A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I worked 2 jobs to put myself through school, never been arrested or in trouble with the police, never been in a fist fight in my adult life, never done any drugs, never cheated on any girlfriends, I am a great parent to my 2 year old and I always took pride in being a stand-up guy. Till now. To give some background, eight months ago my wife cheated on me. We are both 25 and been married for 3 years. I was devastated. We split up for a while and we got back together to try to work things out last month. Now to the problem, last weekend, her mom watched our kid so we could have a date night. We went out to eat then went to have drinks at a place where we know the bartenders. Because we knew them, our drinks were super strong and I ended up drinking way too much. Enough to black out. According to my wife I was persistent on driving and once she hid my keys from me i got really upset. From there we started fighting about lots of different things - somewhere in that fight, I said something that really upset my wife (who was also drinking but not drunk like me) and she slapped my arm. Then, the inconceivable happened. I did something I always said I would NEVER do in my entire life. I hit her. I punched her in the arm. She punched me back. I punched her again but this time in her head. She punched me in the face. This went back and forth several times. The next morning I woke up with a really sore face, a hurting nose and a bruise in my eye. She had bruises in her arm, a popped vessel in her eye and big bump in her forehead. I do not remember any of it. I KNOW if i had been sober or at least coherent this would NOT have happened. I have always despised guys who hit their wives/gfs and I have no idea how things got to that point but I have never felt worst or more ashamed than I do now. I feel dirty. Now my wife and I are trying to work it out. She feels wrong for hitting me first but mostly, I think that because she cheated and felt awful about it, I think she wants to give me second chance like I gave her. I know in this instance what I did was WAY worst. A men should never hit a woman back. No matter what. I have decided to stop drinking. At least for while and if I do drink again, i intend to give myself a 3 drink limit to avoid this from ever happening again. We are also planning on counseling. Now, I decided to write here for 2 reasons. First I just wanted to let it off my chest and get some advice about the whole situation. I have friends but i am too embarrassed to talk to them. Second I wanted to ask these questions: I know you all don't know me but what do you think of me? Am I a "wife beater" now? I have never laid my hands on her or anyone before. Will this mistake be something I will ever be able to fix? If so, how? I feel like I'm more upset with this then even my wife. I have not been able to stop thinking about it. How do I make things ok with her and with myself? Sorry for the extremely long post and thank you for reading if you made it this far.
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cheated on me, drugs, drunk, got back together, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): A woman should never hit a man either. And if she hits you first then she should expect she might get hit back. This is the 21st century not the 19th.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses. As a new member, I'm glad to see people can give solid advice without judging or flamming on me. I appreciate that. Any more thoughts will be appreciated as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Great men are not defined by a fall but by their ability to rise again....So no, this mistake does not define you...It is up to you to learn from it and becme a better man than you were yesterday
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Stress does many a strange thing to a man - or woman - i know.I've hit my husband and he has hit me back - something we thought we would never do - ever.You both need to sit and have a good talk about the past and what possibly make your wife have an affair to begin with - sometimes a good husband can overlook somethings that he may take for granted and not realize he is neglecting his wife in some way.She too should have spoken up if there was a problem and thought she might stray.No your not a wife beater - no more than my husband is - or i am a husband beater - its stress - but you need to talk and do things together and be a couple to bring the closeness back that you once had - get your friendship and thrust back on track - it will take more than a night out though.Sort it before it gets out of hand - then there is no going back. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Even if your wife is accepting half the blame. It should not have happened. If you were steady enough to aim and hit a target, you were steady enough to take a walk.Its not uncommon for men who've hit a woman to be full of contrition afterwards. But that doesnt always stop them from doing it again, unfortuntely. It is best if you dont drink to excess again. Not only was it very wrong to hit her. It was also wrong to try and drive when you had been drinking. So lesson learned hopefully.Maybe you both need counselling to get to the root of your anger. As it sounds as if you both have problems in that area. Alcohol will only enhance whats already there! So to avoid another 'Punch and Judy' show. Do not drink so much....if at all. And it might the help the pair of you to try some counselling.
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