A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and a half. We took things very slowly and now have a strong relationship built on trust and respect. Last year we set up an art business together, and he often talks about properties we'll buy in the future, investments and the like. He's told me and I have no doubt in my mind that he's thinking of building a future with me.Recently he's been asking when we're going to move in together. He lives with his cousin while I still live with my parents. My parents are migrants and I helped them buy the house we live in (meaning I pay half the mortgage and my own bills). I do however want to have my own space and life at home has become a bit stifling.I've been feeling very confused about this whole moving in together thing and I'm now feeling the pressure to make a decision. Basically I'm not sure if I should do it. I think that before moving in I should be a 100% sure that he and I will get married in the not too distant future.The thing is, I am not ready for marriage just yet, and neither is he. I'm thinking of my early 30s for that and he seems to feel the same. I'm 28 now and he's about to turn 27, so in effect he's almost 2 years younger than me. To top it all of, this is both of ours first very serious relationship, so maybe we're both still figuring life out.So, what do I do?A: Take the plunge and move in, see how things go?B: Find my own place and in time, when I am actually ready to marry and so is he, move in with him?I know that the second option would hurt him a lot as he will think that I don't love him. But I am so scared to move in with him and set up house when I don't know when marriage will be on the cards. I don't want to move in and spend the next 5 years wondering when he'll propose.What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): Thanks for your response. My situation at home with my parents and our property has been well discussed and we have a plan on what will be done when I decide to move out. My question was about me and boyfriend and our future.
A
female
reader, MamaBear  +, writes (18 March 2011):
Before you get too much into moving in with your guy w/o marriage, there are several other problems to consider or need clearing up! What will this do with your living arrangement and financial support at your parent's residence? You mentioned that you carry half the mortgage and also help with other finances. Are they able to do this on their own without your financial assistance? Are you named on the mortgage? Surer you roommate would probably enjoy moving in with you and no longer with a cousin. More benefits, for one thing, and a homier place maybe. However, you need to clear the slate before making any new and future living arrangements with anyone!
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