A
female
age
30-35,
*umpsuit01
writes:Hey girls. My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over three years and everything has been great up until... the end of november 08. He got to know this girl Katie* who I have known since childhood. adn they hit it off and had a little bit of a thing for each other. so I compromised with him and we decided to have an open relationship, he was only to do sexual things occasionally and let me know everything, since I wasn't really interested in anyone else... anway we were invited to a new years party in which this Katie was to go. He ignored me completly ignored me and did things... sexual things with her in the next room while I was alone, when it came time to sleep even he slept with her and not me. Ever since then, things have been difficult. All my friends tell me that I deserve better but he is the best, I love him so much. He has been talking to me about taking a break from our relationship, he says he just doesn't want to settle down which I understand and that he wants to grow old with me and have babies with me, he just wants to experience other things but I'm scared to death to let him go. I want to be able to trust him and have him come back to me when he's ready but there is no guarantee that he will come back..... what should I do??
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male
reader, Constant  +, writes (2 March 2009):
It might seem hard to let him go, but you can't degrade yourself into having an open relationship. That is basically having he cake and eating it too. Why wouldn't he come back? Don't do that again, that was the worst thing to do. Stand up for yourself and hang with the girls. Even if you don't like anyone, you can't let him trample over you like that. If it is meant to be, your paths will cross, but since you know he was hooking up with another girl you must re-evaluate your situation, trust, and faith. Only then can you let him back into your life like it once was. Once he sees who he really loves he will come back, and if he doesn't you saved yourself pain and anguish from knowing he isn't the one BUT first standing up for yourself in times like now. Open relationships for a guy is like a kid in a candy store-- they eat too much and start to feel sick. If you just step up and close the door for a while, they will want you even more and probably resepect you even more, maybe love you even more. Do what is best for you, but think smart!-- even though it might be from your heart. (From a person who is waiting on a break, its getting alot better yes, with what seems to be their soulmate)
A
female
reader, jumpsuit01 +, writes (1 March 2009):
jumpsuit01 is verified as being by the original poster of the question So, things have been going good so far. I haven't brought up katie or anything in a few days and things seem to be looking up. The only thing is he still talks to her on facebook sometimes, and he tells me there just friends now and there nothing, but it still makes me...nervous i guess, but i'll just keep ignoring things not mentioning her. Im going over there tonight so i'll up date again later.
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A
male
reader, LampHead  +, writes (26 February 2009):
 No problem, any time.
Good-luck, Hope it all works out for you.
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A
female
reader, jumpsuit01 +, writes (26 February 2009):
jumpsuit01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'll most likely, have to just go with it as you said. I wont like it but i guess it would be for the best. Maybe i'll find that i wont need him like i think i do, which is kinda scary and at the same time good becasue then i'll know i wont die without him. So i'll have to take a break. if he suggests it again. Thanks Lamphead, i wont mention the subject again and wont tlak to him about it until he brings it up. thanks again.
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A
male
reader, LampHead +, writes (26 February 2009):
Well, Sounds like you will just have to go along with it. If you really do love him, I suppose you have
no choice but to go with the flow. If it's going OK at the moment, then just don't bring the subject up. Wait and see what happens, and if he does suggest a break, then what do you think you will say?
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A
female
reader, jumpsuit01 +, writes (26 February 2009):
jumpsuit01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey Lamphead, i forgot to mention that. i did ask him to stop the open relationship a while ago and he agreed reluctantly but agreed and then only a week ago was he asking for a break. I seen him today only for an hour or so and he seemed as if nothing was wrong and i mentioned this site and that i was asking for advice and he told me we don't have any problems..."not right now, i think were good" is what he said. but as we talked i got the feeling he was thinking of taking a break. and what not. ALSO he said that if we were to take one that he's pretty sure he would come back to me, which gives me hope...but i dont reall want to ride on that statement...what do you think?
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A
male
reader, LampHead +, writes (25 February 2009):
Hmm. So he and Katie isn't working out. Ask him if he will stop having the open relationship, if he denies you that, then he doesn't deserve you. Don't let him just get his way, you need to have a say as well.
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A
female
reader, unwonted +, writes (25 February 2009):
 He wants his cake and to eat it, too - or however that saying goes!
It sounds like he is stringing you along and using you as a safety net.
I would let him go. Let him go do everything that he thinks he wants to do. And yes, there is a chance that he will come back to you. And with that, there is a chance that you might not even want him back. It is VERY HARD to move on after a heartache, but once you do...you realize that you will not die without them and that there are other people and other things in the world that top them.
He sounds immature and not ready for anything even remotely serious - and he's certainly not ready for anything monogamous! Taking a break is also code for: Give me time to get away and do whatever the hell I want with there being no consequences.
I know we can only offer our personal advice on here and we can't make you think one way or another, BUT if it were me, I would want someone to tell me to let it go. And I know it's MUCH MUCH easier said than done, but you will love yourself and your life a THOUSAND times more once you get through the hard part.
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A
female
reader, jumpsuit01 +, writes (25 February 2009):
jumpsuit01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you guys. but just to make myself clear, this isn't the only thing he does, infact he says him and katie rarely even talk anymore, which i belive. I have been in a lot of relationships, very stressful ones. i wont go into detail. but he really is sweet sometimes. just somethings he does make me melt. These things are keeping me from leaveing not only do i love him but i love his family to.
I wish boys still had cooties sometimes.
Oh and martini, i don't love him because he fooled around with her. i loved him way before the subject of her, but ...it seems simple when i read my question, the odvious thing to do, but i just can't do it.
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A
female
reader, jumpsuit01 +, writes (25 February 2009):
jumpsuit01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you guys. but just to make myself clear, this isn't the only thing he does, infact he says him and katie rarely even talk anymore, which i belive. I have been in a lot of relationships, very stressful ones. i wont go into detail. but he really is sweet sometimes. just somethings he does make me melt. These things are keeping me from leaveing not only do i love him but i love his family to.I wish boys still had cooties sometimes.
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A
male
reader, LampHead +, writes (25 February 2009):
If he wants an open relationship I cant see him as being very nice. Unless you are extremely open minded, and never get jealous, he sounds like the wrong guy for you. I'm sorry, but I would end it. Your only supposed to have one partner, and not share them with everyone and anyone. End it, and see if he and Katie work out, if they do, then good for him, but if they don't, there is a strong chance he will come back to you.
Good-Luck!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 February 2009):
 Let him go. As hard as that may seem I think you'll be much happier in the long run. Open relationships that truly work are very very rare, but usually someone is always on the the short end of the stick. Let him go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): He is the best eh? How many relationships have you been in? How far in the world have you gone? How many people have you met? How many experiences have you been through?
He's probably 'the best' now, but I really doubt he is really that good to start. You're cutting yourself short for truly believing such a load of bull feces - politely put.
Think: ...but he is the best, you love him so much BECAUSE he fooled around with another girl, ignored you, took advantage of your willingness to love him and has slept with her instead of with you. Yeah, isn't he just 'the best'?
[sigh]
Advice: I don't know if you deserve something better, but you can definitely find someone better than this bastard of a boyfriend. Your low self-esteem shows through very well dear Jumpsuit.
Observation: Dating IS a period of trial and error. It is a period for experimenting with your lover. People will always have goals, desires and needs to be fulfilled. If they get together with others for any type of relationship, compromises will always need to be made for a relationship to work. However, if that compromise is imbalanced and lopsided, then the relationship becomes strained and one person will become unhappy over time.
Second advice: As said, I don't know if you deserve better, but you can make life a better experience by not being with such a steaming pile of maggot infested llama dung.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (25 February 2009):
 If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, then it was meant to be...
...Loves come and go. If he is looking at being with another girl, I suggest you take sometime to yourself to discover just how much you really don't need him. You need to know that you can live without him. You are the only person you will truly ever be able to rely on. He won't always be there for you, as he is showing now.
Go love yourself. Maybe when he see's that you don't need him, it will make him realize what he had.
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