A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When I was a little kid I had many friends and always talked to other kids. Around grade 4 my parents split up and I moved in with my mom and sister into an apartment. When we moved in I made friends with other kids in the building, but there were 2 older boys who bullied me occasionally. Since then I have become shy and rarely talk to anybody, even my friends. I have just started my last year at highschool and have a small group of friends. However I am always quiet. Everyone (even my small group of friends) find me to be socially awkward. I assume that it's probably because of a confidence issue. Even so I don't know how to start conversations with people, and people rarely try to have a conversation with me. I know that if I practice I will probably be better, but I don't know how to start and I find that when I try people don't usually give me a chance because they see me as the quiet kid who never talks.Advice is appreciated.
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bullied, confidence, moved in, shy, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNicoleta: I don't talk much with my friends because I can't think of anything to say to contribute to the conversation. I feel like I just sit there watching them talk to each other.Sirena Blusera: It's not that I'm afraid of having a conversation, it's that I don't know how to START one. I have made one or two friends at camp and they understand I'm shy. When they start talking to me it's easy for me to talk back to them. I trust them more than my friends that i've known my whole life because they try to talk to me and be my friends. Aside from that point, I guess I was too clear on that, you had some helpful advice.Thanks everyone else for your helpful advice also
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): As they say, "still waters run deep," which means people who say very little often have very interesting and complicated personalities. You're introverted, but as you get older and grow, you might begin to open up. Instead of focusing on the negative impact of it, think about the positive things. People may think of you as "mysterious" and want to get to know you. Your friends should be supportive of you and accept you for who you are. It might help to talk to a counselor, teacher or other trusted adult to get these feelings out and so you don't have to hold everything in. Try to open up to maybe one or two people in your group- hang out with them and let them see how you're not so "quiet." Otherwise use it to your advantage- when people wonder why I'm "quiet" I say that I like to be mysterious or I ask them why they are so loud!
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (12 September 2009):
 Mods: Hey, I worded the last paragraphy in a confusing way.
Can anything be done... please? :-)
I would like to clarify: The music and drama "weirdos" did ACCEPT ME.
Thanks!!
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (12 September 2009):
If it's any reassurance, I was once shy. So shy that my teachers were worried because I was "painfully shy," and it eventually became painful for me. I wanted to have friends and be loved and accepted, but the thought of initiating a conversation made me sweat.
Like you, I was bullied as a kid, almost always by other girls. I don't know why but many girls HATED me.
People tell me that I'm a different person than I was in middle school. "Who are you and what did you do with shy little Sara??" People who dislike me say I'm brazen. people who like me sometimes say I'm daring. My point is that now I can go to a foreign country where I don't know a soul, and talk to people in a language that isn't my native tongue, and it comes to me naturally... and I was the same person who was too scared to talk to other kids. Sometimes I'd wonder if I'd ever have a friend for the rest of my life, and now I have friends all over the world.
Even though the things you're experiencing can cause you to feel very lonely, you are NOT alone. I eventually made friends, many of whome were bullied at some point. Virtually everyone goes through a period of feeling awkward. The catalyst is finding yourself.
I remember feeling very average... I never thought I was particularly attractive. I wasn't particularly scholarly, or particularly athletic. I felt mediocre and being lost in the crowd was lonely.
The catalyst that brought me out of my shell was music. When I picked up the guitar, I not only discovered that I love music more than anything in the world, but that I was someone and not just another generic girl.
My advice is to find people who have similar interests. For example, I wasn't accepted by the "preppy" kids, and it really didn't bother me. The music and drama "weirdos" did. They were the people that mattered.
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A
female
reader, MissesConfused  +, writes (12 September 2009):
I know what you mean, dude. I'm the same way with people, but you should probably start by finding short topics for conversations and build your way up. Being more outspoken is easier said than done I know, but it's the only you can come out your shell.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (12 September 2009):
 Do you mind? I'm mean that seriously, do you want to spend your time chatting with people over largely inconsequential things or is it that somehow you feel that you need to be talking to people integrate yourself into the group. If you do mind then I'm sure that some of the aunts here will have good advice for you. If you don't mind particularly then just be the guy who doesn't say much and be happy with it and let go of the feeling that you need to part of their groups. There is no harm in being "a man of few words" if you make those words count. Most things that young guys say are either, stupid, boring, inconsequential, nasty or foolish. Do you really want to spend your time listening to that? The less that you say, the less stupid stuff you are going to say. All my conversational regrets over the years have been over saying too much rather than saying too little. In the meantime focus your energies on being better than them at stuff whether academic or sporting or whatever it is that you do so as to cultivate your inner superiority complex(!). Be nice when people do talk to you but be your own person and whatever you do remember that you are not looking for their acceptance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): I'm a bit like the same way as you. I'm always the quiet kid, it has it's disadvantages and advantages. My suggestion would be to smile. =D Smiling at passerbys helps keep you open, and to let the passerbys know you're not down/sad. Another way to begin to talk to people is to raise your hand in class if you have a question (if you don't already), and speak in a clear voice. Lastly, talk with your friends more, the more comfortable you are with them, the better able you'll be at talking with strangers. =D
Hope this helps!!
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