A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive been seeing an amazing guy for 10 months, hes everything ive ever wanted and more but theres one problem; distance. He lives 150 miles away and couldnt move because of his work and the fact he is carer for his disabled brother. I currently see him twice a week. He says he loves me and he wants us to have a future together but would never want me to move to him as it would mean taking me away from the job that i love, my family and friends and moving my young son away from his father although I would be happy to move. He said its killing him to split with me but he sees it for the best as he cant see a future. Im seeing him tomorrow for a make or break talk, what can I do or say to him to try and make this work?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2012): He's only 150 miles away. that's not a very long distance. It's only like a 3-hour drive. It's easily do-able for weekend trips. It's not like you have to spend money on plane tickets and block our vacation days at work just to see each other. therefore to me, the obstacles in this relationship aren't the distance, it's emotional. You offer to move to be closer to him but he doesn't want that. Why not? Is it because he projects that you will be unhappy where he is, or that your son will be unhappy and therefore you will be unhappy, and he does not want to be blamed for being the reason for your move?he seems to want to keep things the way they are. So the next question is why would this not be OK with you? again, 150 miles really isn't that far, you can see each other literally every weekend which is a lot more than most Long distance couples.if you're going to talk to him tomorrow, I would clarify why he doesn't want you to move to him. What is he afraid of? Maybe he actually doesn't want this relationship to get more serious. If so then that is a legitimate deal breaker. but you don't know if that's the case so you need to clarify that.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 May 2012):
 I'm inclined to agree with the others. My impression is your boyfriend isn't ready for a long term future with you and he's trying to break up with you as nicely as he can.
Accepting his decision and the reasons he gave may be the least painful way for both of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2012): Lame. My boyfriend lives 3000 miles away, and he's willing to move to me as soon as he can. I would move to him if he wanted me too as well. Because thats what people who care about each other do. You have to be flexible.
You love this guy and offered to move and he says no? What the hell? He clearly is not as into this as you are. You just made his life a lot easier, offering to uproot your own, and he says no. Weird.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 May 2012):
 If you are willing to move and have offered to move and he has said no... that's his way of saying he's not as sure about this as you are.
what about splitting the difference and each moving 75 miles in towards the middle.
it takes me 2 hours to drive 100 miles on the highways and you say you see him a couple of times a week...
are you sure it's 150 miles?
if so that's a lot of effort on your part... is he putting in the same amount of effort?
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (10 May 2012):
150 miles isn't that far. If he loves you and REALLY wants a future with you then he should be happy you want to move up there.
Maybe he's not really ready for it yet?
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (10 May 2012):
 I think there is only one thing you can do to save things and that is to move if he means the world to you.
Jobs come and go, and your family will always be your family, but if this is the man of your dreams and he feels the same way about you then I think I'd be inclined to give it a shot.
I do think it's a little unfair to take your son away from his dad, but can see why your bf can't leave his brother.
Your ex could travel or you could do extended visits, also you don't know what might happen in the future and your ex could move away totally.
We are only talking 150 miles, 2 and a half hours drive at the most...I think it's doable if you love eachother and want to be together...but that's just my view.
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