barren placeYou shouldn't call him a wonderful "dessert" either, if the letter ever came up it could hurt your husband and children terribly.Here's what I'd suggest."I have to say goodbye. I have a wonderful family a husband who loves me and its selfish of me to string you along knowing that I will not leave him. Even If I have feelings for you, its him that I choose over you. I understand I promised you that I would leave him and you and I would settle down but I am not that brave, I want him more. I can not leave what I have and chase something that is not certain. I finally decided to take responsibility for my actions and be faithful and love only one man, the man I promised to love and respect under god,my husband! In return I promise not to look for you, I'll keep my distance and I will give you the opportunity to find someone else to love. We knew this would happened it was just a matter of time. Please don't ever contact me or my family again.But, then again, you have to write the letter. You make it sound in your letter like you really don't want to say goodbye and another role in the sack for old times sake will be just fine. Yeah, tell him he was a great dessert? What does that make the spouse, the terrible meal that proceeds it?
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A
male
reader, Niceguy5283 +, writes (29 March 2011):
Having gone through this recently, your letter sucks. You letter is all over the place. First, the relationship has run it course. It sounds like you got bored. Then you say how hurt you are by all this. The guy who gets this won't care how hurt you are. Good or bad, you did this. That thing about coming too late in life, drop that, this only will make him feel worse. Like if his timing was better, things would be different.Just lay out the fact that you want to be with your husband and keep your family together. Drop the "long run" benefit you stuff. If this guy really loves you, then he won't be thinking about long run. It sounds like his long run plan was to be with you.You compare him to a desert. Nice, not only am I not going to be with anymore, I also think of you as some kind of side pleasure, not a person I loved.You don't want him to hate you? Why not? You want him to leave you alone right? Let him hate you. Do this guy a favor, stick to the point. Don't text him, call him, email, just let it die.Good luck, not sure why you cheated on your husband, but we all have our reasons. This doesn't make us bad, just human.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): Sounds good! But I wouldn't say "you were a great dessert" and to "not hate me just always remember me as your forbidden love". It sounds rude, to be honest. It is like oh im letting you go but remember me as something you can not have and live with that, oh but you were great to indulge as my guilt pleasure (as the dessert). Just take those out and maybe end with something like "I hope in due time you will be able to cherish what we had, but live your life in the happiness of someone else". Or something like that...
Good for you for doing the right thing. Be prepared that he does not take this letter as the end, he may come back with a vengeance to destroy your marriage so that you will end up with him.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (29 March 2011):
 Wow, you are going to break his heart no matter what you do. It would be better to say these words to him rather than write them in a letter, for a couple of reasons.
First, it is kinder to do it that way. Best not to do it in person, though, because you may lose your nerve. Perhaps over the phone?
The second reason you should not put it in writing is because it could be used against you. If he is angry enough, he may just forward it on to your husband.
As far as the content goes, these are just some suggestions from my point of view. There's too much information here. He is not going to care why. He will not want to hear how wonderful your husband is. He knows why you cannot be with him. He has always known. You are married. It really is that simple.
There's no way to soft peddle this kind of news. It won't make him feel better to know you are freeing him up to find true love. He's going to be hurt and that is all there is to it. He knew there was a possibility of that when he got involved with you. You both knew.
These kinds of relationships come with consequences. As high as you might have gone with him in your affair, so shall you go low. Just say goodbye and that you are sorry you gave him the wrong idea. Then have yourself a good cry.
Best of luck,
TEM
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 March 2011):
 I think you should stick it in an envelope, put a stamp on it, and drop it in the mailbox.
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